Caught in a Trap

Post Reply New Topic

The mum/wife/daughter dilemma. I have no one else to talk to about this.

So we were going to move house in 2024, but our daughter wants to take a one year business course at her college. It is free if she starts when she's under 19; she knows the staff and the college, and they know her; she doesn't want to go to the university where we'll be moving to; the course will set her up for a job or starting her own business.

We were going to move in 2024 back to my home area to be closer to my mother who has dementia, plus my husband and I love the area and can't wait to move back there.

So, what was I to do? Support my daughter or my mother or follow my own dreams? I was torn in two directions, between a rock and a hard place.

I chose to stay here with my daughter because she has her whole life ahead and I can't stand in her way. Plus I love her much more.

Apparently most people have loving, caring mums they adore? Mine has never been like that but she is in a terrible state and needs someone there to support her. But unless I move closer to her, I can't be that person.

So the choice was made, but I'm heartbroken that I can't move home again. I hate where I live, I've been here 23 years. But now another year to go. Plodding along.

Damn! Sorry to hear that but that's how it goes for parents. We sacrifice for the sake of our kids. I was set to move away from our fishbowl several times, but always ended up staying because of the kids. Will she want to move after one more year?

How far is it between where you are and where you want to go?
My kids lived on campus for school and commuted home, about 6 hours.
That's another option but it's costly to pay for two dwellings (or, in my case, I paid three).

Yes, same old same old. I haven't much more to give, tbh. Somehow my own mother managed to get exactly what she wanted and I had to fit in with her. I suppose at least I'm doing better than her.

Daughter said she will do the one year course and we can move after that. If she wants to do more courses she will sort something out. She will be 19 1/2 by then and more independent. It's not a residential course, she will go by bus every day from home, so there's no option of staying in halls or anything.

She thinks after the course she will have a job or go to university, which means she will be staying in halls or wherever and not at home.

Sending hugs.

Sweet Pea hugs