I think I killed my relationship

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THIS IS NOT FOR KIDS!








I had my bf from Louisiana up in Canada for 10 days and, at first everything went well. It was all good and we were having fun. Then, on Sunday, 2 days before he was due to leave, he asked if we could just be friends for now, until I move down there (I'm planning on going down for Uni) because the distance was too much for him. I said I understood and we agreed to see other people. Then, yesterday (Monday) we mutually realised that it couldn't work if we did that. We both had too many feelings for one another.

In short, we got together again and we were both happy. One thing led to another and... I think all of you get the drift. It was the first time for both of us and he freaked, thinking he had hurt me. Today, without me getting the chance to really talk to him about it, he went home.

I don't know what to do to help him now and I'm scared he'll be too scared to continue to even speak to me. He's PDD-NOS and he's had a really bad life until a couple years ago and little things can freak him out.

It doesn't help that I'm his first gf.

Does anyone have any suggestions of what to say/do? If a mod feels that this needs to be put over to the mature discussions board (I wasn't sure) I am indeed 18, so go ahead.

Sorry Taineyah but I have the exact same kind of problems myself. I can definatly relate, though. I'd love to hear how other experienced people on the site can help with this kind of thing?

Thanks for sharing this. You should be certain about how you feel about this first time. Once you know that, share that with him in the most comfortable way he can handle. That may be writing or a phone call but once you know how you feel about the experience, you will have a better idea of what to share. It sounds like you want to continue the relationship. In that case, reassure him that he didn't hurt you and it was a good thing to happen.

Good luck,

Jerry

Just let him know that you haven't freaked, and you are okay with this. Don't get overly mushy, but certainly don't withdraw.

I agree,

I think you should call him though and try too make things right again. If you truly feel for him make sure you tell him that and it wasn't a mistake.

Just stay really really calm about the whole thing. Whatever you feel like you need to tell him, he probably needs and would want to hear.

If it was both your first times, it's pretty normal to freak out. Also, it would be weird if he hadn't hurt you the first time. It's supposed to hurt. If he hadn't, he wasn't doing anything right.

Good luck!

Well, I don't know that it's _supposed_ to hurt. The goal would be to do it without causing pain. But it often does hurt, regardless, and that's not surprising.

He may not realize that a little pain the first time is pretty typical, and shouldn't be a worry now that the first time has passed.

i agree with what everyone else had said sofar on here, you do need to speak to him and re-assure him that he has not hurt you, i know that it can be a bit scary thinking that you have hurt someone you love. ring him and talk him through what has happened and explain that even though it is scary you still feel strongly for him and want to be with him

baby

I think nayashi was referring to a girl losing her virginity, rather than sex in general. Tearing the hymen is supposedly quite painful the first time. I say 'supposedly', because I'm a guy, and I have no idea.

Yes, I understood that this comment was in reference to a girl losing her virginity. I'm female, by the way.

I was trying to be polite in disagreeing with the comment, "It's supposed to hurt. If he hadn't, he wasn't doing anything right." I maintain that if he had managed to do it without hurting her, he would certainly have been doing everything right.

The goal would be to do it without causing pain. But it often does hurt, regardless, and that's not surprising.

Oh... yeah maybe I should have read your name first. Hmmm, quite the Sherlock I am.

I'd comment, but I don't know you or your boyfriend, so I don't feel I have enough information to make any suggestions.

Sorry- but you're on your own, kid.