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ZEGH8578
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25 Feb 2009, 7:47 pm

im not even diagnosed, but ive always been a total weirdo. i made an intro post about it. i fit all the standard symptoms listed everywhere, but ive discovered there are a lot of "minor quirks" that are just as common

one i am curious about is, observations, and remarking these observations as something interesting

very often i will attempt to start a conversation, based on a simple observation i find fascinating, and nobody shares my enthusiasm, for example, i may have read about something, and re-tell portions of it to friends, such as the incredible death tolls of the winter war in finland.
"yes? and?"
"no, nothing, just that! isnt it amazing!" <---the end of that conversation.

it may easily get even more awkward, like, i find the decay of a building fascinating, and to my friends, it means nothing. its invisible to them. somehow, decay = invisible. and i come off as a total weirdo, who seems fascinated by sheer junk and garbage.

i sometimes try to add stuff to my observations, add "meaning", as a desperate try to FORCE some life into my attempt at a conversation, but that just makes it even more awkward.

some people, like my mother, likes to just cut me off immediately, when she senses i am about to make some clever observation :D



Shayne
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25 Feb 2009, 9:32 pm

do you observe others having more success with this sort of attempt to interact?

i constantly find people having conversations start with and continue on about things that i don't see how people can have conversations about. it seems to work and it seems to be rather normal; however, it seems that there could be a little more to making it work than i and possibly you are aware of.


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ZEGH8578
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25 Feb 2009, 9:45 pm

Shayne wrote:
do you observe others having more success with this sort of attempt to interact?

i constantly find people having conversations start with and continue on about things that i don't see how people can have conversations about. it seems to work and it seems to be rather normal; however, it seems that there could be a little more to making it work than i and possibly you are aware of.


yes, the main reason why i DO make these "contributions" is that theyre my feeble attempts at joining the conversation somehow. i cannot, for the life of me, join the ones theyre allready having. my best attempts are usually dumb little confirmations like "yes, thats true" and then its all back to the other ones talking, they may even look strangely at me, as if i wasnt supposed to even pay attention to them :roll:

and, to your 1st question, i dont really see others doing my kinds of attempts. they just jump at some conversation about anything, like you say, stuff i could never discuss such as clothes. shoes keeps my feet dry, pants prevents me from getting arrested.
but maybe thats the trick. learn to keep a ongoing conversation about the pro's and con's about pants?

i never knew about aspergers untill some years ago, but i swear, PEOPLE have ALWAYS annoyed me :D



garyww
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25 Feb 2009, 9:46 pm

Yes your observations are pretty much pointless like everybody elses so join the club.


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elderwanda
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25 Feb 2009, 10:12 pm

I like all kinds of interesting bits of information, and I sometimes have the urge to tell people. I, too, have noticed that people act like I'm a weirdo for saying things, though.

It's not as much of a problem now that my social circle consists of just a handful of people who, themselves, are interested in a variety of things.

What I've never understood is, what DO people talk about, if it isn't interesting things? I don't eavesdrop on people's conversations, and God knows no one ever actually talks to me, so I really don't know. No, actually, I think I do know. They talk bad about other people. And they talk about their most recent trip to Wal-Mart. zzzzzzzzzz....hmm, wha?..... See, those topics are so dull and inane, I just fell asleep for a moment. :lol:


I will say, though, that I would find it odd for someone to just come up to me and mention the huge death tolls from a war, without first prefacing it with something like, "You know, I was reading this article about----, and I was really surprised to learn----." Does that make sense? It's kind of setting the stage for what you are going to say, so it's not like a shock out of the blue.

Not that I'm any expert on starting conversations! But I'm pretty sure it's the "out-of-the-blue-ness" of it that that is weird.



pakled
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25 Feb 2009, 10:13 pm

depends on the age of people around you. If I see children's pictures at work, I just remark on how nice they look, are dressed, etc. Never had a mom disagree with me yet...;)



ZEGH8578
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25 Feb 2009, 10:41 pm

elderwanda wrote:
I like all kinds of interesting bits of information, and I sometimes have the urge to tell people. I, too, have noticed that people act like I'm a weirdo for saying things, though.

It's not as much of a problem now that my social circle consists of just a handful of people who, themselves, are interested in a variety of things.

What I've never understood is, what DO people talk about, if it isn't interesting things? I don't eavesdrop on people's conversations, and God knows no one ever actually talks to me, so I really don't know. No, actually, I think I do know. They talk bad about other people. And they talk about their most recent trip to Wal-Mart. zzzzzzzzzz....hmm, wha?..... See, those topics are so dull and inane, I just fell asleep for a moment. :lol:


I will say, though, that I would find it odd for someone to just come up to me and mention the huge death tolls from a war, without first prefacing it with something like, "You know, I was reading this article about----, and I was really surprised to learn----." Does that make sense? It's kind of setting the stage for what you are going to say, so it's not like a shock out of the blue.

Not that I'm any expert on starting conversations! But I'm pretty sure it's the "out-of-the-blue-ness" of it that that is weird.


i do try to set the stage, but it still doesnt work :D

only ONCE have the tables been turned, some guy at some party was actually hearing out a rant of mine, about lions and zebras ( :roll: ) anyway, afterwards, my mind blanked out nearly everyone i had met, as it often does, and that guy
completely out of the blue - while im on my way somewhere, runs across the street, and stops me IN TRAFFIC to chat with me about lions and zebras. and i dont even have a clue who the guy is :D

that experience was SO weird, it actually comforted me :D "ah... im not THE weirdest one, at least!"

pakled wrote:
depends on the age of people around you. If I see children's pictures at work, I just remark on how nice they look, are dressed, etc. Never had a mom disagree with me yet...;)


i have "learned" to just keep my mouth shut, and nod and "yes, thats true" and as you say "that looks nice" and keep it simple. but if i get eversoslightly nervous, like, if its just me and another person present, there is no hope. i pick a topic RIGHT out of the blue, and elaborate on it, by myself :roll:



bonez
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25 Feb 2009, 10:48 pm

whenever i see a car i usually look at it's license plate. And I remember most license plates I see. So sometimes I'll say to someone I'm with "yesterday I saw a car with basically the same license plate except that it had a z instead of a v....." or "guess what i saw on someones license plate!", and i always think it's something really interesting that people would finding really interesting, but people just look at me and give me a weird look, if I'm lucky..... (ironically, when i was in a hit and run accident, it was the only time i didnt get the l.p number.....)



hayleylovesyou
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25 Feb 2009, 10:55 pm

This is one of my biggest problems.

I have a few friends that I can talk with about random, interesting things we've read. We often share articles we've read on facebook and have discussions about them, and that is the nature of our friendship, and I guess I erroneously think that's how you have conversations/that's how they're supposed to go.

This just doesn't work with the majority of other people! I'm an awesome conversation killer. I always try to join conversations on the topic they're talking about, like you said, even with little "yes, that's interesting" or "I heard that, what did you think ... " and *poof* they're staring at me like I told them I eat babies and wash my hair with poop, and they either totally change the subject or walk-away.

And I try so hard to sound normal! I try really hard to always ask questions about what other people are talking about/interested in, I sometimes even write down what they were saying vs. what I said when the conversation failed, just to figure it out. But I never do.

An example:

A boss and two co-workers were talking about watching 'Flight of the Navigator', and remembering all these little details about it, how it has aged, the graphics, sci-fi stuff, etc. and I think, "oh! I LOVED Flight of the Navigator when I was a kid, I watched it all the time, and its funny they should mention it, I actually watched it just the other day on a whim."

So I said, cheerfully: "oh! I LOVED Flight of the Navigator when I was a kid! I watched it all the time, and its funny they should mention it, I actually watched it just the other day on a whim. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART?"

They all looked at me, looked at each other, and walked away without answering. One girl looked embarrassed and gave me what I thought was an apologetic smile, and that was that.

Happens all the time.

I've been told before that it isn't what I say but how I say it. And even when pressed, people don't seem to be able to tell me exactly what I did wrong, just that it gave them a vague, indescribable feeling of not "being right."

I'm not totally clueless, I can tell when people don't want me there and when they clearly dislike my presence - I just don't know how they expect me to act with this reality because I can't leave, I have to work with them, and our job required constant contact. So I pretend I don't notice (even though I very much do.)

This is what is most upsetting about finding out I'm an Aspie - I'm glad to know why my experiences have been the way they have, that there is a reason I've never "lived up to my full potential" but am suddenly very sad and terrified at realizing that it is always going to be this way. Its not that I haven't "found the right place" or "found the right people", I find it and I find them and I still end up failing, despite trying my hardest and being the best me I can be. That's almost a little too much to bear.