Interacting and Maintaining Rapport with Others? Why Bother?

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Ever since I've been diagnosed six months ago, I think I've improved markedly in terms of (or attempting to) reading the body language, linguistic inflections etc. of other people in my present work environment, which is the military.

Over the past year I've been continuously singled out and bullied for allegedly either deliberate disrespect for my superiors or carrying out my tasks wrongly. While I have indeed been attempting to explain my condition to my commanders lately, they haven't been able to understand, just thought I was ret*d or trying to be funny and gain sympathy. But it isn't surprising to me. The military here isn't well-known for attracting or retaining talented and intelligent people.

All along, however, I've been continuously rejected by people and have quite desensitized to getting blown off. But recently, I've been trying in earnest to make myself better with people, attempting to learn of empathy and trying to do things with others, in the social context even though I clearly do not enjoy those activities, but I still end up with the same result.

While I understand that in this day and age, this working world places a high emphasis on teamwork as a catalyst to success, it's outright difficult for me. I think I'm able to sort things out logically at work and try to sort things out as effectively as possible while working as a team, but when it comes down to the day-to-day social back and forths of everyday life, it's a continuous and never-ending struggle for me. No matter how much I try, it's difficult to get people to like me. While I don't think anyone near me distinctly dislikes me and try to actively antagonize me, it's just depressingly disappointing that be it with effort put in or not, I still get the same result. So, why do I bother?

Work and social life with my fellow males aside, I haven't felt any real love for a woman/girl in about 7 years. The female friends that I have tend to bore me to death. The ones I'm interested in are either 2-3 continents away, or think it laughable to be associated with chaps like me.

So, it brings me to question my present interest in majoring in journalism, which requires me to interact and talk with many people. While I have a voracious interest in current affairs, history, philosophy, politics and the like, and writing about it, the future job prospects scare me. I will really have to search people out for interviews etc., and, blah.

I don't know. I like to be alone. In fact, I prefer being alone than to be in a room with someone else. But I know that I have to be with other people if I want to advance in this society.

Death, in comparison, is lonely, isn't it? It seems more appealing. This isn't some random, emo, angsty thought, but something that I've been contemplating for a good, long while. I understand that a lot of us tend to shun from thinking of it, but as an emotionally-impaired individual who is still, unfortunately human, I am still a social animal, and am being tortured for it.

bullying can be common in the military sadly.
maybe the military is not the right employment for you.

and it is true that interacting with others is a useful thing to do career wise.

so the only thing one can do is keep trying even though it does seem pointless.

I don't have a choice. Every male citizen here has to do his two years. My main regret is that subsequently after my diagnosis, the military doctors offered to downgrade my physical fitness status where I can do clerical work. At that point, I still had understanding and accommodating commanders, and thought that since I've already survived for 18 months, I could just carry on for the next 6. So, I rejected the offer.

My mistake. I never expected my new incoming commanders to be this way.

hindsight is a wonderful thing.

thats rotten luck.

well i hope you survive to the end of your compulsory time. as soon as the time is up, get out of there.

At least you can say that you served to the end of your time just like everyone else, right? If that's any consolation.

As for the thing about teamwork... it's important, but not every single job out there requires teamwork. True, journalism does require interacting with people, but you don't have to become best friends with the people you interview, right? It sounds like you're doing well with learning social skills, and interviewing is a learnable skill as well. I'm sure that you'd be able to get the hang of it after a few times.

So I'd say hang in there as best you can. Once you're done with the military service, things may get better; like you said, it's not the best environment for finding kind and sensitive individuals. Then once you've made loads of money as a journalist you can travel and find your soulmate :3

At this point I have about 2.5 months remaining, so there's really no point for me to request again. The only choice that I have is to just tough it out, really.