What do I do??? Very depressed!! !

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Down, down I go, into possible death. My mom is sick, scared of the Swine flu. I don't even know who or where I am half the time. I'm having "visions" of something terrifying....a large plane...possibly an airliner is about to crash, many deaths. As everything else in the world, it would be MY FAULT. Pray, people!! !!(that it doesn't happen). The gov is constantly after me for influencing events, both economic and deaths. I see them all the time, then they cloak, sometimes when I'm in the car...I see other cars that suddenly disappear. Scary times! The drunk feeling without the alcohol, is so bad that I can't even walk in a straight line....feel all floaty like and dizzy. People from around the world are against me, I have seen constant proof of this. Many want me dead. I am a burden to the world and of course, my family. Darkness all around, with no light. Success.....not within my reach and neither is happiness. I know I am sane, unlike what my Evil pdoc said (a long time ago) I no longer see him, but I do see a therapist/psychologist. I will NOT be put away in some state mental institution...never, never, NEVER!! Then the docs were RIGHT 20 years ago, and I have no story to tell. Nothing impressive at all. I see the pain. I am so down like the stock market, well its been going up in the last few months, I'm talking about what it has been doing in the past. If the plane does crash, the FBI will see this message. They have already accused me of "sabotage" with my mind of this crash, even though its yet to take place. I feel so guilty, I mean overwhelming guilt. Oh why was I even born??? I can't even do the "simple" task of driving, which millions of people do everyday, including my YOUNGER brother. I do nothing but fail, I know you all are tired of hearing me. Can't breathe!! Panic time!! ! I bet there are hate clubs against me, especially on that other site I go to. I mean the moderators literally ganged up on me and deeply hurt me, while supporting the other 47,000 people there. Frustration. I see things weird, but explained that in another post. I love hot flashes...not!! Stupid Old Age Syndrome!! !! What is a "business" again, I know mine ain't good enough to be called that, just a "hobby." Whoop dee do. Money....that word doesn't compute. FAIL ONCE AGAIN!! ! My pet bird has made more money in his life than me...I'm serious. He's also cute, while I am fat and ugly from the pills I used to take. I mean there is a good chance that I have sleep apnea because of what the pills did to me! I'm surprised that I don't have diabetes! No guy would EVER want me, they will be turned off by my weight. I used to be beautiful. Evreything is placed to go for the worst for me. I was deliberately put on this Earth by God to suffer. Its not just the gov that's after me, the aliens are as well to fight in an intergalactic war...its the bad guys who want me. Oh what was I going to say next???? Good memory at work! I'm totally hopeless and worthless, nothing has gone according to plan. I am an artist, and according to my research, 99% of artists starve and have to have another job to support them. I have no skills. Useless. Why does everything look weird????? Thankfully I hardly ever hear voices, therefore proving I'm not psychotic. Just plain neurotic is what I am! I have anger towards myself. I have classic autism, not Asperger's. I was diagnosed at 5 years young 21 years ago, when it was so called "rare" especially in girls (or now a woman) like myself. I had the symptoms ever since I was born. So, what do I do about the severe depression??? I'm almost suicidal, but not quite.

If you were a guy I'd suggest Buproprion (it has priopism as a side effect) But seriously, though, I suggest you learn to live with depression by taking several different courses of action.

1. posting and venting your feelings
2. getting anti-dep meds
3. getting pet therapy
4. walking outside for an hour every day
5. getting a good sleep
6. doing guided mediation in a group (meetup.com or just google it) - it works when you are with people doing same thing!
7. keeping your apartment clean
8. repainting your walls
9. keeping yourself busy in a crappy job that requires lots of hand labor
10. of course psychotherapy might help
11. support group on craigslist, meetup, or just contact hospitals and organizations and they will help you join one
12. if you can get a NICE cat (not flakey one), that will let you hold it
13. working/volunteering/playing with young children (horizon's for children, big brother/big sister)
14. changing your scenery often - rearranging furniture, going to new places, meet ups, etc.
15. add more light in your room, especially near the computer, make it really bright
16. move to Florida
17. post in this thread for a jolt of happiness http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt97986.html

You're having hot flashes at 26? Does your Dr. know? Or are you saying you hate your mom's hot flashes cuz they make her cranky towards you?

yes, I'm having hot flashes at 26. I've had them for a long time. Also memory loss. Old Age Syndrome should be added in the DSM V. I'm so old, I even tell stories to people and say, "I remember when I was your age....."