Things I Learned At The Movies
Most dogs are immortal.
You can always park directly outside any building you visit.
During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Anyone can land a plane, provided someone in the control tower talks you through it.
Dinosaurs only eat ugly and/or immoral people.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one ever thinks of looking for anyone in there. And you can travel without difficulty to any part of any building.
There is always a back way out through the kitchen.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition--even if you weren’t carrying any.
You’ll probably survive any battle in any war as long as you don’t show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from every window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Whenever a large pane of glass is visible, someone will soon be thrown through it.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill--just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare, plus tip.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of average people--whether they are employed or not.
When staying in a haunted house, women always investigate strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Crashing cars always burst into flames.
Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets.
The Chief of Police always suspends his star detective, unless he gives him 48 hours to solve the case.
If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just run a bath--even in the middle of the day--then look in your bathroom mirror. He will suddenly appear behind you.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century we can fire weapons at objects out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
All bombs come complete with electronic timers with large red LED readouts to announce exactly when they’re will explode.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
One man shooting at twenty men has a better chance of killing them than twenty men shooting at one man.
If a phone line is broken, the best way to restore communication is to frantically beat the cradle while yelling, "Hello? Hello?"
A gang of highly-trained terrorists will always separate and search for an intruder on its own so its easy to kill them one at a time.
If you need to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Any laptop computer is powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
Villains intent on world domination can’t resist detailing their evil plan to their arch-nemesis.
Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations--even though the job will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own certain death as their helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
If the person you are chasing has just taken the elevator down from the 20th floor, you can get to the street first by taking the stairs.
The person you trust most at work is the person trying to kill you.
Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings--especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange accident.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts--your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
Don’t worry about having the right version of software. All computers can open all files.
Dogs always know bad people and will bark incessantly at them.
If you think there is an intruder in your house, your cat will choose that precise moment to leap at you.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion ever goes into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
Deranged killers only escape from prison when a thunderstorm has knocked out all the power and telephone lines.
A credit card or a paper clip can pick any lock in seconds--unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
In school, the end-of-class bell always interrupts teachers in mid-sentence.
An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur does no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
Radiation causes interesting mutations--not to your future children but to you, there and then.
Rather than wasting bullets, villains prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks which will allow their captives at least twenty minutes to escape.
Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down days before they retire.
Television news bulletins always feature a story that affects you personally at the precise moment you turn on the TV.
_________________
i am that which i am...
18 May 2007, 8:00 am
there was a Star Trek VI ??
I loved them all!
