I hate meltdowns and rating a bit

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I really hate meltdowns and hate having them and dealing with strong emotions like when I feel anger really badly. My meltdown today was really bad I was screaming and crying wanted to hurt myself. I still am feeling blue and on edge like I could go into another meltdown at any time. I try to hug my stuffies and walk around my room and that only help a little. I have a weighted pad I put on my chest it helped a little not that much. I'm so tired of being autistic and neurodiverse. My therapist doesn't know autism that well so he's not of that much help. I'm angry at myself and sad