I need to appear more disabled

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I just replied to all this and my kitten's paw very gently brushed against my trackpad.
Somehow I lost the whole thing.

Grunt.

I've never heard of her but I'd be interested to see that.




I think that happened to me too. I didn't know at the time but it must have been my "quirkiness" that they liked, along with the fact I was seen as an academic. I guess that makes nerdiness hot, in some circles. Add the fact that I had a sizeable inheritance at a young age, and I was a prime target for people who didn't have my best interest at heart.

Oh, and somehow the fact I'd lived in California for two years made me seem sexy. It's not like I hung out in a bikini or had a party life but of course people don't know CA beyond the stereotypes.

In reality I hid from people, made zero friends, and wanted to die because of those attitudes. We were only there because my grandfather had killed himself here and my dad wanted to escape his depression. Not exactly fun times.




People will always get a full and frank answer from me, if they get one at all. Most of the time I'll turn away from them physically and not speak at all, because of my Scopophobia and the fact I'm distrustful because of PTSD.

It's a real crowd pleaser.
Not.

I can't fake it to save my life because I don't know how to mask and I don't even script my encounters.
Lots of people have assumed I'm haughty or a snob because of it. My lack of eye contact seals this deal.

Imagine not having a husband as your buffer.
Husbands give an air of "Someone married her - she must be normal", but I didn't have that.
My ex was actively telling people I was crazy.

I was raising three special needs kids by myself, and forced to be around other parents.
My ex wanted to get custody of his two to save on child support, but for no other reason.

Then, I had to tell people my brother was my third son's dad.
Insert blank looks.
He's adopted but it raised a lot of eyebrows.

People see me as beyond eccentric.

It's very depressing really, because I don't exactly hope to repel people. (Well, not always ...)


*adjusts kitten*




I haven't been to a hairdresser since December 2019, before Covid, and prior to that it was every 18 months or two years. What I meant is that I have long hair because of my salon phobia, and I put it up in twists or plaits which are considered fancy just to keep it out of my face. I'm a knitter so it's easy for me to twist hair, but some people think that means I'm dainty or old-fashioned and demure.

Somewhere under my layers of brusque there's a sweet person who reads 19th Century literature, but she's very hard to find, and only a few lucky individuals have ever had the chance to meet her.

Wink.

These animals, I dunno. So ungrateful for our care

I don't know if you can view this BBC documentary about Christine McGuinness? https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001k31t



I'm sorry you went through all that! People have absolutely no idea what others' lives are like, do they. They just see the outside appearance and judge. When my dad died when I was 13, I was labelled a 'posh snob' and mocked at school. I was bullied and groped, all because they thought I 'needed to be taken down a peg or two.'

When really I was just trying to cope with this terrible loss and desperately trying not to cry and scream in terror and fear 24/7, that's why I wasn't friendly and outgoing. Bloody idiots.



You definitely did not deserve to have a husband like that, I hope you are well away from him now. Ugh, what a jerk. What all mums need is a group of supportive friends and/or family, but those don't seem available for anyone these days, community is dying.

Actually...people liked me better when I was single. I was seen as approachable and friendly, and liked. I remember such fun times with friends.

After I got married, people judged me more somehow. I was/am seen as a 'smug married person' and judged for it, no idea why- I always try to be friendly but it is seen as...well I don't know? Odd? Patronising? Dunno. I had friends before I got married. I don't have any now.

I've been suicidal for much of the time living in this village (23 years), but I haven't told my husband how every day I've resisted glugging down the bleach just to end the loneliness, isolation and self hatred. I'm a target for bullies, somehow, and fake friends, and I gave up on trying to make friends a long time ago. I live on a knife edge- anything could tip me over at any time, like last summer when I lost it and smashed all our kitchen windows when the loneliness and isolation got too much. There was glass everywhere, it was a disaster.



Your hair sounds lovely! I just look like a witch when I have long hair People should judge you less, well everyone should judge everyone less *sigh*