You're so Sensitive

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Today I was talking on the phone with my mother. She always has jokes that I don't get. She always has to say "I'm joking". Today she said, "You are so sensitive".

I just don't get it when people are joking. I think they are serious. I answer them as if they were. My mother has no clue I'm looking into an Aspie DX, and if and when I get it, how do I tell her?

I'm not that young, but I don't think she can handle it. My brother had ADHD and Dyslexia, he coped by using drugs. My father was most likley and Aspie and coped using alcohol. I don't want my mother to think I'm sensitive or thick or whatever, but I don't think I can tell her.

I'm really sensitive too. It happens. Once I realized that I'm in the top one percentile of sensitivity I began to get better, but I'm sure I will always be really sensitive. I wouldn't trade it (example: I'm really good in bed).

As for telling your mom, if you think that it would upset her and make things worse for either her, you, or both, then I think there is an easy solution - not telling her. I think it's good to be as open and honest as possible with everyone, especially your parents, but there is also nothing wrong with withholding something of this nature. An AS DX is for YOU to help YOU figure out your strengths and weaknesses and how best to be happy, productive, etc. It's up to you whether you want to disclose or not.

P.S. Another NYC aspie... wooot. We should have a meet up group or something.

Thanks Butch, I think you are right. The DX is for me, to give me peace of mind.

I suppose there aren't too many NYrs here?

Not too many. I think NYC life is a little hectic for a lot of aspies. There are some though.

I'm not sensitive, but there are times where I do miss jokes. So I wouldn't call it being sensitive, it just means we interpret things too literally.

I'm also very sensitive, I don't always get jokes either, but I've learned how to read people when yhey are saying something that's supposed to be funny, it isn't always that easy.

I don't think you need to tell you're mother. If it's only gonna upset you and you're mother as Butch said. As it is you the AS DX is meant for, not her.

Won't help for phones, but I did learn a little "face reading trick" a while ago.

When people are making a joke, and they don't laugh at it themselves, they'll often leave their mouth slightly open like a teenager. As if waiting to keep on talking, but needing a breath first. I think this is because they are waiting for the other person to laugh to give them permission to have a little giggle at their own wit.

So if you find yourself in a face to face situation and you are wondering to yourself if what was said was a joke or serious, look to the mouth. If it is slightly open then there is a good possibility that they though what they just said was funny. Of course, there are other reasons people have their mouth open, so the last little give away is if the mouth twitches a little bit.

Not fool proof. And won't help with the phone, because there is nothing to look at of course.


As for the topic, I have no idea how you want to tell her. For my dad I just told him straight up, my psychiatrist thinks I might have autism so we are looking into it. I told him when I was still looking into it, so his knowledge sort of gained with mine. With my mother it was more of the same. However I have a history of being diagnosed with different mental illnesses (one's that never really fit until Autism came along.) So I've had lots of practice with saying... well, this is what the psychiatrist thinks it might be now... type deals.

Can't give advice for someone looking to explain it to someone who already has negative connotations associated with that diagnosis, and mental illness in general. Hope you work something out though.

Hey...I am from Upstate New York about 200 miles from New York City. I love NYC...and find that people forget there is a BIG
state attached to New York City... and New York State is not all skyscapers. Besides, I have an easy access to the Adirondack
Mountains, the Catskill Mountains, the Massachusetts Turnpike, Cooperstown...and the Baseball Hall of Fame, excellent colleges
and many other great things. Maybe that's why all the refugees from war torn countries...Russia, Vietnam, Bosnia, Somalia,
Burma and Iraq are moving into my hometown...rents are reasonable, housing is available and not in crowded conditions like NYC and many public services easy to obtain.

Thanks guys.

I usually can face read, it is the phone that screws me up. I miss subtle inflections. You would think after all these years, I'd get her jokes. Oh well.

No, I don't think I'll tell her. Wish things were different though.

It's so weird to compare the different ways in which aspies socialize. An example would be that I am very aware of facial expression, very aware of subtle voice inflections... in fact, I am so sensitive to it that I come across and speaking very monotonously and keeping a blank face, when I don't feel that way at all - I feel like I am being expressive, but other people have trouble detecting my inflections.

To explain it a little better, I always know when other people are joking, but it's very common for people to think I am serious when I a joking. I walk a very fine line between seriousness and humor (half of the time, I don't even know if I'm joking or for real)

I am very sensitive emotionally. Always have been & likely always will be. It's the reason I don't work 99.99% of the time. I am *NOT* lazy!! ! Many people either label me lazy or ask me if I'm lazy and it really makes me mad! If I'd let that become the proven truth, I would NOT survive cuz I'd lose my government benefits.

I can't take jokes very well. It sure is a damn shame when people "forget" to tell me they're joking. I always take them serious. It's part of having AS. There are a few Aspies who can take jokes without being informed that a joke is being told, but I am NOT one of 'em. A staff woman @ a group home I once lived in used to label me "paranoid" cuz of how seriously I take people when they're joking. I am *NOT* paranoid!

I used to get told "You need to learn how to take a joke". Yeah, I might have been able to do that if I could tell the difference between joking and being malicious.

I'm very sensitive... I always take criticism and jokes - no matter how innocent or nice they are - to heart and get all hurt.

I also used to take things so literally that I'd have nightmares about the devil coming to eat us all (that was a ghost story from a friend) or the end of the world (that was my cousin joking around) or my bed blowing up (that was my brother's friend teasing me)... the list goes on.