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Halesaur
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26 Apr 2009, 9:04 pm

I have high functioning autism.
My ex and I went out for like, three months and we both kind of decided to break up with each other (he had the official word on MSN. I was going to do it the next day in person) because he didn't call or even check on me when I was sick, and he had been acting strange. During exam week he kept trying to garner another girl's attention without paying attention to me. When I got back from Mexico after five days I called him straight away to let him know I was back and that I had something for him. I never got to give him the present I brought back as we didn't see each other outside of school since the day before I left for Mexico. I do believe he honestly does not have any respect for me after his decision to call it off on MSN no less,

So we broke up, right? The thing is after we did break up, he started hanging out in the same area my friends hang out and started befriending some of my friends from last year and this year. One of these friends whose friends with both of us even told me we are "perfect for each other", unaware of the fact we dated and don't talk to one another. We no longer spoke to each other after the breakup. Not even a hello. He's also in my art class which makes things even more awkward.

Keep in mind I do NOT love him, unless my mind is a big liar.

Since my friends are friends with him, I IM'd him about five months after the fact we weren't dating. It went really badly, to tell the truth - it was awkward and I changed the subject to music. We haven't spoken ever since, and he claims we don't speak because I am awkward. I told him right before we started dating I am very shy and I do have HFA. I don't think he ever understood it or was supportive. Anyhow, it went badly, and we still don't speak. His parents love me.

I kind of want some sort of friendship with him as well, but I'm not sure how to do it without seeming like I want to get back together or I want a prom date. It's really awkward for me to have friends who give my ex more attention than me when they weren't friends with him before. I am the reason he has all the friends he has today.

Any thoughts or advice about my odd situation?



techstepgenr8tion
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26 Apr 2009, 9:45 pm

Wow, that's vexing. From what your saying though, particularly with him hanging out with your friends, it would be one thing if they were mutual friends you met through but its entirely different altogether if he's just hanging with them and hanging around the places that he knows your at. Sounds like he wants your attention but doesn't know what to do with it. My best guess - he probably has some reserved feelings but has no idea what to do with them and either doesn't know or doesn't care that he's doing something that's completely inappropriate.

I don't know if I want to rush to advice, my own thought would be that you need to break all contact because - he's being a creep and it sounds like he needs to get it in perspective. Then again, I don't know him, I don't know the full situation, that's just what it sounds like from the information you've been able to give.



Halesaur
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26 Apr 2009, 9:59 pm

Thank you so much for what you do have to say.

One other piece of information I think might be interesting to bring up is after me, he got rejected by one girl, and dated another for a week and she dumped him, so I do think something is majorly wrong.

I kind of don't have contact with him really, I sit away from him in art, and it's rare I will even say something as simple as a hello being he will never return the favor. I said something to him the other week, he mumbled and looked away which made me think he does actually still like/love me to some extent.



sunshower
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27 Apr 2009, 12:11 am

Hmm breaking contact isn't really an option for you because he is friends with your friends. I think the best thing you can do, is just be completely honest with him - state clearly that you aren't interested in dating again or anything, but you would like to be friends as you are friends with the same people and it would be good if you all got along.

Then go separately to each of your friends (one on one, in private) who has been saying stuff about you being perfect for each other, explain the situation to them - say that you had dated and then broken up, and didn't like him in that way, and the insinuations about you and him as a couple are making you feel uncomfortable. If your friends are real friends, then they should be understanding and back off, and try to make things less awkward between you by perhaps making sure you don't have to sit next to each other, and definitely not suggesting you should get together.

I am also high functioning AS (not exactly the same, but similar really) and I actually went through a very similar situation at school (although we didn't date). I found that my friends mostly did the teasing in ignorance of the actual situation, and explaining things to them one on one really helped as they stopped making cracks about me and the guy in question. I found sitting down and discussing things rationally and honestly with said guy, and offering friendship with definitely nothing more, did help.

It didn't completely fix the problem in my case, but I think the guy was AS, and he really didn't understand that even though we could be friends, I needed space, etc (but that's a different story). Hopefully your guy will understand better, if he's NT, it should be easier to communicate these things to him.


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ikorack
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27 Apr 2009, 1:14 am

How long ago did these girls reject him?



Halesaur
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27 Apr 2009, 5:26 am

I'm not even sure if he is NT to tell you guys the truth. I really do think your ideas sound good, Sunshower! ^_^" Thanks a bunch :)

@ Iko - he got rejected the first time after me about two months later, the other time more recent about a month ago.