I cannot understand when people are lying

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dudenobody
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08 Jun 2023, 8:58 pm

I have recently found out that I am terrible at knowing when people are lying. I also have a little bit more trouble with understanding sarcasm.

Today my brother said, "I'm gonna go check up on my truck." He dropped his truck off of at a workshop since we damaged the oil sensors when we went off-roading in it the other day. I told him, "I'm coming with!' And he says, "Hell no you aren't." I was very confused, so I asked, "Why not? You're just going to the shop." Then he said, "No, I'm going to a chick's house." I was kind of embarrassed by this but I tried to shrug it off and remind myself to know when people are lying.

In the past I've also had trouble knowing when people are being sarcastic. In elementary school I thought people were my friends but looking back on it, they were all just making fun of me.


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auntblabby
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08 Jun 2023, 10:01 pm

you unintentionally caught him in a white lie. good going :) most white lies go unchallenged so you got some "low hanging fruit" there. next step is to use logic/common sense to detect falsehoods. keep in mind there are stone-cold liars out there who would pass a lie detector test, sociopaths don't react like you and me when hooked up to one of those machines. but short of that type of person, most other people can be caught in lies if you cross-examine them to see how their story holds up.



uncommondenominator
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08 Jun 2023, 10:50 pm

Given that the whole point of lying is that you're not supposed to know it's a lie, from the liar's point of view, there really is no expectation for you to have "known" that he was lying.

You didn't "make a mistake" for "failing to identify a lie" ahead of time - he lied, and you accidentally caught him in it, because you believed him regarding something that was entirely believable, and he probably didn't expect you to want to go with him, else he'd have lied and said he was going someplace he knew you wouldn't want to go. He should feel embarrassed for lying, not you for catching him in one.

Side note - polygraph tests aren't nearly as accurate or useful as TV and movies make them out to be.



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08 Jun 2023, 11:26 pm

It's ok I don't always understand lying either. When and why people lie can be confusing. Just seems easier.to be honest.

seems to me like he could of avoided.confusion better if he just told you the truth.



dudenobody
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08 Jun 2023, 11:35 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
Given that the whole point of lying is that you're not supposed to know it's a lie, from the liar's point of view, there really is no expectation for you to have "known" that he was lying.

You didn't "make a mistake" for "failing to identify a lie" ahead of time - he lied, and you accidentally caught him in it, because you believed him regarding something that was entirely believable, and he probably didn't expect you to want to go with him, else he'd have lied and said he was going someplace he knew you wouldn't want to go. He should feel embarrassed for lying, not you for catching him in one.

Side note - polygraph tests aren't nearly as accurate or useful as TV and movies make them out to be.


This actually makes a lot of sense. I like your point of view.


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09 Jun 2023, 3:54 am

uncommondenominator wrote:
Given that the whole point of lying is that you're not supposed to know it's a lie, from the liar's point of view, there really is no expectation for you to have "known" that he was lying.

You didn't "make a mistake" for "failing to identify a lie" ahead of time - he lied, and you accidentally caught him in it, because you believed him regarding something that was entirely believable, and he probably didn't expect you to want to go with him, else he'd have lied and said he was going someplace he knew you wouldn't want to go. He should feel embarrassed for lying, not you for catching him in one.


This is correct.


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uncommondenominator
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09 Jun 2023, 6:19 am

dudenobody wrote:
This actually makes a lot of sense. I like your point of view.


Glad to help :wtg:

Like, I get it if he didn't want people knowing he was going to visit a lady-friend, but that's still on him, not you. A relatively harmless lie on his part, with no real effect on you, other than confusing you about it - but it definitely wasn't your job to have know he was lying.

If anything, I'd find it funny. It was a pretty lazy lie, if that's all it took to get him to say where he was actually going.



xenawarriorprincess
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11 Jun 2023, 10:06 pm

I always know when people are lying and keeping things from me.



auntblabby
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11 Jun 2023, 11:25 pm

^^^i wish i had that talent.



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11 Jun 2023, 11:34 pm

I just assume the greater the statement, the more likely so-and-so is lying, and then allow them to prove me wrong, in time. I also don't put much trust in anyone, and especially so those who have shown they are unable to deal in the truth of things. 'Tis lonely here, but what can ya do?

edit: I just noticed that Powell Peralta logo in OP's PFP. Blast from teh past!


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12 Jun 2023, 6:28 am

It's OK to be fooled when people are telling white lies that are plausible, simple but convincing. I mean I could go home from work tonight and make up a story to my boyfriend about what happened at work today and if it's plausible enough then he'd probably believe me. If I went home and made up a stupid lie like I saw a UFO or something, he probably wouldn't believe me. He might not believe me even if I really had seen a UFO, unless there was evidence of a UFO sighting in the area on the news or something.

Although many Aspies think that lies can only be detected through body language, it's not always the case. Usually people scan for logic. For example if I went for a walk, and the woods was the same distance away from home as the park but were both in different directions, I could easily say I had been to the park when really I went to the woods. So it would be easy to believe. If the woods was miles away from the park and I'd gone to the park but lied and said I'd been to the woods, the other person may think "wait, you weren't gone that long, how could you have gone all the way to the woods in that amount of time?" If they knew I was fit and could run anywhere then they might believe it more.

People can only detect lies through body language if they are bad at lying. For example if my boyfriend was ill and threw up but didn't want to tell me that he'd thrown up, and knowing he was ill already I asked if he had thrown up, I might be able to tell if he was lying judging by the way he said "no".


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14 Jun 2023, 1:42 pm

I never understand either



Summer_Twilight
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15 Jun 2023, 5:25 am

I like the idea of saying things like, “I’m coming with.” That’s a great way to catch someone in a lie.



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15 Jun 2023, 5:48 am

I generally can’t tell when someone is lying. Even if the lie is pointed out to me, I will try to think of ways it could still be true. That’s just my baseline.

If I get a gut feeling something is wrong, I will try to wiggle out and away to think more about it.


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auntblabby
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15 Jun 2023, 4:58 pm

blazingstar wrote:
I generally can’t tell when someone is lying. Even if the lie is pointed out to me, I will try to think of ways it could still be true. That’s just my baseline.

If I get a gut feeling something is wrong, I will try to wiggle out and away to think more about it.

remember there are certain people you can easily tell they're lying just by seeing their mouth move.



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16 Jun 2023, 4:56 pm

I think a lot of NT people struggle with recognizing lies and sarcasm.

My sarcasm is sometimes hard to detect because instead of a typical sarcastic tone I would deliver it deadpan. A close friend, who is NT, would often be fooled. Five minutes later he would abruptly turn to Mr an say "You were being sarcastic!"

Sarcasm is almost a language of its own.