Setting expectations re: Member Hold

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Is there a way to know when an account is on administrative hold and for how long? I have an online penpal who appears to be on administrative hold / banned about a month and a half ago (Last Visited is "-"; my last unread PM is then). I am doing my best to accept the Uncertainty around this, but it's difficult. If I continue to assume they'll be back each month, I potentially face back-to-back disappointments for however long. I suppose I could assume the administrative hold is a long-term thing and grieve... but that would be silly if they pop back in two weeks. If they come back... Boo to Uncertainty aside Big Feelings. (Not to mention reconciling the event itself.)

I'm not sure what an administrative hold is.

We can all switch our last date to "-" in settings, for privacy. That doesn't necessarily mean the person has left or that they've been banned. Some people just don't want everyone to know when they're online.

If you're concerned about a ban, I'm sure you could ask the mods if the person is banned.

It's frustrating when friends disappear. I went through that with my first friend when I came here. We eventually reconnected for a little while, but I was very sad when they were gone.

Yes, please send a PM if you want to know if someone is banned.

We avoid sharing that publicly because, among other things, it might be humiliating for the individual.

Isabella, thank you for the last-date attribute tip. I had another penpal disappear years ago also. She was ill . Hard with online friends that way. Pros and cons of anonymity.

Walrus, will do. Thank you.

Post here to ask about missing members:


MODERATOR ATTENTION: How To Get Help When You Need It

Thank you!

I'm sorry to hear about your friend being ill.

I've lost track of a few people too, even though we used to write on email.

I'm not very good at PM despite being on here so often.
I worry that people think I have time to post, but I don't have time for them.
That's not the reason at all.

It's hard for me to correspond personally, because I have Alexithymia.
It takes me a really long time to process emotions from others.
By the time I'm ready to reply, they usually think I've forgotten them.