Action, Why do i depend on it?

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Ok, everyday i look off my deck at the view ( trees, grass, dirt, nature pretty much ) and i keep telling my self that one day things are going to change, why is that? Why do i still do this every day when, things are changing ( or atleast i think). I always thought that while this life has it's downs it also has it's ups, however it seems im just missing them, with all of my diagnosis's im am left very few choice right now, so i pretty much stay at home for my schooling, i do try to go out as much as i can, and i have tried i dont even know how many different pills treatments and exersices, but nothing is making me happy. I am a very "black and white" person, there is no "gray" areas for me, which is why im trying to see from different prespectives, hoping one day i'll finally see the world as my parents do and as the general public does, but that is starting to look like "a myth of the past". Now im not 100% correct, but im sure there are others whom have felt like this, are feeling like this, and may one day feel like this, but with such a "common" thing in life i am starting to feel it is more "rare", as i haven't seen anybody else like me. Now to be honest, if some horrible thing happened and "WrongPlanet" suddenly couldn't support its self or it was to be shut down, i'd probably go insane and be put into an institute ( which to be honest, scares the S**t out of me ). Granted thats why there is a wrongplanet website so poeple who just need a little encouragement can get it, but "in the most positive way possible", i would like to see the day when i dont need "wrongplanet". Now i know this is just me ranting on and on, but it just seems as i look at the world more and more, i just start to feel worse and worse, and all my hope is starting to crumble, the picture i see is not beautiful. Where is it, or better yet, why can't i seem to see it?

Now while my dad dosent have AS, however he has had the misspleasure of having PTSD ( United States Marine Corps, and i think him for all he sacrifies's ), so he understands what depression and anxiety is like, in which case he has told me much amoung the lines of " it dose get better ". Now i might be off but in my morals, when you fall on your a**, you should just get up again and learn from it. My mother is very loving and takes all of my suffering to be her fault (""WHICH IS NOT TRUE""), however that is how she feels so i wont fight with her on that as that is how she is. It's nearly been 3 years of this rut in my life, and we have had success's, but they have all been really small, they do mean something, but like i said they have been small. This is my first time in therapy so im not like the master at it, but shouldn't some signifigant progress have been made by about the 3 year mark!

If any of this sounds like your past please tell me what really made things change for you, it would be greatly aprreciated?

listen to your father, he's been there done that he can relate and what he's saying is that time will heal you but don't go nuts stay focused and calm.

WHEN YOU'RE I A HOLE,STOP DIGGING!

change will come both internally and externally.

>nothing is making me happy

I can relate to th is situation of life dragging on.

I think we have to think and feel deeply, use our wisest mind, be open to new things, celebrate what positives we do experience, and let go of crap that isn't doing us any good. Plugging forward like this has increased the positives in my life, though I am still unsatisfied. I'm always on the lookout for other ways to keep trying. If stuff doesn't pay off, try something different. Example exercise. Personally, I doin't like most types of exercise other people enjoy. However, I like canoeing and weightlifting, so those seem worth doing. We have to find what's right for ourselves, and it's not easy because we are not the average model the world is designed for.

What you two have said is true, i know, i knew it even while wrighting this post, i guess i just wonder off into no where

However i am back and i thank you both very much

Hey, that's good you know the basics. If you come up with anything new, let me know.