Autistic boyfriend cheated accidentally

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I'm not encouraging him to find someone else. I'm an understanding person and i know we're far away from one another. I always asked him if he's sure he still wants to stay together before because long distance is difficult for a lot of people. I told him a long time ago if he ended up liking someone else that was closer to home I'd understand and we could be friends. This however is not the case because if it was he wouldn't have had a full blown melt down and stopped speaking to everyone and be locked up in his mates spare bedroom every day barley sleeping and eating.

I did message him and told him I wanted to still be with him. However if its too much we can try altering out relationship status to something else like an open relationship or going back to friends if he feels like its too much of everything.

I just want him to be happy and not so devastated about it all. He has abandonment and trust issues and I told him long ago I'd never leave no matter what. While some of you may think its ridiculous to be kind to him about what happened, i dont.

We also haven't spoken in days and those messages were received but not responded to except that he needed space still but he loved me. I'm giving him what he asked for. I'm not pressuring him for answers because its wrong to poke someone that might close up again. Does it stress me out the silence? Absolutely it does, but there isn't much i can do about it except send him random music files to listen to if he chooses to.

I know, but what did he want for her prior to this shutdown?


Also regarding counselling, if it's still an option, look for an online couples' course or a therapist you can both see online by Zoom etc., at the same time, even though you aren't in the same location.

My partner and I didn't see each other every day during counselling. Actually very little, because it was during Covid lockdowns and we weren't allowed to be together for some of that.

Our counselling was online. Then we had homework we did together on video or on the phone, every night.

Note: He did not have PIV with anyone but the counselling was still effective.

After he was initially missing for like 36 hours he finally contacted me. We spoke but it was to push me away. It took 3 more days after for him to write again and he doesn't know what to say or do. I think he ended up traumatized by the whole thing because of his trust issues. He thought it was the one thing he'd never do and ended up doing it and it's messed with him. He wouldn't really listen to reason and i honestly wasn't ready to talk about my own trauma with him about a similar experience.

My wants are pretty easy and its him. I want him still even with this whole messed up situation. He's sweet and caring and one of the best people i know. I'm willing to take him however he's willing to give himself to me.

It's hard to send him the correct message i guess because he's talks for 5 mins and then is off again. I'm rrying my best to not overwhelm him further. Last time i did that he bit me because he was too emotionally distressed and i was harping on him to talk to me more than he could take.

Have you asked him how you can help or what he needs from you at this time? I mean directly. You've done well to remind him that you care for him. Also your music trick seemed to work nicely thsat could be the level of interaction he can support at the moment. I wish you the best of luck.

He just said he needs time to process his feelings. This is the first time we've not spoken purposely for days. He's needed breaks before but it was usually not more than a day at a time when he just needed time alone. I have a very demanding job so i tend to be busy a lot reviewing paperwork. He usually would say good morning and goodnight but not long conversations which was ok because at least i knew he was ok. This is our first biggest challenge we've run into so i feel it's unfair to judge or base everything on this one occurrence going forward. If he want to stay together, I am however going to request he not drink anymore in excess beyond 2 beers to avoid another problem since that girl is still working there and the staff drinking together is a regular thing they do.

Ok you said this

I haven't spoken about conditions to him and i don't think its unreasonable to ask someone not to get trashed again. His friend owns the business where he works and as soon as he comes back they'll do the schedule to make sure they're never on the same shift.

how long you both been together?