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KitLily
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05 Jun 2023, 8:42 am

Well said Joe!


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Joe90
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05 Jun 2023, 8:49 am

I was once on a non-autism forum for social anxiety and highly sensitive people, where I thought I'd feel at home. But when I posted about getting anxiety when shop door alarms go off when I'm walking out of a shop (because of the attention it draws), some replies I got were rude and unsupportive. Not nasty or trolling or anything, but just surprisingly unsympathetic for a forum that's supposed to be for sensitive people with social anxiety to chat and relate to each other.
Even people without social anxiety issues admit that it's embarrassing when a store alarm goes off as they're walking out when they haven't stolen anything, and so for a shy/social anxiety person it can be traumatic and can make us become avoidant of going to shops on our own.


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KitLily
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05 Jun 2023, 8:50 am

Joe90 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
Well said Joe!


I was once on a non-autism forum for social anxiety and highly sensitive people, where I thought I'd feel at home. But when I posted about getting anxiety when shop door alarms go off when I'm walking out of a shop (because of the attention it draws), some replies I got were rude and unsupportive. Not nasty or trolling or anything, but just surprisingly unsympathetic for a forum that's supposed to be for sensitive people with social anxiety to chat and relate to each other.


Yes I had that experience too. Although I was in a Facebook group. Everyone was so argumentative! In a group for Highly Sensitive People! I didn't stay there very long.


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Joe90
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05 Jun 2023, 9:27 am

KitLily wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
Well said Joe!


I was once on a non-autism forum for social anxiety and highly sensitive people, where I thought I'd feel at home. But when I posted about getting anxiety when shop door alarms go off when I'm walking out of a shop (because of the attention it draws), some replies I got were rude and unsupportive. Not nasty or trolling or anything, but just surprisingly unsympathetic for a forum that's supposed to be for sensitive people with social anxiety to chat and relate to each other.


Yes I had that experience too. Although I was in a Facebook group. Everyone was so argumentative! In a group for Highly Sensitive People! I didn't stay there very long.


Yes, compared to some of those sites this place is actually more empathetic. That just goes to show that empathy is not something "NTs have, autistics lack". Either party can lack empathy or have too much empathy. I wish people would get that.


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KitLily
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05 Jun 2023, 10:32 am

Joe90 wrote:

Yes, compared to some of those sites this place is actually more empathetic. That just goes to show that empathy is not something "NTs have, autistics lack". Either party can lack empathy or have too much empathy. I wish people would get that.


It's back to the old hackneyed idea that 'a sign of autism is having a lack of empathy'. They need to get rid of that stereotype ASAP.

I think autistic people just show empathy differently, that's all!


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IsabellaLinton
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05 Jun 2023, 10:37 am

Where did that stereotype come from?
It's not in DSM.
Every time I hear the E word in autism news, it's because researchers are saying we have it.
How did the myth start?


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KitLily
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05 Jun 2023, 10:40 am

I'm not getting into this again. But as far as I know it was an English psychiatrist, Simon Baron-Cohen, who put that idea forward.


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mrpieceofwork
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05 Jun 2023, 10:43 am

I have much empathy...

for those who deserve it.

Oh, and I do for those who don't really deserve it, but ofc they're Human just like me, so I can also empathize with something about their experiences, but I just don't SHOW it, because "reasons"


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05 Jun 2023, 11:21 am

Joe90 wrote:
You have OS (Overthinking Syndrome, a term I have just made up). It's a b***h. Some of us are actually socially aware enough to know the rational reasons behind these things but our brain still doesn't resist going into overdrive with thoughts of doubt and victimisation, and to kill those thoughts off we need to just ask others for clarification. :)

That's why people should be more mindful when replying (not referring to anyone or anything in this thread, I just mean in general), because sometimes people like the OP are reaching out for reassurance and support and when they get a load of blunt or snarky replies it can make them feel worse, which can worsen the intruding thoughts and cause depression, anxiety and self-doubt. (Again, not referring to anything in this thread or in any recent threads).


I agree with your post because it’s always hurtful when someone flips the bird at you.

As for the girlfriend, it sounds like she just doesn’t like you and may have a reason for it.

I had a problem like that with a roommate of a casual friend who decided she didn’t like me. Though I met her once, I accidentally stepped over her boundaries. However, in her mind I was a bad person.



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05 Jun 2023, 11:32 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
You have OS (Overthinking Syndrome, a term I have just made up). It's a b***h. Some of us are actually socially aware enough to know the rational reasons behind these things but our brain still doesn't resist going into overdrive with thoughts of doubt and victimisation, and to kill those thoughts off we need to just ask others for clarification. :)

That's why people should be more mindful when replying (not referring to anyone or anything in this thread, I just mean in general), because sometimes people like the OP are reaching out for reassurance and support and when they get a load of blunt or snarky replies it can make them feel worse, which can worsen the intruding thoughts and cause depression, anxiety and self-doubt. (Again, not referring to anything in this thread or in any recent threads).


I agree with your post because it’s always hurtful when someone flips the bird at you.

As for the girlfriend, it sounds like she just doesn’t like you and may have a reason for it.

I had a problem like that with a roommate of a casual friend who decided she didn’t like me. Though I met her once, I accidentally stepped over her boundaries. However, in her mind I was a bad person.



When I met her for the very first time at the pub 2 years ago she and her friend blanked me out. Treated me like I was invisible.


The my mate Robbie ans his girlfriend are both 40 by the way.



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05 Jun 2023, 2:46 pm

It definitely sounds like she decided that she didn't like you from day 1 and while she is being hurtful, she's also showing you that she's not worthy of you or your time. It also means that you don't have to deal with her negative energy.

Anyway, my friend's roommate was mad because I stepped over her boundaries by correcting her little girl. Why? I didn't think she was listening to her mom or the roommate. However, she was not comfortable with that because she was just getting acquainted with me for the first time. Still, she was very snippy with me on the car ride home from the meet-up. When they dropped me off, she decided to block me which isolated me from the rest of the group and the socials. It really hurt because I was just getting to know some new people.

Well, I found out a few years later that she is a very difficult person to deal with and doesn't get along with anyone, except her spouse. From what I have been told, she is someone who has to be right no matter what. She also evidently can't keep her friends because she overreacts.



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05 Jun 2023, 3:41 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It definitely sounds like she decided that she didn't like you from day 1 and while she is being hurtful, she's also showing you that she's not worthy of you or your time. It also means that you don't have to deal with her negative energy.

Anyway, my friend's roommate was mad because I stepped over her boundaries by correcting her little girl. Why? I didn't think she was listening to her mom or the roommate. However, she was not comfortable with that because she was just getting acquainted with me for the first time. Still, she was very snippy with me on the car ride home from the meet-up. When they dropped me off, she decided to block me which isolated me from the rest of the group and the socials. It really hurt because I was just getting to know some new people.

Well, I found out a few years later that she is a very difficult person to deal with and doesn't get along with anyone, except her spouse. From what I have been told, she is someone who has to be right no matter what. She also evidently can't keep her friends because she overreacts.




How can you be so quick to dislike someone from just meeting them?



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05 Jun 2023, 3:53 pm

Well, unfortunately, some people can dislike it for no reason because it's just the way they are.

Two weeks ago, I went to an event through an organization and I noticed that this one woman, who I had never met, kept avoiding me.

I also used to ride the bus with this woman who looked at me really funny the first time I talked to her. She also decided that for whatever reason that I am a B word. However, she was a strange duck because if I rode the bus with her, she would get off and get lunch somewhere. She also refused to me talk or respond to me.

However, other people told me they thought she was stuck up and strange



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06 Jun 2023, 10:56 pm

Recidivist wrote:
Dude! Do you even know what the man code is?

Never tell your mate's GF he is chatting someone up unless you want a shitstorm. You are lucky he is still your friend.

Code or not, it's just asking for trouble. The last thing any of us should want is to get drug into the middle of such a mess. If you must do something, the appropriate action is to buy some popcorn and pull up a stool for the upcoming drama.

Also, it's her friends that should be telling her what a dog he is.



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06 Jun 2023, 10:57 pm

babybird wrote:
She obviously got the words "tolerant" and "violent" mixed up.


Or she misestimated how tolerant she is of liquor.



KitLily
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07 Jun 2023, 2:16 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I had a problem like that with a roommate of a casual friend who decided she didn’t like me. Though I met her once, I accidentally stepped over her boundaries. However, in her mind I was a bad person.


That's what annoys me, I think it's a modern condition- people judge someone on one action, one comment, one conversation, and there is no way back after that. I wish people would observe others for a while before deciding what they think of them. One thing is not enough to form a correct opinion!

Obviously if the one thing is someone trying to murder you, fair enough to judge them, but I mean normal, usual interactions, not extreme ones.


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