How did your childhood impact your love life?

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After the event, I found myself flipping between reckless aggressive confidence and excessive shyness. Granted, there were other events that led to this contradiction in behaviour as well. I went through a lot as a teen. Took a while to sort through it all. My confidence was always going up and down rather rapidly.

I found myself a bit out of step with my emotions. I used to write poetry. Found it helped me to put things into words. Then I'd take a break and go do something fun. That way it wasn't too overwhelming.

Gradually, I had to learn how to be confident in a collected manner. Not jump to the defensive.

Regarding PTSD, I know it's something which was mentioned to me on another forum when I brought up this topic. I think I always dismissed it. Then it came up again when I found myself reading a book with a character with PTSD and it resonated. Made me wonder.

I can't really say for sure. Not without diagnosis. All I do know is that it took a toll. I went back to where it happened and made some happy memories there. That helped me to put things into perspective. Helped to cement the fact that the danger was over. I was able to move on in a sense. Accept the past, not run from it, but not have it control me. Not that I'm saying I suggest that, just that it helped me in that particular circumstance.

My parents had such an outdated view of marriage, or maybe just worded it wrong? My dad wasn't abusive to my mom or anything...he was fiercely protective of her and didn't veiw her as an object. They stayed married until my dad died from cancer last year. But anyway, my mom worded it in a way that made it sound as if a woman HAS to be subservient to her husband and obey him. I'm like "WTF? So what you're saying is as soon as finally grow up and can't be bossed around by adults, I have to give all that freedom up for some guy? No way! I'm staying single forever! I had a boyfriend for a while but he was a scrub that abandoned me when I refused to have sex with him. Dude, you have to EARN that and we haven't even been together for a year. I expect your boundaries, Dude and I expect you to respect mine. You are NOT entitled to sex whenever you want it. You don't get it. I was raised in an extremely sheltering environment and basically still learning about it. That's something a person needs to learn on their own terms. My "sex ed" classes only consisted of telling how a baby grows in the womb. I always always told certain terms I heard on the school playground by less sheltered kids were "dirty" and "not allowed in this house". I was even told "sex" was a dirty word when I asked what it meant. Thankfully my mother told me all about periods when I was 10 and talked about it until I had it. I kinda figured that's what was going on when it happened. But as for sex, I kinda had to learn on my own. My stupid boyfriend told me to watch porn. Uhhhh, no. That's the WORST way to learn. He ended up dumping me because I wouldn't let him cross my boundaries.

I made up my mind at 4 that I never wanted children. Yes, 4. I had experienced other people's babies of all different ages and never liked being around them. So why would I want one of my own when I grew up? My mom said it was perfectly fine for a woman to grow up and not be married or have children...to only get married if I wanted to and never tried to use me as a grandchild factory. I ended up needing a hysterectomy at 23. Thankfully I had a REALLY understanding doctor who understood how much of a burden pregnancy, childbirth and raising said child would be on me and a 3 week long period every month would eventually kill me. Everyone said I would come to regret it in the future, it's been 10 years and I don't.

Getting positive attention from popular/attractive women at such a young age gave me hilariously high standards for future relationships Combined with listening to tons of sappy 1950s-80s love songs while being thrust into an era where hookup culture seemingly reigns supreme and you have a recipe for frustration

I was raised by a depressed single mother who sort of ignored me most of the time. She didn't really make a lot of rules or actually do anything.

From this near absence of rules I gained my love of freedom. So then when girlfriend starts making a lot of rules or trying to control me, I find it stifling.

Constant teasing and mocking by others about girls. Stopped me from talking to them in all but friends only convo. It wasn't until my mid 20s when I became happy enough to date. Even basic things that people half my age can do like getting a box of condoms feels daunting to me because I half expect all the customers around me to burst out into choreographed laughter. I didn't get an STD test until literally 5pm today for the same reasons. I only booked after a friend pretty much watched a clap infection pass over to me in real time in front of his face two weeks ago. I couldn't deny what I done when he seen it happen and he put pressure on me afterwards.

If you always feel like you're laughed at, the feeling continues into adulthood. I keep my love life completely and utterly seperate from my every day life for fear of what others think. I tell my friends and my parents nothing and keep it mostly casual only.

I think it impacted it in a positive way. My parents had their flaws and eccentricities, which could be hard sometimes, but they were loving and warm, so I learned to be that way with my partners.

I don't mean to bum anybody out! I'm truly sorry and sympathetic toward everyone who has had a difficult time.

On the other hand, I assumed that my partners loved me like my parents did and that caused a terrible disappointment that I may never get over, because I was too trusting and just didn't expect anything different.

I was bullied a lot when I was little & I struggled with LOTS of things that others didn't. I had various issues that no one seemed to understand & I never had a very close relationship with anyone including my family. I had a few friends at times but no one I was super close with. I didn't have much interest in romantic relationships until I stumbled into my 1st relationship at 20. Emily was the 1st person I ever really connected with & felt close to & we were best friends before she told me she liked me. I was very clingy & needy with her & with my 2nd & then with my current gf due to to them being the only people I really connected with & felt close to.

Now when it comes to getting romantic relationships, I'm sure my social skills are worse due to me being an extreme loner growing up partly as a result of the bullying & being misunderstood. I'm sure having bad social skills & keeping to myself made it a lot harder for for me to get a romantic partner. It may of also made it harder for me to find employment & not being employed as opposed to being employed at a federal minimum-wage job might of made it harder for me to get a romantic relationship as well.

When thinking about it, I think the influence of my childhood on my love life was generally good. There were some unhealthy behaviors like treating problems with denial and random outbursts of ego but I got some good examples, too:
1. Despite my parents' strongly conservative alignment and not-always-resolved problems, their relationship was founded on mutual respect and support. That's priceless in love life.
2. As unusual as it is - my mom didn't mind small children seeing her bathing. I realized how many problems with my own body it saved me when I talked to other women whose only image of a naked woman came from erotic pictures.

On the bad side - I think if my parents did not taboo sex, I would have been better equipped against being abused.

My parents have a pretty good relationship for the most part. I don't think I ever heard them really fight. However my mom has a bit of passive-aggressive behavior thou. She takes it upon herself to do things like household chores & then complains about how she had to do em because no one else would. Mom's a bit of a perfectionist & complained about the way me & dad would do things. When mom's home & not majorly busy, dad asks her her questions about how to do various things that he's quite capable of doing himself & would do himself if mom was not home because he knows mom would want it done her way. Being asked questions frustrates mom but at the same time she might get upset about things not being done her way. I felt mom criticized me a lot when she was trying to teach me various things but some of it was probably just my interpretation & lots of others would not have that perspective. Me & mom had lots of fights when she tired to teach me things & I didn't want to try learning since I would not learn it correctly & me & mom would just end up fighting. I kinda avoided doing lots of chores as a kid & teen because I figured mom would be upset about em not being done her way & if she's gonna be upset either way, it's alot easier for me not to do em. Mom complained alot about me being lazy & helpless.

I think taking the lazy approach contributed a bit to me having learned helplessness. This impacts my current relationship because I ask Cass about what she wants done & how instead of just doing it. Cass doesn't like telling me what to do & isn't good at directing people so she gets frustrated with me asking her. She's also a bit of a perfectionist when she does things but she doesn't complain about me being lazy & not doing things like my mom did. Cass doesn't do a lot around the house at times & when she does things she realizes others wouldn't do it her way so she doesn't resent me for not doing em. She also doesn't complain when I do things that aren't done her way. Instead Cass complains some about various work she has to do & gets overwhelmed sometimes but she doesn't blame me for that.

This affected my work as well when I was working because I asked my managers & others about how they wanted things done instead of just doing them. However I had a very good work ethic in a workplace setting & I found various things to do to keep busy & after I caught on some I quit asking others & made sure things got done without being told about them. I have a very different mindset towards doing work in a workplace setting than I do at home but I do think I could & would do a lot more around the house if Cass directed me a bit more but I don't blame her for not directing me.

How did my childhood impact my love life? Oh lord. Um. Well, I was abused at an early age and as it goes with that stuff, people tend to either be hyper sexual or the complete opposite. I was a hyper sexual young person and now I place no real importance on sex and have no idea how to view it in an intimate or meaningful way...it's purely recreational to me. My parents both cheated on the other and fought a lot. Now? I still have no idea what exactly a functional relationship looks like. My parents fought, and yelled a lot and my mom would attack my dad and throw things at him. I had to work for years to not yell at people and try to learn how to address issues in a healthy way (I'm still working on it. Not there yet). Confrontation (even if only potential for it) freaks me out and I tend to ignore and avoid things I shouldn't. I was neglected and still have zero idea how to ask for help and it rarely if ever occurs to me to even think to tell someone about my day, what's in my head and so on. My mom was an unstable and unpredictable junkie and now I freak out when things go fine in a relationship, I find I'm just waiting for some awful thing to happen so I can react. It's like I get to bracing for impact when things run smoothly in my life. I self-sabotage relationships by keeping everyone at a distance because my early years taught me that the only thing you get from the people who are supposed to care about you is fu**ed up and f**ed over...so it's generally best to not get invested and keep people at a constant arm's length so as to lessen the metaphorical blow when your partner finally does screw you up and over. I seem to be drawn to people with issues (including people who will screw me over) because it's like my comfort zone because it's what I'm familiar with due to my upbringing. I also don't trust people..in case that wasn't made clear already. I know, I'm a mess.