The Dating Pool Dropouts by Olivia Reingold

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I never suggested that most men behave this way, but violence towards women, especially autistic women, is a huge problem and concern as the evidence I provided demonstrates.

There are lots of single women on WP, including myself.

Also, once again, finding a date or partner does not equal success. Sometimes there are worse things than being alone.

If there are 15 cups on a table, 14 of them contain your favourite beverage, but the other one contains urine, you probably wouldn't be keen to blindly pick one up and have a sip.

I presume that most men are safe to be around, but women don't know who the dangerous men are before they reveal themselves to be dangerous. Therefore, it's understandable that women have their guard up around unfamiliar men.


How about the looming prospect of being alone, unloved and "touch-starved" your entire life, while having no choice but to watch idlely by while the rest of the world are able to engage in something so human, and you have to wonder what's so wrong with you that nobody ever liked you like that?

People who can't get dates, and who don't receive any romantic or sexual interest from anyone are prone to internalise this lack of interest as a reflection of their worth on the dating market. Not only do we feel lonely, we feel a sense of worthlessness, and we feel alienated from a society compromised mostly of people who get to experience what we're highly driven but frustratingly unable to experience.

I would have to think that it would be much easier to be single as a person who has had their fair share romantic love, and who has a concrete sense of self as it relates to being attractive enough for prospective partners to consider

Being able to get dates affirms that you're adequate enough to be considered by people you're willing to consider. It's plausible that the right date with the right person could end up transforming into a relationship.

Not being able to get dates, never or scarcely having dated, and never or scarcely receiving romantic interest from anybody despite having wanted a partner for several years makes it almost impossible to conceive of a reality where we finally get to have a partner.

^ How about only having been in situations where people hurt and abused you so badly that it’s ruined your life? What do you think that would do to a person’s self-worth? It might make a person wonder if they don’t deserve any better and if there’s something fundamentally wrong or unlovable about them to be treated in such a hurtful manner, especially by people who are supposed to love, honor, and cherish them the most. What about being hurt so deeply one longs for the days when they were desperately lonely? Maybe they still are lonely and have always been so. One doesn’t need to be alone to be lonely.

There are obviously other ways for people to feel lonely and develop a low self-esteem.

My point is that in the instance of being perpetually unable to get dates and experience romantic intimacy, remaining chronically single and lacking dating prospects is the cause of diminished self-worth.

Remaining single perpetuates the pain and paints a very bleak potential future, so there's about as much solace to be taken in "there's worse things than being single" for an unwitting chronically single person as an abuse victim would find from "there's worse things than being abused".

There's always worse things than 'x', but that doesn't mean that 'x' is tolerable, and how bad 'x' actually is can vary wildly from person to person, based on numerous factors.

I was just speaking from personal experience because I’ve experienced both. One thing gave me PTSD which makes life difficult and complicated; the other did not.

I stand by my comment you quoted because it’s true: “sometimes there are worse things than being alone.” I even used a qualifier - sometimes.

My overall point in the context of the conversation was that ND women do not have it easier than ND men when it comes to dating.

I think the point that TGI and I are trying to get across is that it feels demeaning to us single & lonely guys that whenever we open up about our struggles & desires, someone often comes around and tells us that we have it good because we’re single. It feels invalidating.

I got into a similar discussion with Magz on a different thread not that long ago.

Last edited by Zakatar on 16 Oct 2023, 11:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

The problem is that you consistently make it about gender. There are lots of single and lonely women, too. Maybe if you were more inclusive, you’d elicit a better response.

I’ve been single for many years now, and other women here are in the same boat.

I’m sure there are, but a significantlt less number than men. Stop invaludating my and TGI’s experience.

I’m not. I can say what I like as long as I’m not breaking the rules.

When you say that there is a “significantly less number than men,” you are invalidating the experience of women who struggle and experience the same amount of loneliness that you do.

Whilst it is true that there are lonely women as well as men, it is culturally a thing that there is a loneliness epidemic amongst men rather than women.

A lot of the same men, short term date many women, and many men get left out completely from the dating arena.

And this effects autistic men even more so than NT men.


Women can still get by dating without having a job these days, whereas the same being true for men is a lot less common. Which is an example of the titled odds playing field in terms of dating.

But yes, there are lonely women too. I think that is an obvious fact.

Even if that's true about the loneliness epidemic affecting men more than women, which I'm doubtful that it is, it doesn't make one bit of difference on an individual level. A lonely woman isn't going to say that she has it easier because fewer women are lonely than men overall.

The last man I dated was condescending about my poverty, so the double standard doesn't always hold true there, either.

I believe you are as lonely as any man on this forum, TP.

I have noticed though that autistic females fare better with dating in general, than autistic men.

You seem to be an exception to the trend.

That's not what the numbers seem to demonstrate, especially when it comes to stuff like abuse and sexual violence. Sometimes what we observe does not reflect reality on a broader scale.

Claims that a specific demographic has it easier are not helpful. There are a lot of lonely people out there among any gender, including on this forum.

You hit the nail on the head!! !

This is the true cause of my depression!

I want to experience sex and intimacy with a man but because of my circumstances and my disability it has been hard to go out there to search for prospective partners

And I have been in romantic relationships before, just never married

What we need is Virtual Reality sex! We would wear the right outfit that has haptics, then go into VR and have sex with another person wearing a similar outfit. All the pleasure, none of the pain of an actual face to face. If you have seen Ready Player One, you will know the outfit I mean

!	Cornflake wrote:
	Let's not go down another thread-killing rabbit hole of "X has it worse/better than Y", Ok?.