Need some help navigating really tough state

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So I've had ASD all my life (diagnosed with Asperger's at age 2), have been suffering with some type of depressive condition since late elementary school, and some friends recently pointed out that my neurotic and disruptive nature could be indicative of ADHD. I see myself in a friend who has an official AuDHD diagnosis, so I think it tracks.

I am currently in college trying to get my BSc in Computer Science because I convinced myself I liked tech gadgets and that I am good at the foundational logic. I've held exactly one job in the field (web dev in the summer) but they let me go extremely fast when I told them I would be studying full-time. Therefore, I just found it optimal to focus on my studies, but even that's been hard.

I hit a spiral once when my NT roommate had his girlfriend over, and did a bunch of typing that led to me drawing the shallow conclusion that people with my mindset are bound to be 'deadbeat' partners and not at all worthy of relationships, and it also reminded me of two relationships that ended in breakups when my emotional outbursts became too severe. It pushed me to sit out in the cold and make threats to certain numbers. The cops were called and they held me in an office for about an hour until I would calm down and speak with a person on the phone. I'm still convinced that this is truth, though (at least for me).

What it also pushed is my grades - off a cliff. When I could have easily punched As or higher, I got all Bs and may potentially be failing a class in my first semester at big boye university after practically acing community college. Even with 4 weeks off for the holidays, I feel absolutely disheartened and have now for weeks. Like that nothing I could ever do is appealing to anybody, and that I have no redeemable talent. Refer to the posts where I talk about struggling with severing from a website I was unhealthily addicted to, or failing to salvage enjoyment from things I'd picked up, or even the most recent one outlining my lack of motivation.

I really, really don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm not sure where to start. If I have to pay my entire tuition this semester, I would only have $9.5k USD in my bank account and I don't think that's really enough for me to feel comfortable bargaining with it given I have none coming in. And I haven't been employed in half a year, nothing gives me fun any more, I've been withdrawing from talking with friends. I feel like a joke.

I am a retired teacher (32 years in). I am also autistic but was not diagnosed until I was 59. I am currently undergoing recertification as a special education teacher with an endorsement in autism.

I am sorry you are having these problems.

Have you contacted your university? Many schools offer special housing or other accommodations like counseling support for those of us who are on the spectrum.

I have no redeemable talent.
Not true. You were accepted into a University after having done well at a community college.

I really, really don't know what's wrong with me

You're young. You're in a completely new environment. You have an NT roommate. You are socially awkward. When your roommate is hanging out with his girlfriend, you may feel left out. Their relationship may have left you wondering, "Why them and not me? Why do they have a happy relationship while I don't?"

There are all perfectly natural feelings.

What you can't do is to give in to anger and resentment by making threats. As you have already noted, this could land you in trouble with the police. You don't want to derail your future by having a criminal conviction because this would then have to be disclosed to every future employer that you would ever have.

I'm not sure where to start

Talk to your university. See if they offer alternative housing for students with ASD. See if you can arrange sessions with a therapist. Although I just recently retired, I am seeing a therapist because retirement is so much different from having been a teacher. It was through my therapist that I realized that I wasn't ready to give up teaching. Although I was an elementary teacher for 17 years and a high school teacher for 15 years, this time around I will be a special education teacher who works with autistic students.

Having a therapist will allow you to vent, to bounce ideas off his or her head, and to receive constructive criticism.

It sounds as though you're depressed and a therapist will certainly be able to help you with that.

In terms of funds, a lot of schools offer their students part time employment. You should talk to the financial aid office to see if such employment is available. When I was an undergraduate, I earned a part-time income by working in one of the university's libraries.

In terms of motivation, put yourself on a schedule. Include your classes, passing time before and after classes, meals, and sleep. Put yourself on a study schedule. If you find your room too distracting, go to the library. There should be study cubicles. There might also be private study rooms.

If you need to socialize, your university should have all sorts of extracurricular activities. I belonged to a gaming group. We met once a week for board games at the student union. Failing that, go to meetsup.com. Enter your zip code and see what social groups pop up.

You could also volunteer. I have previously volunteered at a food bank. You could also consider helping out at an animal shelter.

In addition to worship services, lots of churches offer social activities like movie night and potluck dinners.

You don't have to be alone unless you want to be alone.

It sounds to me like you need to take a break from university, because it's causing you too much stress and you are unable to cope with it. They probably have a medical leave policy. Talk to someone at the university, possibly a dean. My university had a Dean of Students. If they are not the right person they should be able to direct you to someone who is. They might even be able to not enter your failing grade, if you fail that class, so it won't be in your record.

Taking a break and having this weight off your shoulders might be able to let you see yourself in a more positive light. I'm sure you have many good qualities and talents, you're just not able to see them when everything is so overwhelming.

Seeing a therapist should help too, but make sure you find a good one. Ask for a recommendation from anyone you can.