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A couple days ago i was feeling pretty strung out so I managed to get hold of some codeine. They should have lasted me a couple days but i took them all at once. I could feel the effects shortly after i took them. I started to think i might die. I could barely left my head. I was kinda hoping i would die but to my dismay i awoke later that night. I stayed up rest the night and mutilated myself

The thing is Today is payday and i plan to get more.

I want help but I don't want to ask for it.

I know it doesn't make much sense.

Don't! At the moment, you're probably ony psychologically addicted (if even), but if you continue, you'll start to physically depend on the stuff. Opioids are seriously addictive.

If you want help with depression, don't be afraid to ask for it. It'll be a lot easier to treat now.

Dude! Codeine won't kill you, it'll coma you and then you'll be laying there partially aware for the next 20 years. Ugh! Or you'll mess up your digestive system and be enjoying Gerber forever.

I know it's tough to reach out for help, bro. And you've taken a good step posting here. If you aren't comfy with face-to-face or phone, go here: http://www.codeinefree.me.uk/ That's a good codeine support website. It's been around since 2006 and is in the UK, but if you just change all your 'z's to 's's you'll be fine .

Watch for these OD symptoms too. Most of these are not fun:
Constipation
Coma
Seizures
Spasms of stomach or intestines
Bluish-colored fingernails and lips
Breathing - shallow
Breathing - slow and labored
Cold, clammy skin
Dizziness
Drowsiness
Low blood pressure
Muscle spasticity
Muscle twitches
Pinpoint pupils
Skin itching
Weak pulse