Should you save sex for marriage?

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Luckily I never really planned on even getting married at any stage in my life. I just find it odd that some people can't handle the fact that life circumstances change and the pros and cons of marriage varies alongside. Many seem to have a Disney like view on getting married, even if they're at a different stage in their life and factors other than just love need to be seriously taken into consideration.

I strikes me as strange that people 30+ can be utterly fixated and target blind on marriage to the determent of their own partners. Getting married while older is much more tricky but perfectly doable, but it's essential that people who want to wait until marriage listen to, and seriously consider their partners concerns, or else find themselves under a powder keg of tensions and scrutiny.

Hypothetically, if I put my four houses at risk at the ripe age of 32 on someone who was religious, didn't care about the risks or concerns I faced and waiting until marriage, only to find out they're a flop in bed, I would be livid.

It would be a certain and immediate devorce.

The good news is that you don't have to get married and probably shouldn't.

It's a bad idea to date people who have different perspectives on marriage, too. It's not fair to them or you.

I wouldn't date someone who was obsessed with marriage because I'm not remarrying. Once was bad enough.

Hmm.. wasnt really talking about afterlife in my post, if thats the reference above, but , Sometimes , you might find that if a couple of aspies can get together ...And you are around them or interact enough...and interpersonal anxiety has dropped away,you may find that finishing each others sentence might , go on and on...then it goes to finishing entire thoughts of your ,partner/ mate?
Sometimes the understanding between each other almost need no explaination,(almost ever).The sex is just gravey on the dressing, You get each others Psychological Software .For a Aspie .Think this is a specialness right here on earth. And I do not think that Aspies get that with just anyone.
Please Just consider am only speaking of my own opinions and experiences.
Life is suppose to be a learning experience...regardless of what you and your Partner want ,intimacy of all types
its all just learning ,how to grow ( be) with each other .
but saving sex as the cherry ( no pun intended here) on top for that day/ night / or when the timing is good.Could wet ones lips for that special occassion. .........
Sorry on the visuals ... but ,i coildnt resist the pun ..
And obvviously not everbody gets marriage either, but some do..and not all aspies are on the same level of the spectrum. But by accident , I did find one at very close to my level, ( late hubby). So I know they are out there.

I was responding to Nades post that was above yours.

People do have different views on sexual relationships and marriage. Marriage is just not for me. I love the idea of romantic love, but I don't think marriage is necessary for that.

You get NO arguement from me on that ...TP, but sometimes if lucky and your partner get each other Sometimes that great romance ,might lead to other things?. just Sayin..."

Sorry about your previous experiences Twilight Princess

Romantic love can lead to a committed relationship, but it will never lead to marriage for me. I don't find the idea of marriage at all enticing and won't no matter what. Relationships can be just as committed without it.

Marriage goes against my personal convictions.

AFAIK, you have very bad experiences with it.
I have good experiences with my marriage - it's just officially recognized committed relationship, making life together a bit smoother with paperwork and clearer with other people.
Getting married just to have sex is a very bad idea. Marriage is primarily about living together, that's an entirely different and big decision.
Never having sex outside a committed relationship - some like it that way, some probably can't imagine it that way.

I have nothing against other people getting married if they want to. I have a lot against marriage from a personal standpoint, which is why I said it went against my personal convictions. Even without the bad experience, I never wanted to get married. I only did it due to complex religious reasons. My family was threatening to shun me.

I suppose, although that's generally independent of the actual legal marriage. And the atrocity of common law marriages, doesn't require either.

I personally had 2 marriages to the same woman without a divorce in between. A legal marriage at a courthouse and a Persian ceremony so that her relatives would recognize the marriage. I was pretty angry that we had to do that in the middle of the pandemic, because apparently they wouldn't recognize it if it didn't happen before our first anniversary. Hardly anybody I knew was able to attend, and only mostly just the relatives she had that were vaccinated came. Sigh.

i think anything that goes in a relationship is up to the people involved.

if they both want to save sex for marriage then thats ok. if they want to do it and not be married then thats also ok.

what matters in my opinion is that both people are on the same page about what they want from the relationship and that they engage in sexual actvities in a way that is safe and consensual.

That’s certainly not the case for stricter denominations of Christianity. If people in my former church got married in the church before they could obtain a marriage license, they weren’t allowed to live together or have sex until they got the license. It was so ridiculous.

The legal side of things was a requirement; a church wedding was not although it was strongly encouraged. People would be judgmental if there wasn’t a church wedding.

I didn’t have a wedding. Being legally married was bad enough.

magz is here?!

Hi magz!!

I'm outright not marrying either. I think it's wise to view anyone who expects you to put yourself into considerable financial risk as a requirement to progress a relationship with the utmost of suspicion.

If someone came along at my age (they have) and expected me to sign four houses over just so she feels happy losing her virginity then she probably shouldn't even be dating and should take a few month hiatus off the crack pipe.

Most people lose their virginity without incident or risk in their teens or early 20s and thats how it should be.

Then you obviously have the religious element of waiting until marriage with a religious person which is a whole different can of worms........

^ I’m not sure if that’s how it should be. Everyone is different. I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity at that age. Sometimes the right person hasn’t come along yet for whatever reason, too.

It’s important to have sex with a non-asshole for one’s first time.

Anyway, it sounds like you know what you want for future relationships. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who wanted to wait, either, even if I was pro-marriage. Most people who want to wait are religious. That, in and of itself, would be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn’t be with someone who was religious because we wouldn’t be compatible. I’d prefer an atheist.

Hi Issy
It took me a while to regenerate after last Easter gave me the last straw.

Back to the topic: I was religious when I got married but, considering my marriage smoothly survived giving up religion, it maybe influenced timing of the decision but not the decision itself.
We wanted to live together first.

Agree. I think the typical norms need to be looked at as baselines not to stray too far from.

The reality is, generally speaking, most people lose their virginity before their mid 20s, usually after dating for a few months to a point where trust has been built. It's pretty much been like that since the dawn of humanity.

If someone is 30 and needs someone of similar age to put their pension, home, savings and whatnot at risk in addition to walking down an isle to gain enough trust to lose virginity, then they're probably off their trolly, shouldn't be dating and "dodgy" as we call them in the UK.

I just like keeping things simple anyway.

Last edited by Nades on 24 Aug 2023, 5:16 am, edited 1 time in total.