Hi everyone,
I am a 51 yo female from Italy, although I look 10 years younger. I read this is typical…
A couple of weeks ago a young AS friend suggested that I could be on the spectrum too. I had considered this sometimes, but I always read the male characteristics and didn’t relate at all. Then I searched on Google “Asperger’s syndrome female” and a new world opened in front of me! I delved into Rudy Simone’s and other authors books, then I read Tony Attwood, watched many videos on YouTube and my life makes so much sense now! Before I saw isolated pictures, now I see the film.
I am really happy, and I want a diagnosis as soon as possible (quite hard in Italy, mostly concentrated on kids and 20 years backward). I am a language geek, translator by profession, bookworm, as a kid I was drawing most of the time and excelled in mathematics. I learnt to read and write on my own before going to school. The first years of primary schools were a nightmare! My childhood was sad most of the time. I thought this was due to family problems, but now I understand it was me not aligning with my peers. I didn’t like kids because they were noisy and moved too much. I didn’t like kids games. I hated dolls and typical girlish things. I don’t like my peers now (with exceptions of course!) because they complain too much and lack enthusiasm. As a kid, I looked like a lady, now I look like a girl. I have always liked to be on my own (my job too is very solitary). And I felt guilty because of that. Not anymore! I am very sensitive to smells and noises and people always thought I am picky or arrogant. I’d like to give them my stomach and confusion when a smell enters my system! I realized I made many decisions based on smell or taste. One of the sentence that has been repeated to me: I wonder why you’re so intelligent but can’t get this. Some very NT people tend to criticize or “fix me” though I never tell them what they should do. And yet I can clearly see their destructive patterns (I am sooooo good with patterns and at linking things).
I am an independent adult, live alone with my cat, but some tasks, like practical life ones, drain me and I tend to procrastinate. Honestly, I’d like to spend all my days concentrated on my interests. I run and cycle, and this has incredible benefits. No sugar, no caffeine and a WFPB diet also have great benefits. If I eat sugar especially on an empty stomach I almost have to lay down because my head spins. And again, people think it’s psychological. I am just very sensitive to some substances. I recently stopped drinking alcohol and I understood I used it to dumb my feelings, decrease my understanding and like more other people’s company. I am very social and like being with people, but it has to be short. I love travelling, but it has to be on my own.
Needless to say, like many others on the spectrum, I was diagnosed as bipolar and given drugs when I was 20. I am not bipolar and I have never been clinically depressed! I was just depressed because I was overwhelmed or was living a situation I couldn’t cope with or didn’t like. Psychiatrists and psychologists can do us so much harm…
At my age, I am still super naive and honest, but I want to stay that way, although sometimes it’s financially draining. Some people took and will take advantage of me, but on the other side I can create beautiful connections and spread a different way of being human. Actually, good hearted people, even if they’re NT, adore me an find me inspiring. But it took me a long time and suffering to get here! Sorry for having written so much, but I am happy if someone can relate and tell me her/his experience.
23 Sep 2023, 6:12 am
