The West Coast: A Land of (Social) Opportunity for Aspies?

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I live in St. Louis, and I've been wondering if the reason I'm just not making any progress with women or socially in general is that I'm not a good fit for its fairly conservative culture. The West Coast is known to be more tolerant, and many people on the West Coast actually consider being different valuable. I'm wondering if this includes being different in aspie ways and if this means it would be a better fit for me.

Your degree of social success will vary on the west coast just as much as elsewhere. There are a lot of closed-minded people on the liberal west coast just as there are on the more conservative east coast.
However, it's been my experience that people on the west coast are definitely a lot more talkative, a lot less reserved, and, as judgemental as some of them may be, a lot more open to accepting differences in others. That is, provided "differences in others" doesn't mean acting like a jackass.
Of course it also depends where you are on the west coast, as I assume you'd have much more luck making new friends in a big city like Portland or Seattle than a small town out in the woods.

I've lived my whole life in California. Trust me, there are just as many prejudiced people here as there are anywhere else! Even those with a supposedly good education can be just as judgmental as the uneducated. Maybe it's different in other parts of the Pacific Coast?

go to Chicago instead! Closer too

Californians have always struck me as so much more open-minded than any other people in the world I've met. And I've met people from many, many countries along my life.

I lived in California it was fabulous but expensive. I've lived in several areas in the US, California is the best place by far. The only drawback is lots of others feel that way and it costs a lot to live there, especially where I was.

In general, Californians are fairly open minded on social, cultural and religious issues, but it comes with a high level of superficiality and elitism. It's still a social game with rules, expectations, closed-mindedness and judgmental individuals -- it's just a different game than in the midwest.

The main advantage I see with the West Coast is the large number of people and cultural diversity may make it easier to find a place to fit in and less likely that someone will stand out.

Certain areas of the west coast do attract high achieving aspies (e.g., Silicon Valley).

Portland, is supposed to be nice

Not necessarily. Though Californians and people from other liberal areas are more accepting of differences they understand, people with AS (and other physical/mental impairments) don't often fit into that category, and find themselves falling between the cracks, not quite normal enough to be accepted by the majority, but not quite visibly marginalized enough, or not different in the right way, to be considered a minority. It gets frustrating, being surrounded by "tolerant" people who would never say an unkind word about a gay person, a black person or a woman, and yet still feel justified in cracking jokes about people who look different, excluding people with cognitive disorders and making a certain look or mindset almost a prerequisite for acceptance.

That being said, it still might be better in terms of acceptance OVERALL than more conservative areas would be. Also, as was noted, some areas of the west coast (i.e., the Silicon Valley area) are more geek-friendly if you're of the technological persuasion.

I'm from Portland, have lived in San Francisco and Sacramento, and get up to Seattle once in awhile. Truth is, it's no better or worse here than anywhere else. It may be more diverse/open-minded here, but that just means that the various cliques are that much more fragmented and rigidly defined.

Portland, for instance, has a lot of people who I guess could be described as "new age hipsters," in that they're obsessed with self-improvement and bohemianism to the point of condescension. To fit in with them, the general expectations are that you:

- Live in a rented or owned house in the city, preferrably a trendy area close to downtown. Hawthorne, Clinton, Belmont, or the Pearl District are key areas. Doesn't matter if you bought it or your parents did.
- Ride a bicycle whenever possible, wherever possible. b***h about having to drive anywhere.
- Are interested in organic and/or vegetarian/vegan food, exercise, and physical/mental disciplines like Qigong and Buddhism.
- Read acceptably underground and mature graphic novels. Owning the set of Lone Wolf & Cub, odd bits of Cerberus, etc.
- Watch everything by Hayao Miyazaki or Satoshi Kon.
- Drink expensive microbrews and/or fine wine and regularly attend brewfests.
- Listen to esoteric and obscure indie rock, industrial, goth, punk, etc. music. Local bands with some degree of notoriety count for a lot, especially if you're friends or acquaintances with them. These days, the Prids are worth more points than the Decemberists, who were more popular 5 years ago.
- That you appreciate kitschy crap and outright junk, provided it was cheap. Vintage clothes, vintage and/or worn-out looking furniture, old consumer electronics that you paid next to nothing for, etc.
- That you own an Apple computer, but rarely use it, because you have better things to do.
- Spend time doing crafty things. Gardening, cutting stencils, making t-shirts, making beer, making wine, canning vegetables, tattooing, etc. Drawing, painting, programming, or writing music only count if they're suitably "quirky" enough. Don't take any of it too seriously or invest much money.
- Avoid discussing personal issues of any kind by going out every night of the freaking week for drinks, a concert, dinner with people, etc.
- Constantly talk about how you hate drama, but constantly engage in it.
- Basically, pretend that you're a really worldly, conscientious person, but without trying too hard or spending much money. Be totally flippant about everything while pretending you have a soul because you're so worldly and conscientious.

These people are not to be confused with the more "renaissance hipster" types, who are basically identical, but stick to more fancy-looking vintage crap and throw themed and costumed dinner parties.

The same sort of people can be found in San Francisco and Seattle, except they like computers and take everything seriously in San Francisco while flaunting their various credentials and talents at every turn. If you cannot prove that you are a unique snowflake with interesting skills and quirks, you will be cut from whatever clique you've become involved with, usually by someone making something up about you and telling everyone but you.

Note that you can't be too quirky, because then you're just weird, which doesn't fit with the group dynamic.

I wonder if us Aspies look at social opportunity in the same way people in general look at economic opportunity in places to move to?

Aspies may be deprived in terms of social resources so will seek places where social resources (ability to fit in) may be better. But people migrate economically to countries like the US and UK from countries where they are living - economically - in poverty. They will move here, or to America, and many times will still be among the poorest people there.

Another thing I've noticed is that if you have plenty of money, you can be as quirky as you wish! If you are not well off, good luck!

I have put up with a lot of BS here in California. I can't tell you the number of times I've had to apologize to someone because I did not measure up to their expectations. It happens all the time, from people I know/know me, acquaintances, co-workers, down to complete strangers. If I had the money, I would leave here tomorrow, & leave all the superficial money-hungry, rat-race loving, finger pointers far behind!

There's also the East Coast (Washington DC northward).

In the south, Austin is liberal, and Houston is becoming liberal.