nobody believes that I have Asperger's when I tell them

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Hi everyone. I am new here in this forum and I have to confess I have been thinking about wiriting here for a while but never had the courage. I am a 23 year-old girl and I think I have Asperger, even if nobody takes this idea seriously. I explain...
(I am Italian so don't take my language mistakes as some kind of deficiency)
I was always the shiest kid, with my parents having to push me so that I could make any social contact, I was confortable only with them and I could spend entire days in my room in my own world; even in kindergarden I did not want to participate in any group acitivty or outdoor activity. I was always very anxious and quiet, I remember my dad once said to me kids should not ask their parents to buy them things and I just became obsessed about it and literally did not ask anything for days because I was afraid I was being rude. In general, I remember me as a kid being very very confused about how to interact with others, and having few friends (like... two) and being afraid they would just 'unfriend' me because I did something wrong. I began taking ballet classes and that was the only kind of sport I could do. In the past few years I have had few friends: usually I am not part of a group, if there is a group I find one person I think I can get along with and that's all; I have had a few of these 'best friends' but 1) I am not their 'best friend' (they explained to me that I don't share much and I always seem cold and not interested...) 2) I find it very difficult to keep the friendship if I am not seeing them in school or on a daily basis for other things. Believe me, I am trying. I have a little sister and my mom is always accusing me of being rude and not caring for her so much. Her favourite things to say to me are 'you have to be more spontaneous, you NEVER do something spontaneously generous for anyone, you never care, you never understand people'.


Now... I have recently had anxiety issues and as always I did a lot of research on the Internet (that's also my thing: obsessing with things and research a lot) I found the Aspie quiz. Result: 167 AS, 41 NT. That was me. In particular: not being able to maintain eye contact, difficulties in activities like catching a ball or driving, excellent marks and unusually accurate vocabulary, obsession with details and grammar... and many others. I told my mom about the test and she said I had defenetely OCD, she was laughing. I managed to get her to take the quiz and when she got normal scores she told me I had a problem, I was too obsessed with things.. and 'PEOPLE CAN CURE THEMSELVES, IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD'. I was shocked. I was asking for help, I mean... I don't know for sure if I am an Aspie, but I really want to get or get not diagnosed so that I can work on anyhting I have and stop this obsessive, anxious life I'm living...or at list learn how to cope with it.

I mean, I pushed myself and went to college and grad school, lived with other people and even went abroad for one semester. It did not work. I did not make any friends and I was so uncontrollably into my obsessions, my world and my anxiety that I gained weight and felt like I was unconcious for 5 months.

I don't think I can seek help alone, but I don't know how to be taken seriously from anyone.
I know this post is long and probably noone will even read all this. I just needed to let it all out and I hope that someone has some words of wisdom for me. Thanks guys.

First of all, congratulations that You reached Your dream in ballet that is so impressive and a huge achievement!

I relate - to me nobody wanted to believe me either though a psychologist said it (and I now have an official diagnosis too) .

The two main reasons people did not want to believe me was either:

*"oh you're just shy that's why you have those symptoms - everyone's like that but you will get more confident with practice" - divisiveness and attempts to "normalize" you by forcing you to be more social and at worst, thinking you are using Aperger's as an "excuse" to avoid interaction.

OR

*I have a friend who really has Autism Spectrum and she's nothing like you" - from limited encounters having preconceptions about the nature of how an Asperger's person should "be" like.

And more specifically to me, because I'm an immigrant, people often thought my mannerisms/voice/intonation/gestures were just because I'm foreign so they saw it as a cultural thing rather than an Asperger's thing .

It became a big relief in a way to be diagnozed so those doubts go away. But if it is of help to You, the psychologist said that it's something that if you feel you have it and read more and more and find you realting to what you read about it, then it is highly probable you have it - sort of an intuition thing . (And intution is something that only you can know it).

Also RE: other posts, that is atrocious what the teacher said! There is a website Autism.org.uk that maybe be of help it has list of services one is 'provides impartial, confidential information, advice and support on education rights and entitlements' provides impartial, confidential information, advice and support on education rights and entitlements.

RE: I agree also I don't see it as a disability, perhaps more (if one is to use conventional psychology words) akin to another variant to Myers-Briggs personality type?

From everything you have said, I believe you.

I think the disbelief we encounter stems from the fact that a great many people have little awareness or understanding of autism spectrum disorders. It's probably them, not you.

Welcome to wrong planet

After reading this thread I think they need to flip the terminology...those on the autism spectrum need to be called neurotypical and all those off it should be called assburgers.

Hi, I'm new here also. I'm 44 and have struggled with communication, sensory and social issues for as long as I can remember. I work in special education and I specialise in non-verbal modes of communication (which is kind of ironic if you think about it) - but which has also helped me enormously with interpreting expression, gestures and body language. However, my verbal communication, quite frankly, sucks.
I never thought of myself as Aspergers, even though I could relate extremely well to the autistic students I work with. My very understanding boss once called me in to her office after I had committed another blunder and I had a major meltdown, blubbering about how I had no idea what anyone was talking about and how I felt I was perpetually 'winging it', and how I couldn't seem to work out what seemed obvious to everyone else, and how I've always had the suspicion that something was wrong with me.
She looked at me and asked, "Have you ever considered that you may be on the spectrum yourself? The AVTASD thinks you are."
From there, everything started making sense...kind of. A few people were very hostile, though. One work colleague said, "Well that's a great excuse to be rude." A lot of people straight out told me I wasn't Aspergers - "Don't be stupid!" You're (a) shy (b) social phobic (c) f'd up because of your childhood/parents (d) all of the above. My mother thought I could be fixed with a liver cleansing diet and prayer because "You're not mental".
I'm glad I'm Aspergers. I'm not mental. I love literature and writing and learning new languages. The people who love me accept me and that's all that matters. I will struggle with some parts of my life but that's ok. I'm ok. I can cope and so can you.

Wow, I feel the same!

My parents don't believe me when I say I think I have it. I've always struggled with social relationships when I was younger, and still do. I lost many friends, and only had 1 friend in the 3rd grade.

yeah, different people have different opinions on anything ASD, ADHD, and so on. It is true that ADD/ADHD was a explain-all for many kids in my day to basically give a reason to medicate them so teachers don't have to deal with them as much while trying to teach oversized classes. I think it is from this that many will think of ASD and ADHD as "fake"

Most if not all kids who were labled ADD/ADHD were told they simply grew out of having ADD/ADHD. This again was just an end result of people using a label as a means to more easily control individuals as kids.

Now, regardless of that these are true/actual disorders and I don't think either can be simply "grown out of". I do believe some individuals can develop mechanisms to compensate for ASD and therefore seemingly grow out of it but in reality it's still there.

But ending this reply sometimes going into ASD and trying to get someone to understand better isn't even needed. if they already knew you for a while and always been exposed to your quirks without constantly having bad reactions towards you it may be better to just lit it be as it is. they already accept you. Unless your saying you were just diagnosed with it out of the blue and getting it off your shoulders many NT's will simply have that "so what?" attitude since they'd see it as being nothing new. The times i find myself saying something like "social disorders" or "Aspergers" is either it's relevant and not appearing as being a crutch, or when I realize someone has an interest in getting to understand me more.