| Author |
Message |
Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Please help me understand what just happened |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 10 Mar 2023, 2:11 am
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Replies: 1
Views: 423
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| TLDR: I texted him a meme and he (ASD) asked me (NT) if I wanted to be friends (with privacy), and I basically said, I don't know but that he's getting the privacy that he wants right now. I also said I just want to break the cycle of us getting close then he withdraws, and me getting shut out, I ju... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Resolving conflicts when there are issues with communication |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 01 Mar 2023, 1:43 am
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Replies: 4
Views: 1,298
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| Almost a year ago now, I posted about my (NT) ex (ASD) wanting to stay friends. Because I have no self-control, I texted him Happy Birthday a couple of weeks later and we've been in contact since then. A lot has happened in the last 11 months. He had surgery and couldn't go out for a while, he got ... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Is it me? |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 28 Feb 2023, 3:03 pm
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Replies: 8
Views: 438
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| Hi OP, I can't really tell you if it's a you or her thing, but wanted to tell you that you are not alone. My ex (ASD, undiagnosed, also in his 40s) and I broke up almost a year ago now and he does these things similar to your GF's pre and post breakup. Just a few days ago I casually asked him what h... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Resolving conflicts when there are issues with communication |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 28 Feb 2023, 1:59 pm
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Replies: 4
Views: 1,298
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| Almost a year ago now, I posted about my (NT) ex (ASD) wanting to stay friends. Because I have no self-control, I texted him Happy Birthday a couple of weeks later and we've been in contact since then. A lot has happened in the last 11 months. He had surgery and couldn't go out for a while, he got l... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Should I be friends again with my (ASD) ex |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 21 Mar 2022, 8:46 pm
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Replies: 2
Views: 821
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| It sounds to me like he might of gotten overwhelmed being in a serious relationship & he is very insecure about his issues. Maybe he's had relationships before you with women who've gotten very upset with him expecting & demanding that he'd be different. From what I've seen on this forum, i... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: Should I be friends again with my (ASD) ex |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 21 Mar 2022, 5:03 pm
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Replies: 2
Views: 821
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| My ex and I broke up a few days ago. We dated for a year and a few months. A bit of a background: he is not diagnosed, and doesn't understand why he is "different". Sorry this is long but tldr: Ex broke up with me but wants to stay friends. Maybe we'll date again, maybe we won't. Maybe we'... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 29 Oct 2021, 12:30 am
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| From my experience, getting stuff done and checking off items on a todo list is a coping strategy for many people on the spectrum, especially with signs of OCD. Many just can't stop thinking about unfinished tasks and unresolved issues and fall asleep. todo lists provide clarity and focus, compensa... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 29 Oct 2021, 12:12 am
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| It's a bit like when my husband had his eating disorder problems. He tried to make me responsible for what he ate. My therapist told me to resist it - he's a grownup man, he has to take responsibility for his own unhealthy behaviors - and, as hard as it was, it had healing effect to both of... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 10:14 pm
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| Thanks, what you described in your first paragraph makes sense. What has worked so far is when I mention it to him in a light-hearted conversation after the stressful situation, then we talk about it casually or even playfully, so he doesn't feel attacked. It is very challenging right now because h... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 6:40 pm
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| Fnord, I'm trying to find a tactful way to say that your words are actually gaslighting the OP, whether that's your intent or not. You're suggesting it could be her fault and she might (lowkey) deserve it. Yes both parties can make mistakes. Sometimes a gaslighting victim does make mistakes. Everyo... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 2:13 pm
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| This is a tough situation to be. I would suggest being present, but setting boundaries and giving him some space when he is at his lowest points. If your goal is to maintain a healthy relationship, attempts to interfere in these moments should be very careful. Being supportive when he is being rude... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 2:04 pm
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| It's a bit like when my husband had his eating disorder problems. He tried to make me responsible for what he ate. My therapist told me to resist it - he's a grownup man, he has to take responsibility for his own unhealthy behaviors - and, as hard as it was, it had healing effect to both of... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 2:00 pm
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| You seem to dig the guy----cool. But still, it's better if he didn't insult you the way he insults you. I'm sort of a wallflower Milquetoast myself----but I wouldn't allow someone to say the things that this guy has said to you. Definitely, this is not sustainable, but he is aware that he has the t... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 12:44 pm
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| Thanks everyone for your responses. I appreciate it. To answer some questions, we've been dating for a year. I am not financially dependent on him. We don't co-habitate, and neither does he pay for my necessities. What he does cover however (or at least 80% of it), are trips and activity expenses. I... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: How to respond when ASD partner is grumpy and stressed out |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 27 Oct 2021, 1:21 am
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Replies: 36
Views: 1,958
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| TLDR: How would you like your NT partner to respond to you/behave around you when you're stressed out and you're being grumpy So my guy (ASD) is under a lot of stress which started at least 3 weeks ago. He's been very busy with work and going on interviews at the same time. He says he feels he has 2... |
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Forum: Love and Dating Topic: NT ND challenges from NT perspective |
| NT_AFAIK |
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Posted: 31 Jul 2021, 1:29 am
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Replies: 14
Views: 1,086
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| #3 Yes I can relate. Small talk is a major work in progress. As with everything my daughter knows people have small talk but she tries to interpret it in terms of functionality and purpose rather than interpreting it as a way of breaking ice or just chilling. But if its one of her special interests... |
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