I need to appear more disabled

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maybe but usually if I change the subject like that, people stare and say 'we finished talking about that, why are you still going on about it?'

I tend to avoid people these days tbh, they are too difficult

Apologies in advance for any offence caused

I can remember when we was at school and we had to go to the swimming baths on a minibus and we pretended we was all disabled. I know it's not good pc and all that these days but this was 49 years ago and for us at 10 years old it was f*****g hilarious.

But anyway. I get treated like a shoplifter when I go shopping and a thief and a druggy when I go to work.

I never get credited with any intelligence (or very rarely).

I don't mask and never have done. I don't know if that's where I've been going wrong all these years. Someone once told me that I look like what I am. They were probably right.

@KitLily I don't know how you can act like a disable person without looking as if you are taking the piss out of disabled people.

You can often bring it up the next time you meet someone or that group a people.
Bring a list.

I once met an autistic woman who thought she didn't appear as outwardly autistic.

She was the most outwardly, autistic person I had ever met and I had met nearly 10 autistic people at that point.

She was a walking stereotype of symptoms, and spent much of the time I was in her company, hand flapping and then walking hurriedly on tip toes with her neck stretched too far forward.

I guess some people are not very self aware.

I think it's good that you look like what you are, it is honest and people don't have false expectations of you.

You're right about looking as if I'm taking the piss. I decided I'm just going to be less eloquent and not censor myself. Then right from the start, people will know I'm strange and won't expect me to have my life all sorted out.

I think I might be TOO self aware and try too hard to be normal, then it probably makes it worse because traits slip out when I'm stressed.

I need to relax and be myself perhaps.

Last edited by KitLily on 12 Nov 2023, 6:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've come to believe that the trying to act normal, even if we think we're doing a good job, is detectable. Possibly just subconsciously.

I think people are aware we're not being genuine and it makes them uncomfortable.

Trouble is when you've spent your life masking, it's hard to unlearn it. I don't even know what's masking and what's natural behaviour in my own case.

Maybe you should just learn to participate in conversations. I found it awkward at first but with practice I can do it much better.

I totally agree. My mother was always horrified/disgusted/mocking if I did anything 'weird' so I learned to very carefully hide everything from her, and probably other people too.

Yeah, as difficult as this concept is and as difficult it is to disinhibit oneself after a lifetime of masking, I have to agree. Being oneself is a lot less stressful, as well as anything else.

It helps that my mother is now so old she isn't looming over me constantly criticising me and taking revenge for...whatever it is I always do wrong

I just go around by myself now and do everything alone, so I expect that is making me quite eccentric and it'll be 'what you see is what you get.'

Someone on another site said they are like that. If someone asks them a question, they give the answer straight out. And everyone else has to deal with it. I am going to be like that.

Sounds like you just need to stop masking. Even this will take patience and practice.

This is so me. ^^
I dress well in public and have fancy hair.
People think I'm going to be refined and feminine when they speak to me.

They're shocked af at how socially inept I am.
I go entirely mute and send out unintended, rude vibes from my anxiety.

In my case I already act very disabled by stimming and making a fool of myself.
It's noticeable that I'm odd even from a distance, apparently.

The disconnect of "pretty woman" vs "acts like freak" confuses the hell out of people.
I've had many people conclude that I'm drunk or stoned.
It even happened when I had my first stroke and the doctor tried to turn me away.
He thought I was drunk.
I guess I didn't stroke properly.

I understand that you want people to know you're disabled.
Just be careful, because it's not fun being pegged as drunk or high.
Being slim makes it worse because they think "meth".

Eye roll.

I dunno.

Start dressing like a Goth.

Spikey hair. Dog collars.

So your appearance will scream "I AM NOT NORMAL".

Oh we have similar problems! Obviously like everyone, we like to look pretty and well dressed...so as you say, the disconnect of pretty woman/acts like freak is too difficult for many people. I've noticed that happens with autistic models e.g. Christine McGuinness, a UK autistic model. She is very beautiful and looks 'normal' but doesn't act 'normal.' She made a documentary about it, so maybe attitudes will change.

I've also known A LOT of autistic people because my mum, husband and I all worked for decades in education with people who have learning disabilities, where many autistic people are. I have noticed a large percentage of autistic people are very beautiful/handsome with regular, even features. I concluded that it could be part of the condition- the way the brain develops or something? And many of us look much younger than our actual ages. That is very common too.

Usually people think I'm very rude/ manipulative/ childish/ stupid. I haven't had the drunk/stoned...yet...

My daughter is more sensible- she is cute and pretty but does a lot of stimming and talking to herself, so people are alerted to her differences immediately. I have never censored her or pressured her so she doesn't mask very much.

I think when I was her age people thought the same about me: they were charmed by my quirkiness. But as we get older, we're supposed to 'grow out of that nonsense' and 'be normal.' But we can't.

I think my weapon of choice will just be bluntness and tactlessness. If people ask me a question, they will get a full and frank answer. If they can't take it, they can jog on.

btw I'm intrigued about your 'fancy hair'! What is that? I have always hated going to the hairdressers so I get my hair cut short so I don't have to go very often.

I don't know about a Goth but you make a good point. The trouble with dressing in a fashion like that, I'd be expected to like Goth stuff or whatever the group likes. But I should make my own fashion shouldn't I.