Advice? High emotions cause distress

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I am in a romantic relationship with someone who has autism. When we have hard emotional discussions they can break down. This can consist of long moments of silence, having a lot of negative self talk, blaming themselves, telling me how much they need me, and talking about how hard everything is and how anxious they get from autism. I want to be here for them as a partner and comfort and care for them because I love them so much. When they break down like this, it can be for hours though. This puts a lot of strain on me mentally and can cause a lot of mental fatigue. This is especially hard when trying to communicate because it makes it harder to think and my words can even slow down and this makes it harder for my partner to understand how my emotions which makes them anxious. I feel like a terrible partner if I say that I need time to myself because they are telling me how they feel like the world is spinning and how they hurt and how awful everything is to them rn, but my mental health is also hurting. If they are hurting so bad and need comfort shouldn't I stay with them til they feel better? But also, I cant take care of them if I am not doing well mentally. I am hoping someone here can shed some light on this. I feel very lost.

I can only talk from the experience of having shutdowns which may or may not be relevent here.

For me shutdowns feel like and to others look like a slow form of fainting. BUT they are different because when I have genuinely fainted, if someone pays attention to me I recover fairly quickly.
When in a shutdown and recovering from one, if people pat attention to me and try to get me to speak (Like in a hospital they would try to get me to say my name and addrrss and what day it is etc (Standard proceedure for pulling people out of a faint to check their minds are "With it" etc), if I try and answer I will immediately go back into another all out shutdown. I need someone there with me who says nothing but is there, and who can talk for me to others to tell them all is ok and not to worry (As if people make a fuss I will get repeat shutdowns which play out in me in a very physical way and are exhausting to recover from where I suddenly need sugary food. (Is not diabetis as have had so many tests for that in my life! )).

I am wondering if somdething like that is heppening but not neccessarily a shutdown but something along those lines where the person needs time to recover without fuss? Is the being forced to think which is needed to reply to someone, that causes the issues. Once the mind has recovered and the person is ready they will be ok... But for me after I recover I will be in what I call a "Shutdown daze" where I will be more vunerable to getting another than I would be if I had not had the initial shutdown. For me, when I get shutdowns my brain uses a lot of energy. So I need a boost of energy in the form of food after I have recovered, and this csn pull me through the shutdown daze. If I can't get food, I have been known to head for bed and go to sleep, and when I wake up, it is as if it hasn't happened.

Shutdowns for me are where I lose my ability to power my limbs or move my body and I can lose my sight and get loud tinitus when this happens. The tinitus is often a sign a partial shutdown js turning into a full out shutdown for me. I will be stuck on the floor until I recover and have to remain there for twice as long as I really need to to prevent repeat shutdowns.
Other people get shutdowns in different ways and may just need to withdraw and take time out. May not effect them physically, but more mentally.

There must be problems with your relationship if you're having these discussions on a regular basis. A lot of people don't appreciate having negative energy constantly dumped on them. If you want advice, you'll have to give some history of this relationship.

BTW what Mountain Goat said is true.

^ This.

Why are you having constant highly emotional discussions? Maybe you should look at yourself.

My current partner is like that but I was on the other end of it in my two previous relationships. In my two relationships I was like that partly due to poor mental health, problems with our relationship, & stress of our relationship being long-distance & being forced to remain so for the forseeable future. My current partner has been like that her whole life due to various mental issues & crummy childhood situation. Before me Cass regularly broke down with her parents & would rant to them for hours. I guess I'm able to handle this because I'm on a good combo of psych meds & I actually like feeling needed by my partner & generally love spending lots of time being very close together. OP is your partner getting any kinda treatment or doing anything to try & work on themselves? If not it might be helpfull for them to see a psychiatrist &/or get counseling. Very unfortunately results can majorly vary. Cass has been seeing a psychiatrist for close to 9 years now & has tried lots of meds. Meds have only been a small help to her but they've been a huge help to me after trying LOTS of meds before getting my combo right. Cass has tried counseling 3 or 4 times in her life with different therapists & found them slightly helpfull. Whereas I tried counseling a couple times with different therapists & it was a waste of my time.