Grief

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back to Grief...am thinking a little different issue , Now hubby is long past ...over ten years now ..+ .....
And the bonding , when I think of it ...And the Loss of someone whom literally got me , and had good understanding
Was an impossibility to lose . Now time has come , that I must consider Cleaning out some of his possessions.
Particularily to this situation .. a single article of clothing . He shared things with me from his time in the AirForce, from early parts of the Veit Nam War..I was "in " late in the War/ Police action.His job eventually settled on being a crew cheif on board a C-130 Aircraft.
After years of being flightline mech. for Many fighter bomber squadrons . But the details he share inspite of really serious appearing PTSD. He had no immediate contacts from his time in the AirForce.So I was obviously a safe choice. Fall of Saigon type stuff. !, Ton sen Nut, In country LZ bases .. shellings bombardments . Taking US soldiers bodies back out from these same bases .His experiences , became mine . He was quite detailed in his sharing .
He earned and was twice decorated . Which i never knew until his death,from miltary records .From flying across countries , Doing resupply from Thailand and The Phillipines , To being in country ,and having a starter motor on his C-130 quit , And repairing under constant threat of bombardment. When at that base the CO in charge of that LZ told him if no repaired by dark , must destroy his aircraft,So not to encourage further human wave assaults .
But without equipment and for some reason from being an old hotrodder, he kept spare parts for the engines unbeknownst to anyone else .And working upside down, got the engine repaired . For i do not think wanted to stay there or have to walk home ? Taking off From whatever base got destroyed by a volcanoe in the Phillipines? i think many years later . So one article of clothing was his personal flight jacket .Amongst other more personal things. His flight cap . but this flight jacket is decorsted with pins and "pin on buttons "that reflected the atitude of the common Air force soldier At that time .. It is a well wore jacket,, But everytime i think about having to let go of his things . It breaks my mind , And disables me mentally and emotionally. Inspite of having a new BF .
So maybe greif , does not go. away so easily . So many recollections and learnings all lost .Miss him dearly !

Oh gosh Jakki, that's a big step. Sending you love and light

Yes I think we've shown on this thread that grief doesn't go away easily. August is still a difficult month for me, 40 years on!! !

Sorry kitlily 40 years is a long time ..! thank you for caring

Adults with Autism Grieve, Too

Grief becomes a very unwanted reality of Life...imho . and i had written in another thread about reframing things .. not clearly thinking ..that it was not reframing, i was doing but after many years of psyche suffering .. And even loss of hope. Had read that , if you can manage , to understand that perhaps these diabling memories had done enough of the regret thing..The formatting in the memory might benefit a person, with healing to place them in that imaginary part of the brain . That is long term storage .. Imagine a box for each problematic memory issue .
And a closet to put those boxes in . With the oldest ones being on the upoer shelf ,in the back . And when one of these old memory experiences , pop up into your mind , to try to catch it on the onset..before it gets to nest in your Frontal lobes Again . And perhaps note , that " this " individual memory has escaped out of its box, and mentally imagine putting it back in its box ,and back up on the shelf,in the back . You dont modify or change it . Just give it, its proper home . Not getting in the way of the prefrontal cortex thinking.
Just a thought for trying to deal with long term greif..Took me over a year to get this pattern down repeatedly of
getting things organized up into the closet..And still had to conciously do this mental routine. But much less now.
Not sure but hope this post helps someone ,? sometime..?