Science jokes

Post Reply New Topic

Q. How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A. Avocado's number

Q. What do chemists calla benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A. A ferrous wheel

Post your science jokes here!

Oh, those were good. I wish I had some to contribute.

I know you pronounce ghoti as fish, but how do you pronounce hafgan?

Ok here goes:

sin(x) and e^(x) were at a bar. e^(x) was on his own, but sin(x) was busy chatting to his friends.

Sin(x) asked e^(x): "Why don't you integrate with the others?"

Then e^(x) replied: "I keep trying to integrate but I end up all by myself."

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street.

"By the way, I lost my electron yesterday," one atom says to the other.

"Really? Are you sure?" the second asks.

The first responds, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

My Astronomy professor told this one in class last week:

Saturn is less dense than water. So, if you had a large enough bathtub, Saturn would float in it. The only problem is when you drain the tub, you've got a ring.

m91 Very good

ok my bad joke about a bus conductor:

There is a bus conductor in an American city I'm not certain which one but her was terrible, he would signal the driver to start the bus as little old ladies were trying to get on board. He would throw people off while the bus was moving just for not having the right change and he especially hated kids and old ladies.

Well one day he trough an old lady off his bus and she fell under a truck and died
He was arrested and charged with murder, there were many witnesses who would testify he deliberately caused the death of the old lady and he was found guilty. The judge was outraged having heard the how bad this conductor was and how many time other passangers had complained of being injured felt there was no alternative but to pass sentence of death.

I this particular state execution was by the electric chair and eventually the day of execution arrived, He was given his final meal and was asked if he had any last requests.

He asked can I have an apple on my right hand, an orange on my left hand and a banana on my head. The prison governor sees nothing wrong with this and allows the fruit to be placed and the switch is thrown...

nothing happens.

The circuits are checked and the switch is thrown again...

again nothing happens.

Another check ensues and the switch is thrown for the third and final time...

And again nothing happens. After 3 attempts it is deemed gods will that this person should not die and he is released.

Later he is interviewed by the local radio station and is asked "Why did the electric chair not kill you, was it something to do with the apple on your right hand, an orange on your left hand and a banana on your head"?

He replies "No, it is perfectly simple really. Everybody knows I'm a bad conductor".

I don't know. If anyone does know, please let me know!
Hafgan was a king of the underworld in Welsh mythology.
So there's nothing clever about the combination I'm afraid.

Of course, we also need "ghoughpteighbteau", which is pronounced as "potato".

OK, Lau, where is gh pronounced as P?

hiccough though ptomaine neigh debt bureau

Huh, when it's spelled that way, I always read it as hih-koff, because in America we spell it hiccup.

What is the difference between a physicist and a computer scientist?
A physicist thinks a kilobyte is 1000 bytes - a computer scientist knows that a kilometer is 1024 meters.

Ah... we spell it hiccup here, too. The "hiccough" is just an insane English variant spelling, and is pronounced the same as "hiccup", as are "hicke up", "hikup", "hickop", "hickhop", "hecup", "hiccop", "hickup" and "hick-up" (according to OED).



A physicist would be correct. A kilobyte is (can be) indeed 1,000 bytes. Since 2000, the official term for 1,024 bytes is a kibibyte. It hasn't exactly caught on.

I know, I know... I wanted to write a disclaimer but decided against it since I'd have to find the WP-link on the slow school-computers...


Mr and Mrs Electron are driving in their car, suddenly Mr Electron exclaims: "I have no clue where we are here!"
Mrs Electron replies: "I told you the new speedometer is too exact!"

A friend claimed that he heard this at an actual class:
- Mitä tarkoittaa ekvivalentti?
- Yhdentekevää.

It's an unusual pun - it works also in English:
- What does equivalent mean?
- Indifferent.