What do women look for in a male body?

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MR_BOGAN
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26 Feb 2009, 2:02 am

Aleph0 wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
I was attracted to my husband for personality alone. I do not find him physically attractive in the least. But I was physically attracted and turned on by him based on the fact that I loved him for his (perceived at the time) personality. I made a conscious decision to love him even though I find him physically unattractive because I did not believe that looks mattered at all. If his personality had held up to my expectations, I probably would not regret my descision.


The very same thing happend to me! :lol:
It ended adout a year ago, I fell in love with a frind of mine (hes's fat and not very attractive...) and we dated and lived together for about a year. But in my case I can definitely say that it as bad sex that killed it...
At the beggining I convinced my self (even befor I started dating him) that he is the guy for me, and if I can't make it with him I can't make it... :cry:
But, the sex was bad... and I mean bad, and gradually he started to get on my nerves, and I started to hate every thing about him...
I didn't marry him though, luckily :wink:


What was attractive about their personalities??



MissConstrue
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26 Feb 2009, 2:14 am

My thoughts exactly....... :?


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MR_BOGAN
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26 Feb 2009, 2:25 am

jawbrodt wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
My husband tells me that I have high expectations 8O
I don't get it.. I don't expect presents or material benefits.. I don't expect him to work full time.. I don't expect him to cook.. I don't even expect him to take a shower more than once a week (which he doesn't)

I expect him to be capable of taking care of important things when needed and I expect him want to have sex with me and I expect him to put my needs before his own when the two clash (I always put his first when I can but sometimes I need things too) I'd also like it if he could pick up the house on his day off (while I work full time) and try to avoid calling me profane names.

Some girls expect less than that?


I think he should stop complaining. It sounds like he has it better than he knows. :chin:


:eew: WTF!! ! :lol:

GET A DIVOICE mitharatowen!! ! QUICK! :lol:

Seriously you're not attracted to him and it doesn't sound like he is attracted to you. :? And it isn't on that he is calling you names.



Orbyss
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26 Feb 2009, 2:26 am

MR_BOGAN wrote:
Aleph0 wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
I was attracted to my husband for personality alone. I do not find him physically attractive in the least. But I was physically attracted and turned on by him based on the fact that I loved him for his (perceived at the time) personality. I made a conscious decision to love him even though I find him physically unattractive because I did not believe that looks mattered at all. If his personality had held up to my expectations, I probably would not regret my descision.


The very same thing happend to me! :lol:
It ended adout a year ago, I fell in love with a frind of mine (hes's fat and not very attractive...) and we dated and lived together for about a year. But in my case I can definitely say that it as bad sex that killed it...
At the beggining I convinced my self (even befor I started dating him) that he is the guy for me, and if I can't make it with him I can't make it... :cry:
But, the sex was bad... and I mean bad, and gradually he started to get on my nerves, and I started to hate every thing about him...
I didn't marry him though, luckily :wink:


What was attractive about their personalities??


Wait, bad sex killed it? My god, what was happening? I would think that if there were something there, a real, loving bond, bad sex would be a mere annoyance to get through. Was he donkey punching you every time?



LePetitPrince
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26 Feb 2009, 2:43 am

MR_BOGAN wrote:
Aleph0 wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
I was attracted to my husband for personality alone. I do not find him physically attractive in the least. But I was physically attracted and turned on by him based on the fact that I loved him for his (perceived at the time) personality. I made a conscious decision to love him even though I find him physically unattractive because I did not believe that looks mattered at all. If his personality had held up to my expectations, I probably would not regret my descision.


The very same thing happend to me! :lol:
It ended adout a year ago, I fell in love with a frind of mine (hes's fat and not very attractive...) and we dated and lived together for about a year. But in my case I can definitely say that it as bad sex that killed it...
At the beggining I convinced my self (even befor I started dating him) that he is the guy for me, and if I can't make it with him I can't make it... :cry:
But, the sex was bad... and I mean bad, and gradually he started to get on my nerves, and I started to hate every thing about him...
I didn't marry him though, luckily :wink:


What was attractive about their personalities??


Some people confuse between admiring someone and being in love someone, one can admires someone based on his/her personality but you really can't fall in love with him/her but you might think that this admiration is love.

That's why I really don't believe when a non-asexual girl (or guys) say that she falls for a person of opposite sex based his personality even if that person is physically unattractive to her. Mainly because this "love" is in fact just admiration , she thinks that she's in love with him , she convinces herself that she's in love with him , but once things get physically serious they realize how wrong it is.

Most cases of "love" based on personality is an illusion thought self-convincing,it's admiration.... not love.

Girl: "I love this guy despite he's fat ugly fugly dirty guy with terrible skin ,but I love him because he's so gentleman and nice"

*guy gets naked*

Girl: "Eeeeeek! :eww:"

There's only one way to know if you really love the person you admire : close your eyes and imagine if you can have sex with this person, if you can do it with joy then you love that person , if you are kinda disgusted then f**k, this is just admiration. And that works for both genders.



LePetitPrince
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26 Feb 2009, 3:15 am

Orbyss wrote:
MR_BOGAN wrote:
Aleph0 wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
I was attracted to my husband for personality alone. I do not find him physically attractive in the least. But I was physically attracted and turned on by him based on the fact that I loved him for his (perceived at the time) personality. I made a conscious decision to love him even though I find him physically unattractive because I did not believe that looks mattered at all. If his personality had held up to my expectations, I probably would not regret my descision.


The very same thing happend to me! :lol:
It ended adout a year ago, I fell in love with a frind of mine (hes's fat and not very attractive...) and we dated and lived together for about a year. But in my case I can definitely say that it as bad sex that killed it...
At the beggining I convinced my self (even befor I started dating him) that he is the guy for me, and if I can't make it with him I can't make it... :cry:
But, the sex was bad... and I mean bad, and gradually he started to get on my nerves, and I started to hate every thing about him...
I didn't marry him though, luckily :wink:


What was attractive about their personalities??


Wait, bad sex killed it? My god, what was happening? I would think that if there were something there, a real, loving bond, bad sex would be a mere annoyance to get through. Was he donkey punching you every time?


Yea, like always, blame it all on the guy :lol:. Let's start calling names such as donkey , jerk, gorilla, animal .....without hearing the 2 sides of the story or at least her full side of her story, but hey , it's always the male who's supposed to be the faulty side in the relationship , girls do no wrong lol.
There was no real loving bond, that's why their sex was bad.



Last edited by LePetitPrince on 26 Feb 2009, 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Orbyss
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26 Feb 2009, 3:30 am

Ah, see, I'd refer to the bond in that case. You can have great sex without the love, but the lack makes the sex seem terrible. But in that case the cause is not the sex, it's the fact there isn't love.

I'm just confused, I guess.



LePetitPrince
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26 Feb 2009, 3:41 am

I edited my previous post



MissConstrue
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26 Feb 2009, 3:54 am

MR_BOGAN wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
My husband tells me that I have high expectations 8O
I don't get it.. I don't expect presents or material benefits.. I don't expect him to work full time.. I don't expect him to cook.. I don't even expect him to take a shower more than once a week (which he doesn't)

I expect him to be capable of taking care of important things when needed and I expect him want to have sex with me and I expect him to put my needs before his own when the two clash (I always put his first when I can but sometimes I need things too) I'd also like it if he could pick up the house on his day off (while I work full time) and try to avoid calling me profane names.

Some girls expect less than that?


I think he should stop complaining. It sounds like he has it better than he knows. :chin:


:eew: WTF!! ! :lol:

GET A DIVOICE mitharatowen!! ! QUICK! :lol:

Seriously you're not attracted to him and it doesn't sound like he is attracted to you. :? And it isn't on that he is calling you names.


LOL, I agree.

If he doesn't find you attractive enough to take a shower more than a day, then it's a bad sign. Although I don't know what he'd find unattractive about you.

I think this is one good reason for being single or not having to live someone.

I've never really understood the concept of couples living together in close parameters or in the same bed unless they felt like it.

I don't know, is it just me who finds this a bit strange........ :? :oops:


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mitharatowen
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26 Feb 2009, 11:11 am

Oh wow there's a lot of stuff to respond to on here lol. Let me get organized and I'll try to answer everyone's questions.

MR_BOGAN wrote:
What was attractive about their personalities??

Well perhaps I've just known a lot of jerks. But my husband was like the only guy that was really nice to me. He just seemed so genuinely nice that I truly believed he would never treat me badly (he does now). We could talk and talk for hours at a time (12 hours is our record) and not get bored of eachother. I admired what I thought at the time was strength of character because he was not a dog always chasing after or staring at pretty women (now that I know him better I think it's just lack of desire). He didn't lie to me, which is very important (later on there were very many 'lies' of omission, though). We had a lot of interests in common and he was very random which I happen to find hilarious.

LePetitPrince wrote:
Some people confuse between admiring someone and being in love someone, one can admires someone based on his/her personality but you really can't fall in love with him/her but you might think that this admiration is love.

That's why I really don't believe when a non-asexual girl (or guys) say that she falls for a person of opposite sex based his personality even if that person is physically unattractive to her. Mainly because this "love" is in fact just admiration , she thinks that she's in love with him , she convinces herself that she's in love with him , but once things get physically serious they realize how wrong it is.

Most cases of "love" based on personality is an illusion thought self-convincing,it's admiration.... not love.
...
There's only one way to know if you really love the person you admire : close your eyes and imagine if you can have sex with this person, if you can do it with joy then you love that person , if you are kinda disgusted then f**k, this is just admiration. And that works for both genders.

I think you have a good and interesting point. I will however disagree with the "guy takes clothes of girl eww" part. I could definately picture myself having sex with him back then. In recent years it became more unpleasant to picture due to the degredation of my love and respect for him. I know, I know I'm an idiot for still being with him even though I feel that way about him. I know. It's just harder than you think. Even so, I do still want to have sex with him.

LePetitPrince wrote:
Orbyss wrote:
Wait, bad sex killed it? My god, what was happening? I would think that if there were something there, a real, loving bond, bad sex would be a mere annoyance to get through. Was he donkey punching you every time?


Yea, like always, blame it all on the guy :lol:. Let's start calling names such as donkey , jerk, gorilla, animal .....without hearing the 2 sides of the story or at least her full side of her story, but hey , it's always the male who's supposed to be the faulty side in the relationship , girls do no wrong lol.
There was no real loving bond, that's why their sex was bad.

First of all, Orbyss was agreeing with what I think is your point, LPP. He/she (Sorry forgot to look) is saying how could the sex possibly be that bad?? And also 'donkey punch' is a particular type of sex move, Orbyss is not calling the man a donkey.

But yes, you are right to a point LPP. The absence of loving bond is a huge issue. The bad sex/lack of sex is just the final straw. The two definately tie in together for sure but.. I don't know. When you're brand-newly married and your husband is refusing sex every single time you ask for it.. there's something else wrong. He has very little desire and he is not passionate nor into the same type of things that I am into. I could live without the kinkiness.. but I need it more than once every three months. 8O

Sorry. :oops: I really didn't intend for this to turn into being about me!! I just say whatever I'm thinking at the time.



Last edited by mitharatowen on 26 Feb 2009, 2:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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26 Feb 2009, 12:36 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Why would you ever want to trick someone into spending the rest of their life with you???


Lack of confidence in your 'real' self to attract anyone? A sense of inferiority possibly caused be frequent rejection? Given all the dating advice that gives you hundreds of pages of things you have to change about yourself, I'd say this is a more common fear than the masses will ever admit. Combine it with a fear of being alone.....


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mitharatowen
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26 Feb 2009, 12:43 pm

That's a good point, ManErg. I can see how someone might fall into that thinking pattern.

I just think its so unfair! 8O
I mean, I wouldn't even want someone who was in love with me because they think I'm someone else! That's got to be even worse for your self-esteem, knowing that your mate doesn't really love you for you. And of course add in the fear that you'll be found out and the disapointment your mate will feel when they do find out and then they'll probably end up leaving you anyway! Dishonesty is always self-defeating imo.



greenlandgem
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26 Feb 2009, 3:12 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

Ok whatever.

But a chemistry can't be initiated withpit any physical attraction , so if a guy doesn't have any physical feature that you find it attractive then no chemistry can take place ,so personality alone can't be enough to determine how attracted you for a man.

As long you have a theoretical physical preferences then you subconsciously would seek for these preferences , again that's not something wrong , it's just human nature.


The thing is, though - all the guys I've ever been attracted to, I've never found attractive when we first met. EVER. You see, in my mind anyway, when a man meets my wee list of theoretical physical criteria, I may find him attractive but I am NOT attracted. It is only (and I can categorically say this) ONLY when I get to know a man better that I start to be attracted to him. To me, there is a world of difference between finding someone attractIVE and being attractED to them. It's just how my mind works. And, funnily enough, none of the men I've ever been attracted to have met my theoretical attractive criteria. Not even close.

There's a lot of skepticism on this board over how much weight both men and women place on appearance. A lot of it has to do with what age you and your peers are, and also where you are meeting them. Are you talking about picking someone up in a club? Then yeah, it probably is largely physical - I mean, how deep a conversation are you going to get into with thumping bass messing with your APD? Or are you talking about people you meet at a book club? Huge difference. Also, having been privy to many giggly teenage conversations, I can confirm that, sadly, most young girls are very appearance-based in their attraction. (I wasn't, and was actually bullied by many close friends for not admitting to having a crush on all the cute boys, who I alone seemed to realise were all little a$$holes-in-the-making.)

Well, this subject has (obviously!) massive potential for debate and a gargantuan range of opinions, but I still maintain that, for myself, looks are just nowhere near as important as being a good, interesting, intelligent person.



mitharatowen
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26 Feb 2009, 3:18 pm

greenlandgem wrote:
The thing is, though - all the guys I've ever been attracted to, I've never found attractive when we first met. EVER. You see, in my mind anyway, when a man meets my wee list of theoretical physical criteria, I may find him attractive but I am NOT attracted. It is only (and I can categorically say this) ONLY when I get to know a man better that I start to be attracted to him. To me, there is a world of difference between finding someone attractIVE and being attractED to them.

I actually totally agree with this. There is a rare occasion that I pass someone in the mall and think to myself 'wow he's hot' but these are very rare occasions. I usually just view people as people until I get to know what they are like. I also have never been physically attracted when first meeting someone that I later dated.



MR_BOGAN
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26 Feb 2009, 3:26 pm

mitharatowen I wonder if your husband may be gay. Is he religious, I think you said you were a Christian.