ENFP with AS, or am I just weird? (Wall of text incoming)

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Hi, I'm a Scandinavian girl in her mid-20s. I've always felt that I'm different, that all the other girls had some secret "how to act"-book that I had missed, since I never fitted in amongst them. Still, I've always been social, loved talking to and with everyone, and gained energy from being with people. Descriptions for ENFP personalities fit me extremely well, as I almost solely care about how much I'm liked by others, to the extent that I'm flirting with everyone and love talking about personal problems etc. So, I've never considered that I could have AS, as I'm pretty far away personality-wise from the stereotypical apsie.

After reading more about AS, I'm starting to wonder how ENFPs with AS will turn out, if they are kind of lucky with their surroundings, and don't get too much negative feedback. If I could be one of those, or if I'm just suffering from a bad mix of personality traits, strange interests and mental conditions. So I ask the more social aspies, or those who know some, does the following description fit to an extrovert with AS?

Is me being able to flirt, care about how others feel (I specifically ask them, since I'm not that good in sensing stuff like that) and the fact that I love to talk about personalities and problems (for hours and hours), that I usually get jokes, and that I have a lot of friends, is that a sign that I do not have AS, even though I feel that it's all a struggle, have several nerdy interests that may occupy me for months at a time and that I can talk about for hours, and that I've always preferred talking under 4 eyes, since people are much easier to analyze so that I can adapt to them? I've never thought about the eye contact issue before, but I noticed today that I usually avoid it, no one have mentioned that to me... I also have no respect for personal space, and when I was a kid, I was always fiddling with the zippers of the ones I were talking to. I also just had a few really close friends, even though I'm so social, since I have problems determing if people like me or not. All of them except one were really geeky boys, who loved all my strangeness and to discuss my interests from human mentallity to gaming. I'm always afraid that people will dislike me, to the point of being an obsession.

I'm now a phd student in material science and nanotechnology. I've became a bit more reserved during my time at uni, but I also got a lot of friends who all have similar weird interests or problems we can talk about, and who seemingly actually like the way I blurt out things nobody else would have said aloud, because they're either too direct or too gross. But somehow, I have a way of putting things and explain things, so very few people have ever been angry with me. Helps being an innocent cute girls I guess. I have had the same boyfriend the last 5 years, he is also geeky, and accept who I am, but he thinks I act like a 3 year old sometimes. I have some emotional problems, I don't know when they started, but I have problems tackling even small amounts of pressure, either academically or socially. I need to know what's expected of me at all times, either by just talking to one person at a time (I'm not afraid of crowds though, then I'm just looking around me at all times to get some sort of overview) or by having someone telling me exactly what should be done (I loved tests at school, so easy to predict what the teacher wanted). If I get told at work, that I should do whatever I feel is best, I'm often at a loss. If I'm getting direct negative feedback, I get kind of a mental breakdown, banging my head against walls or biting my arm to make the pain go away, and may be shaking and crying. Sometimes, this can be really small things, like not being able to find my pants when I was lying in bed and dinner is ready, and my bf tells me to hurry. If I'm just a bit drunk, this can be even smaller things, like people going to talk to someone else (was I not being interesting enough?), missing the bus I planned to take home, or someone saying that I said something wrong. This may also happen when I'm sober. Also, when I fail at something, no matter what and no matter how little I fail, I'm utterly destroyed.

I've been kind of special since I was a kid. I never wanted to start at school, I said I knew everything there was to be known. When other kids tried to take toys from me, I just sat there. When my parents quarreled, I panicked and hid under my pillow crying. I've always had problems getting along with my mum, she always says that I sound angry, or annoyed in her. I have no siblings, and my dad is a logical being, so we usually get along, but sometimes he also seem kind of angry when I don't know why. I've always thought they were the ones with problems, but now I'm not sure anymore.

When I lived at home (and even now), I seldom cleaned up after myself. My mum always picked up after me, and I never felt bad about it, it felt convenient, even when I turned 20. I didn't care about showering, and still have to remind myself that I should shower a few times a week. I was both a smart and social kid, talking to everyone about something I've read or bragging about sequences of numbers I've memorized, but except for my awesome nerdy neighbor, my best friends just kept teasing/dominating me in different ways, with everything from not letting me take my turn when we played video games, to drag me by my hair until I screamed. My parents hated them, but I never seemed to care, I liked their company I guess. I think I was mostly happy when I was under 12, like a clumsy golden retriever puppy, and was lucky to have a few friends that shared my interests like gaming, math and animals. But I still sat by myself a lot of the time, drawing/crafting, reading about animals, and memorizing things, from exponentials of 2 and multiplication of random numbers to song lyrics and the name of all the countries in Africa (by geographic position). My best memory from elementary schools was the pauses I spent with a strict teacher from another class, when she asked be geography questions and told me how smart I was. I also liked to brag about stuff I memorized in class, and felt cool by doing this, but I never though about the fact that I might be too bragging, I just wanted to be liked (maybe not the best way to be liked but I never felt I got any negative feedback, and I was never frozen out or anything). I learned by mimicking, either other persons or things I read. I still have problems with oral English, after everyone laughed when I was reading something aloud (later even my nice next English teacher), when I just tried to talk like our British-speaking English teacher did.

My best friend recently reminded me about my time at school when I was 13-15. I have always been clumsy, and often fell when it was icy outside, but at that age, I fell at school almost every day. She asked if I did it on purpose, but I can't remember any of it now, but since people were laughing, I might have done it to get attention. I wasn't aware at that time that I was craving attention, never thought about it, until I played the Sims 2 with a friend, we were choosing "life ambitions" and she said without thinking that mine without doubt was to "Be popular" (even though everyone chose love at that time, since it was more fun). I really liked a guy in my class, that ended up hating me because I was staring creepily (he said, I never thought that could be correct, and never gave it much thought), and he was teased by the others for it. I was so depressed. I also know that I got a lot of comments, both for smiling too much, and for having a creepy look sometimes (then I used the creepy look to creep out people, that was fun ). I still feel that I'm setting up a smile when I pass people I know, and have a strange awareness of when I "turn it off" again.

At high school, I got more female friends and started to care more about looks and such, but then I also became more aware of myself. I felt that people were acting strange towards be, without knowing why, and felt that girls were hard to communicate with, since they didn't tolerate me saying whatever I was thinking. I also learned by myself how to flirt systematically, which is pretty easy (just a tiny bit of touching of shoulders, act like a friend but joke about being more that that, so that the other person will wonder if there really is anything more.). When I think about it, most of my communication skills are based on knowledge like that, and is not intuitively. I did get several boyfriends in a row with the same interests and I got a lot of attention, but I had and still have problems with not flirting, since I've never ever received negative feedback on flirting, so it feels like the safest way of communicating. I I just recently learned to observe when others flirted with me, I earlier just noticed that I got attention and was content with that.

Other stuff : I've always been extremely messy, and have huge problems to actually get things done, since I space out if I have to many choices, unless I can use simple logic to separate them. I also use several hours to get started on writing, reading, drawing or other stuff, but when I first start I can continue do this for hours, maybe days. Other that that, I'm actually analytical and systematic to the bone, analyzing everything and everyone. I not able to picture things, and have always been good at math, since I'm seeing everything as abstract problems anyway. I have a desperate need for understanding and explain everything(which this whole text is a result of, and this line is that as well), from myself and other human beings and their mentality, to science. I've always liked all sort of information for purely theoretical reasons, never cared about what I could use it for. This goes for almost everything, from mental conditions to specific subjects. I was for instance never that much of a horse person, but I loved reading about breeds and behavior more than I enjoyed riding. Same goes for gaming, I play a lot of different games sometimes, but I prefer reading and speculating, discussing theories, drawing fan art and watching others play, rather than play myself.

Sorry about the length, I really have no filter when it comes to what is relevant or not, so I just write everything But I also love reading lengthy posts, so hopefully there exist others like me out there somewhere who will actually read some of this

I read it all! I get that problem too, when I am making a post or replying, I scroll up and see that I've just written a book no one will probably ever read XD But your story is good - made me wince and sigh and smile just like it happened to me. Which in a way it did, because I related to your post so well. I feel like I can say with certainty you are on the spectrum, having read your story. And we were just discussing extroversion vs. introversion regarding the autistic spectrum on another thread, and I feel that auties can absolutely be extroverted. But being autistic, they are still different from NT extroverts.

The "How to Act" book! That is such an autism thing. To feel like everyone got a secret how-to-act book except you. I told my psychologist who diagnosed me that I feel like everyone else just "knows" all this secret stuff for some reason, and I am constantly being surprised by something everyone else knows. Like one day all the cars on the roads could just fly up into the sky and I would be shocked and exclaim "Oh my god! All the cars just flew away!" and other people would just cast suspicious looks at me and say in a patronizing tone, "Of course they are, it's Flying Car Day." And of course I would say I've never heard of flying car day! and they would say "duh, you don't TALK about FLYING CAR DAY, everyone knows that."

ugh..."everyone knows that." Could we just strike that phrase from the english language?? Also, no one talking about a thing. That should not be a thing.

I think it's great that you have such a healthy perspective! Serious study at uni too, so you're surrounded by quirky intellectuals, the best environment for your personal growth. I wouldn't worry too much about this part of your life, enjoy being social, learning people, get better at interaction and you will find yourself with a solid foundation that will be profound when you get out of school and into the workforce.

I am one of those extroverted Aspies as well, and only in recent years as I've declined in some ways have I even thought to look back with any regrets, only that I declined so soon (to me, I turned 37 today). I had a blast in my 20s, didn't know I had AS, didn't know I had ADHD, C-PTSD, ... etc. etc. so I was free--- it was great.

I think Aspies connect with people even though there are many who would disagree with me. Love is still universal!

I was so hurt when I first learned that people don't think we can connect to others, because of course I feel that I love my mom and my grandma and my sisters more than anyone could love anyone else in the world! As I'm sure we all do about our loved ones. I guess the way we show our love is unfamiliar to people who are not on the spectrum. And that can often make it difficult to connect to people! But when you find someone who can understand that you are just different, not "distant" or unreachable or (and I shudder to even use the phrase) "empty inside" (no one is empty! what a dehumanizing term) - forming a connection can be as natural as anything.

Does anyone else sometimes feel that actually knowing some theories about autism sort of...makes them become true (or appear to be true)? Like a self-fulfilling prophesy?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

That is a lot to process. Have you taken any ASD self tests?

Oh and welcome.

Welcome!

Since you are a student in material science, you might be interested in the work of Prof. Jim Adams. Jim is a professor of Material Science at Arizona State University, which is located in the USA. Jim has a daughter who is autistic. He has moved into the research area of studying how materials affect autism, both causation and treatment. This is his web site.

http://autism.asu.edu

As you will see, he researches everything from the effects of supplements to the hazards of heavy metals.

Regards,
Rob

Welcome!

Since you are a student in material science, you might be interested in the work of Prof. Jim Adams. Jim is a professor of Material Science at Arizona State University, which is located in the USA. Jim has a daughter who is autistic. He has moved into the research area of studying how materials affect autism, both causation and treatment. This is his web site.

http://autism.asu.edu

As you will see, he researches everything from the effects of supplements to the hazards of heavy metals.

Regards,
Rob

Nothing wrong with what you're doing, in fact it's admirable that you can be very expressive and emotional. I know some of us here have trouble communicating how we really feel.

I would say work on filtering how much you say in relation to your audience - are they interested in what you have to say? Do they respond better when you say more or less?

You are ENFP, that means you are a primary Ne user. I am ENTP, that means I am also a primary Ne user. (Ne = extroverted intuition)

Ne thrives on possibilities, and bringing perceived possibilities together to sum up "why" you believe something is the way it is.

I've learned, most people get overwhelmed by too much information, which is why you might want to work on filtering what you say. Say what is needed, but find a way to condense what you mean so it gets to the point quicker.

Ne can come off as excessive rambling to those who are more introverted, or to those pressed on time and don't have a lot of time to listen. x.X;

Some of the stuff you wrote sounds a bit like Pathological Demand Avoidance, the newest category of autism spectrum disorder. It also sounds like ADHD. Have you been clinically assessed?

Yo, another ENFP here! I'm an NLDer, though. So weird there are so many of us with Autism.

Where do I meet enfp people? Are there places were enfp people tend to go to more?

For those not familiar with the acronym 'ENFP,' it's an acronym for Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ENFP