likelihood with AS that your children are on the spectrum

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Pepperfire, my son and his significant other have been dating for four months and are just beginning to talk about marriage -- they won't actually be getting married for a year or so.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a kind of epiphany (my friends love to make fun of me when I use that word, 'cause it is kind of a funny word) and I couldn't sleep afterwards.

What I've come to understand is this:

I started getting on WrongPlanet because I wanted to read what other adults with AS had to say about having AS, so that I could understand my son more and be able to see where he was coming from. I also had this crazy idea that maybe, just maybe, I might have something positive and helpful to offer other parents who might be down, sad, or confused like I have been at times in the past -- not sad because of my son's AS, but sad because of my inability to know what I can do to make his life easier, or sad because sometimes he seems to be having a hard time.

It occurred to me with this particular thread that I'm slipping away from my original intentions on WrongPlanet. I've read so many posts by others, particularly by Smelena, who are always positive and upbeat, and who honestly provide help for others. It seems that for me, writing on forums has slipped into something less than that. I unknowingly write things that are not uplifting, that could be offensive. If that's the case, then I should just sit down and shut up.

Kris

I agree that the OP should express his/her views here. But he/she should probably recognize that this is a sensitive topic and can offend people. I'm an aspie who's been dating another aspie for about 19 months, and we've talked about marriage. My mother has briefly discussed the subject with me, asking "if I worry about the Asperger's." If you're going to be making implications about people's genetics, it's probably good to at least make the focus on the other person's worries rather than the parent's. She and my sister briefly mentioned adoption, which was a bit offensive to me, but then my mom said that she'd "support me no matter what." Not a perfect way of dealing with the situation, but not bad either. Personally, I feel like parents shouldn't try to say too much on the topic. I think just making sure the child knows ASDs are genetic (and not caused by vaccines!) is pivotal. If you know of genetic research, you might ask if they're interested in reading about it. Ask if they want to talk to you about it at a future date. But the decision to have children is made between two people, and others should tread lightly.

If my kid was mildly on the spectrum I think I'd have no problems - I'd be totally willing to help him or her. My fear is that I'll have a kid who is so severely autistic that he or she is unmanageable and miserable. I don't know if I can handle that.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I am AS, husband is AS, and our bio daughter is AS-HFA. We have 3 adopted children as well.

After years of infertility, we finally figured out what was wrong and I could have had another bio child. We chose not to. We chose to adopt again. We were told that the chances of us having a severely autistic child were great because we already had one autistic daughter- especially if we were to have a son. We also both have diabetes, I'm mildly bipolar, and hubby has a blood clotting disorder and so do a few of his cousins. We have a lot of screwy genetics from polygamous Mormon inbreeding and we are related through it too. We also did not see the point in adding another child to this already overcrowded world when we could give a home to one already here.

When we were awaiting an adoption match, we considered placement of a 2 y/o with autism, mostly non-verbal, but he ended up having relatives come forward. We also considered placement of a 6 month old baby who's birth-dad had autism and birth-mom has schitzophrenia, but we were matched with our current baby while waiting for more info on that baby. So obviously the autism issues was not the main reason we didn't choose to breed another kid. LOL!