Aspie guy's confusing behavior-please help.

Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

autisticstar
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 125

29 Jul 2008, 9:53 pm

Well, here's an update on the confusing Aspie guy situation. It has been almost five months and we are still together :D .
We went out two nights in a row this past weekend. On an impulse, I sent him an e-mail suggesting that we meet his father for coffee or soda or something :oops: . I thought he might get scared or something but he replied that maybe we could get together with his father in September. His father lives in the same city but will be moving elsewhere in the fall to retire. I hope he didn't think I was pushy for suggesting meeting up with his father. I did pose it as "Here's an idea I had. Let me know if you are comfortable with this idea or not." So at least I didn't demand to meet his father.

He sent me an e-mail entitled "Hello Beautiful" on Monday after the weekend. I normally send him an e-mail on Sundays but this time I didn't. So he expressed concern and asked if I had a good time. I replied that yes I did.

So, was I too pushy about asking about meeting his father? He does not communicate about a lot of things. I'm not an NT, but a friend of mine commented that he has the personality of a wet mop. He does have a very flat affect. Should I have a talk with him about where the relationship is going or just leave it alone?



Gamester
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,935
Location: Newberg, OR

29 Jul 2008, 11:02 pm

autisticstar wrote:
Well, here's an update on the confusing Aspie guy situation. It has been almost five months and we are still together :D .
We went out two nights in a row this past weekend. On an impulse, I sent him an e-mail suggesting that we meet his father for coffee or soda or something :oops: . I thought he might get scared or something but he replied that maybe we could get together with his father in September. His father lives in the same city but will be moving elsewhere in the fall to retire. I hope he didn't think I was pushy for suggesting meeting up with his father. I did pose it as "Here's an idea I had. Let me know if you are comfortable with this idea or not." So at least I didn't demand to meet his father.

He sent me an e-mail entitled "Hello Beautiful" on Monday after the weekend. I normally send him an e-mail on Sundays but this time I didn't. So he expressed concern and asked if I had a good time. I replied that yes I did.

So, was I too pushy about asking about meeting his father? He does not communicate about a lot of things. I'm not an NT, but a friend of mine commented that he has the personality of a wet mop. He does have a very flat affect. Should I have a talk with him about where the relationship is going or just leave it alone?


Star. As the res dating adviser here(I'm surprised I haven't found this earlier). Oh and I'm Gamester. Though you can call me Ninja, Doctor McNinja (My radio host name).

I'd like to say firsthand that the fact that you've been together 5 months is really awesome.

My view from reading all of this is that you're both doing fine in everything. You did nothing wrong in asking to meet his father, in fact meeting him is in general a great idea, because if the father likes you, then there's a chance for the relationship to continue on smoothly.

As for talking about the relationship and where it's going. Yes. You two need to have a talk. Because if you're that worried and yet you've lasted five months then everything is not alright in dreamtown.

couple of questions that you should ask in the context of talking with him are these two:
1) What do you consider me?
By this question, it's simply asking him to explain to you how he feels about you, what his feelings are and to gauge how much he truly likes you.
2) Were I to ask you to marry me tomorrow, what would you say?
Normally it's the male who is supposed to ask the woman, however in my case(not that I've come close to being married.....yet, but in two out of three of my dating experiences, the girl asked me out) I'd be too shy. I don't know how shy this guy is (though the flat affect and personality of wet mop and so forth....) but he might need prompting. this might be a great way to talk about the future.

Just some thoughts.

--Doc--


_________________
I want peace for all. Simple yet elegant.


autisticstar
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 125

07 Aug 2008, 9:15 pm

I just want to cry now. :( He did call me tonight and earlier this week he sent me an e-mail inviting me to a birthday party. He asked me if I wanted to go to the seminar at the church tonight and then after dinner afterwards. I am sad because he mentioned that his father is moving to another city on September 5. He said that he is planning to go to his parents house on Labor Day weekend with no mention of inviting me :( . That is less than a month away. What he said doesn't sound consistent with "Maybe we can get together with my father sometime in September." He said that his father would be back at some point in the fall to work on some projects around his house. Again, no mention of me meeting his father :( . It just doesn't make sense that he has been asking me out for five months and yet I feel like he is keeping me a secret from his family. :roll: . He has been very good to me in many ways. He is always on time, he pays for dinner, he opens doors, etc.

He is not using me financially nor is he using me sexually since we are both people of faith and have the same values as each other about this issue. I am really angry with him right now. I just want to shake him and say "D-----t, what are your intentions?!" He said that he would show me the restaurant where he works. So he can show me the restaurant where he works but, no, he can't introduce me to his family or spend a holiday with me. I'm talking about Labor Day, not Christmas. I am really falling for him and hope and pray that I am not some fool in a one-sided relationship yet again. Should I just give it until fall and see what happens?