I seem to find myself feeling bad because I wasn't one of those very social and ''popular'' kids at school who then left with some friends afterwards and had more social life of occasionally going out for a meetup and drink or coffee or something or going out for the day somewhere like the people I saw on social media some of which I recognised from school and used to see those people hanging around at school or college etc.
Even though I was more mildly autistic than some of my school mates who either had it more severely than me or were somewhere in the middle, I still didn't on my own initiative go over during break or lunchtimes to the mainstream on my own to meet other people who were not autistic like myself, a few people did want to interact with me but I didn't end up at the end of the day with their phone numbers or whatever. I still nearly always ended up being on my own and was not always approached by people not just by neurotypical people but even by my other mildly autistic classmates. The same thing happened even during college and uni years.
I don't know if its because they knew I was different judging from my body language, mannerisms etc and so that was why I was nearly always left alone or that because I still struggled socially in knowing how to start a conversation and how to approach people and having the confidence to do so. I just wish I was more social and confident then as I am now. I also seem to think that had I been then I would have had more social life in the years after school, college, uni etc and feel as though it would make feel ''content'' and ''fulfilled'' with life because I went to more parties, gigs, bars and things despite being someone who didn't want the attention at a party and getting drunk and so on.
04 Nov 2023, 11:36 am
