New, trying to sort it out

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Hi, I'm new here and I'm hoping some of you can help me figure things out a bit. I apologize ahead of time if I use the wrong terms or say wrong things out of my lack of knowledge.

I haven't been diagnosed and I don't know if I would qualify for a diagnosis of AS, but I think that I have some AS characteristics. I'd like to understand myself a bit better and see if there are some things I can do to get along better.

I'm 44 years old, and I first thought I might have some AS traits about 10 years ago, but I don't know where to turn for professional help. Most therapists don't seem to have much knowledge of AS, and one psychiatrist I went to who actually specialized in it just shut me down right away because he said people with AS have a distinctive way of talking that I don't have. But I don't think everyone who has AS talks in a particular way?

I took the AQ test and scored a 35, and the RDOS test said:
Your Aspie score: 103 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 91 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

I guess my main issue is that I find other people so hard to understand. I tend to be very honest and guileless, which makes me both sweet, to a certain extent, but also blunt in ways that people find hard to accept. And I tend to be clueless at figuring out what others will take offense at. I'm usually very quiet but then when I break out of my shell I end up alienating people. I was recently bullied by a group of online friends and made to seem like a horrible person, and I'm still not exactly sure how it happened. I was very hurt by it. I think being guileless is a good thing, but it also leaves you very vulnerable. I guess that's the main thing I would like to understand better.

There's nothing I find more stressful than having a conversation. Trying to figure out how to make the right facial expressions, when to talk and what to say that won't sound weird, plus having to formulate what I'm going to say while at the same time trying to pay attention to what the other person is saying is exhausting.

I also have a bad temper. There are some things I find galling and I react to them badly, like if someone says something nasty for no real reason. I fly off the handle pretty suddenly. So that makes me afraid to interact with people too.

There are other things that I do that I wonder if they could be related to AS. For instance I can't learn dance steps, I was unable to learn to play guitar (tho some Aspies are very musically talented, from what I've read), I find driving difficult because it's hard for me to pay attention to more that one thing. If I have to make a left turn, I can't keep track of the traffic coming from three directions, so I just don't make left turns, unless there's a left turn arrow.

I don't have any habits like hand-flapping or the need to stick to strict routines. I have an obsession about a particular band (which may be unusual at my age. ). I have a fairly high IQ.

Thanks for any insights.

Welcome to WP!

Hi there

Have you looked at the NAS site? http://www.nas.org.uk/ there is quite a lot of information there and they have a helpline or email contact too. I found them very helpful in the past.

Welcome

Kaleido

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi. I'm 55 and also don't have the monotone speech a nephew of mine does. I have spent years trying to learn Tai Chi because it feels so good, but when I leave the classroom I can't remember the order of steps. Now that I've retired from raising children my temper is much better.

Hello bee33

It sounds to me like the problems you have in dealing with other people are similar to what most of the people here have to deal with. I couldn't find anything at all "wrong," or inappropriate in your post. Please feel free to say exactly what's on your mind.

There's a lot of difference of opinion here about the value of getting an official diagnosis. I can give you my opinion, but keep in mind that many here disagree. Every mental health professional I've dealt with proved to me that they deserved absolutely no respect.

You're right; there's a huge amount of variation among individual aspies, but the fundamental characteristics seem to me to be the difficulties in interacting successfully with other people and obsessive interests that go way beyond what normal people would call hobbies.

You might want to look back over your life and recall whether you've always tended to have obsessive interests. This should be pretty obvious.

So welcome.

Welcome bee33!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Thank you all for your welcomes.

Ross, I think I know what you mean. The person who instigated the bullying found me unacceptable and kept baiting me in an underhanded way until I was upset enough to take her bait. And then I was the villain.

CanyonWind, I don't think I have had a lot of obsessions, tbh, tho the current one is fairly pronounced. I think I've mostly avoided trouble by keeping things to myself, not having a lot of outward, visible interests or occasions to run afoul with people.

Welcome to the forum bee33!!

Nice to meet you, bee33.

Welcome to the forum, bee33!

I was thaught to ignore said subtle bullying.

I don't mean to cause you to stop driving a car, but how do you keep tract of all three directions when turning right, and not keep track when turning left. You can't go through an intersection without making reasonably sure anyone is not going to crash into you while turning right/left or going straight. Many use sequential confirmation, i.e. they look in one direction, then another and then the third. Repeating this rapidly two times is secure enough for driving at normal speed. Just don't go up on a freeway without some practice first. If you are having trouble, you can always practise turning right but looking in all three directions (assuming you don't already do that).

Any opinion is accepted here, even mine.