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usagibryan
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13 Jul 2020, 1:24 pm

Kudos to anyone with the patience to read this. If I say anything wrong please correct me, I'm still learning about this stuff.

A little background about me, when I was a kid they said I had ADD and OCD (or rather OCD that manifested as ADD), and I had to take medication for it. Apparently they also wanted to test me for autism but that never happened. I was a weird kid, I hated parties, large groups of people, music, loud noises, dirt, sand, water, sports, outside, heat, bugs, etc. Not ideal for a Florida kid. I preferred to stay inside and play video games. If I did go outside I would just sit in one spot and daydream. I have no memory of any of this but apparently I was ultra neat as a kid, and the teachers thought I was gay because of this, I also used to line up my toy cars, and would have freakouts/episodes, etc, although I think that was because of the medication. Whenever I got presents I never smiled or reacted, even if I liked the present, growing up I was repeatedly told to show appreciation. In sixth grade, for one year I attended a small private school for kids that needed special attention, I don't remember what the criteria was beyond that. That was my favorite year of school.

In school I rarely hung out with other kids outside of school, if I did it was one on one not in groups, I didn't go to parties, and after I graduated high school I continued to decline invites and basically lost all contact with my "friends" and just stayed inside. I pretty much spent my late teens and early to mid 20s just staying inside, on the computer, reading, playing video games, etc. I didn't get a job, learn to drive, socialize as an adult (with people in real life, not online) or start dating until my late 20s, and since then it has been a minefield trying to navigate other people. At 33 I'm still single and have never lived on my own.

I know everyone hates the Bing Bang Theory and I don't know how people here feel about the character Sheldon Cooper but to my understanding this character is supposed to be on the spectrum (even though the writers never confirmed this) and when the show came out all my family could talk about was how much I was like Sheldon. Random strangers would tell me I reminded them of Sheldon. I was like Sheldon as a kid, I'd like to think I'm more socially aware as an adult, I've spent a lot of effort to not be that insufferable around people. My goal is to not be as annoying and rude as Sheldon Cooper, and I don't want to use a diagnosis as an excuse to revert to that behavior.

I can relate to a lot of the characteristics of aspergers or high functioning autism. Eye contact is a big one for me, I had to train myself to do it, I still forget to make eye contact sometimes, especially if I'm comfortable around that person. I can't read facial expressions and I wonder if that's because I never look at people's faces. I'm much better with reading tone of voice. I also dislike sudden change, in my routine or environment, if I'm making plans I like it to be days in advance, whether it's a date or hanging out with friends or whatever. I am not spontaneous. I also had to train myself to let topics go. I could talk about the same thing for hours, I can't pick up on when people are bored so if they change the subject I just drop it. Too much noise and disorganization makes me physically ill, unfortunately for financial reasons I'm living in a two bedroom townhouse with my mom, her gf, my late godmother's niece, HER two kids and her daughter's baby, so there is a lot of chaos.

There are things I don't relate to though. I don't have meltdowns, I have had panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. I don't stim or have any of the unusual body movement I've seen of videos of people with autism. I've taken the online test, got a 32 which apparently is right on the border. I've never been formally diagnosed, I don't know what the consensus is on self-diagnosis but if I am on the spectrum my life would make a lot of sense. I don't know how I would go about getting a diagnosis, or if "trying" to get one would be a mistake. I've tried therapy but it wasn't working and I had to stop for financial reasons. I'm also not sure what is due to autism or what could be OCD or social anxiety, or just being socially stunted from being a hermit.

I've met two people on the spectrum and they were both very interesting people. One I met on Tinder, he was a polyamorous FTM furry who was obsessed with Japanese culture, anime, yaoi and fanfiction. He was refreshingly honest and I feel like we got along, I felt comfortable with him but I found it hard to keep up with his idiosyncrasies and make a connection, he seemed to be in his own head, plus distance was an issue. Another was a very extravagant, flamboyant man who seemed to be channeling a combination of Mary Poppins and Matt Smith's Doctor. I met him in a Facebook group and he wanted to meet. I didn't realize it was a date until he tried to kiss me but in retrospect I should have assumed that was his intention. He was very proud and unapologetic about his autism. He was also very loud when he talked, came across rude (although I know that was not his intention, I didn't like it when he put his shoes on my bed) and didn't catch my hints, and in retrospect I should have been more direct. Interacting with people on the spectrum is difficult but so is interacting with people who aren't, it's just different. These encounters also made me doubt if I'm on the spectrum because I am not like these people, but these two people were not like each other.



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13 Jul 2020, 1:39 pm

Hello and welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am in a similar situation of not having been diagnosed and therefore only knowing that the traits I share make it a possibility. It is an idea to get an assessment done. Here in the UK it is free but usually takes a few years wait to be assessed. USA is a lot quicker but it normally costs money. I heard that there were universities offering free assessments? Was it so they could study people? No idea.


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13 Jul 2020, 1:52 pm

usagibryan wrote:
Kudos to anyone with the patience to read this. If I say anything wrong please correct me, I'm still learning about this stuff.

A little background about me, when I was a kid they said I had ADD and OCD (or rather OCD that manifested as ADD), and I had to take medication for it. Apparently they also wanted to test me for autism but that never happened. I was a weird kid, I hated parties, large groups of people, music, loud noises, dirt, sand, water, sports, outside, heat, bugs, etc. Not ideal for a Florida kid. I preferred to stay inside and play video games. If I did go outside I would just sit in one spot and daydream. I have no memory of any of this but apparently I was ultra neat as a kid, and the teachers thought I was gay because of this, I also used to line up my toy cars, and would have freakouts/episodes, etc, although I think that was because of the medication. Whenever I got presents I never smiled or reacted, even if I liked the present, growing up I was repeatedly told to show appreciation. In sixth grade, for one year I attended a small private school for kids that needed special attention, I don't remember what the criteria was beyond that. That was my favorite year of school.

In school I rarely hung out with other kids outside of school, if I did it was one on one not in groups, I didn't go to parties, and after I graduated high school I continued to decline invites and basically lost all contact with my "friends" and just stayed inside. I pretty much spent my late teens and early to mid 20s just staying inside, on the computer, reading, playing video games, etc. I didn't get a job, learn to drive, socialize as an adult (with people in real life, not online) or start dating until my late 20s, and since then it has been a minefield trying to navigate other people. At 33 I'm still single and have never lived on my own.

I know everyone hates the Bing Bang Theory and I don't know how people here feel about the character Sheldon Cooper but to my understanding this character is supposed to be on the spectrum (even though the writers never confirmed this) and when the show came out all my family could talk about was how much I was like Sheldon. Random strangers would tell me I reminded them of Sheldon. I was like Sheldon as a kid, I'd like to think I'm more socially aware as an adult, I've spent a lot of effort to not be that insufferable around people. My goal is to not be as annoying and rude as Sheldon Cooper, and I don't want to use a diagnosis as an excuse to revert to that behavior.

I can relate to a lot of the characteristics of aspergers or high functioning autism. Eye contact is a big one for me, I had to train myself to do it, I still forget to make eye contact sometimes, especially if I'm comfortable around that person. I can't read facial expressions and I wonder if that's because I never look at people's faces. I'm much better with reading tone of voice. I also dislike sudden change, in my routine or environment, if I'm making plans I like it to be days in advance, whether it's a date or hanging out with friends or whatever. I am not spontaneous. I also had to train myself to let topics go. I could talk about the same thing for hours, I can't pick up on when people are bored so if they change the subject I just drop it. Too much noise and disorganization makes me physically ill, unfortunately for financial reasons I'm living in a two bedroom townhouse with my mom, her gf, my late godmother's niece, HER two kids and her daughter's baby, so there is a lot of chaos.

There are things I don't relate to though. I don't have meltdowns, I have had panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. I don't stim or have any of the unusual body movement I've seen of videos of people with autism. I've taken the online test, got a 32 which apparently is right on the border. I've never been formally diagnosed, I don't know what the consensus is on self-diagnosis but if I am on the spectrum my life would make a lot of sense. I don't know how I would go about getting a diagnosis, or if "trying" to get one would be a mistake. I've tried therapy but it wasn't working and I had to stop for financial reasons. I'm also not sure what is due to autism or what could be OCD or social anxiety, or just being socially stunted from being a hermit.

I've met two people on the spectrum and they were both very interesting people. One I met on Tinder, he was a polyamorous FTM furry who was obsessed with Japanese culture, anime, yaoi and fanfiction. He was refreshingly honest and I feel like we got along, I felt comfortable with him but I found it hard to keep up with his idiosyncrasies and make a connection, he seemed to be in his own head, plus distance was an issue. Another was a very extravagant, flamboyant man who seemed to be channeling a combination of Mary Poppins and Matt Smith's Doctor. I met him in a Facebook group and he wanted to meet. I didn't realize it was a date until he tried to kiss me but in retrospect I should have assumed that was his intention. He was very proud and unapologetic about his autism. He was also very loud when he talked, came across rude (although I know that was not his intention, I didn't like it when he put his shoes on my bed) and didn't catch my hints, and in retrospect I should have been more direct. Interacting with people on the spectrum is difficult but so is interacting with people who aren't, it's just different. These encounters also made me doubt if I'm on the spectrum because I am not like these people, but these two people were not like each other.
It's possible I would recommend taking some of the free tests on the web alot fo people tkae like RAADS-R and AQ before you get an assement if you decide you want one. Which if you don't have a job it'd probably be in your best interest to get one. Now i'm by no means an expert. I'd also like to point out that the Freakouts/Nervous breakdowns you're refering to could very well be meltdowns. It's also possible that you were discouraged from stimming. Ex. I used to chew on my shirts but my dad told me to stop ruining my shirts so, I stopped doing it. OCD is comorbid with ASD and it's also possible that it was a misdiangnosis when you should've been diagnosed with ASD. Social anxiety is also very common.


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13 Jul 2020, 1:54 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! There is a saying around here that if you meet one Aspie then you have met one Aspie. Most Aspies are very different from each other.


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usagibryan
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13 Jul 2020, 2:23 pm

Pieplup wrote:
It's possible I would recommend taking some of the free tests on the web alot fo people tkae like RAADS-R and AQ before you get an assement if you decide you want one. Which if you don't have a job it'd probably be in your best interest to get one. Now i'm by no means an expert. I'd also like to point out that the Freakouts/Nervous breakdowns you're refering to could very well be meltdowns. It's also possible that you were discouraged from stimming. Ex. I used to chew on my shirts but my dad told me to stop ruining my shirts so, I stopped doing it. OCD is comorbid with ASD and it's also possible that it was a misdiangnosis when you should've been diagnosed with ASD. Social anxiety is also very common.


Holy cow, I chewed on my shirts as a kid too, how oddly specific. 8O

I was also told to stop doing that of course. I heard ASD, OCD, and ADD are related or overlap somehow.

Only reason I differentiated meltdowns from panic attacks is based one what I've seen a melt down look like (from videos) I've never done that. But I'm not very knowledgeable of the subject, after a quick google search the "Anticipating a meltdown" of this article from autism.org does describe me, except for the repetitive movements such as rocking and the subsequent "violent" actions such as kicking, screaming, etc:

Quote:
Many autistic people will show signs of distress before having a meltdown, which is sometimes referred to as the “rumble stage”. They may start to exhibit signs of anxiety such as pacing, seek reassurance through repetitive questioning or physical signs such as rocking or becoming very still. At this stage, there may still be a chance to prevent a meltdown. Strategies to consider include distraction, diversion, helping the person use calming strategies such as fiddle toys or listening to music, removing any potential triggers, and staying calm yourself.


I just took the RAADS-R test, I can't seem to post a screenshot or a URL here since I'm a new user, which is disappointing because it gave me an interesting table with a graph, but I got a total score of 169. I like how this test asked me what was true now as opposed to what was true when I was under 16 years old, a lot has changed, but it still gave me a high score.



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13 Jul 2020, 2:48 pm

Hi and welcome usagibryan

It sounds like you have commonalities with many of us here and likely many differences too. As Jimmy said, if you've met one person on the autism spectrum...

It sounds busy in your mums house, I would struggle in a situation where I couldnt have alone time. What do you do for headspace?


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usagibryan
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13 Jul 2020, 2:53 pm

Thanks for the welcomes everyone

Amity wrote:
Hi and welcome usagibryan

It sounds like you have commonalities with many of us here and likely many differences too. As Jimmy said, if you've met one person on the autism spectrum...

It sounds busy in your mums house, I would struggle in a situation where I couldnt have alone time. What do you do for headspace?


Luckily I have my own room and they respect my privacy, they are occupying the living room for the time being and we are sharing the bathroom, which I hate. I just keep my headphones in, browse the web, watch videos, play games, play my keyboard, listen to music or study. I try to get out when I can, to the library or comic book store for board games.



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13 Jul 2020, 3:00 pm

^Ah that makes more sense to me, I imagined that you were the one staying in the living room :D

Glad you have that space to yourself.


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13 Jul 2020, 6:50 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :D


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13 Jul 2020, 9:33 pm

jimmy m wrote:
Most Aspies are very different from each other.

I'm not



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13 Jul 2020, 10:28 pm

usagibryan wrote:
Pieplup wrote:
It's possible I would recommend taking some of the free tests on the web alot fo people tkae like RAADS-R and AQ before you get an assement if you decide you want one. Which if you don't have a job it'd probably be in your best interest to get one. Now i'm by no means an expert. I'd also like to point out that the Freakouts/Nervous breakdowns you're refering to could very well be meltdowns. It's also possible that you were discouraged from stimming. Ex. I used to chew on my shirts but my dad told me to stop ruining my shirts so, I stopped doing it. OCD is comorbid with ASD and it's also possible that it was a misdiangnosis when you should've been diagnosed with ASD. Social anxiety is also very common.


Holy cow, I chewed on my shirts as a kid too, how oddly specific. 8O

I was also told to stop doing that of course. I heard ASD, OCD, and ADD are related or overlap somehow.

Only reason I differentiated meltdowns from panic attacks is based one what I've seen a melt down look like (from videos) I've never done that. But I'm not very knowledgeable of the subject, after a quick google search the "Anticipating a meltdown" of this article from autism.org does describe me, except for the repetitive movements such as rocking and the subsequent "violent" actions such as kicking, screaming, etc:

Quote:
Many autistic people will show signs of distress before having a meltdown, which is sometimes referred to as the “rumble stage”. They may start to exhibit signs of anxiety such as pacing, seek reassurance through repetitive questioning or physical signs such as rocking or becoming very still. At this stage, there may still be a chance to prevent a meltdown. Strategies to consider include distraction, diversion, helping the person use calming strategies such as fiddle toys or listening to music, removing any potential triggers, and staying calm yourself.


I just took the RAADS-R test, I can't seem to post a screenshot or a URL here since I'm a new user, which is disappointing because it gave me an interesting table with a graph, but I got a total score of 169. I like how this test asked me what was true now as opposed to what was true when I was under 16 years old, a lot has changed, but it still gave me a high score.
It's not so much that they are related as that. Alot of times autism can look like ADHD. I believe it used to be a diagnostic requirement that if you are diagnosed with Asperger's or autism, you can't get diagnosed with ADHD. I'm not to familiar with ADD. Alot of the symptoms overlap. As for OCD alot of people with autism can be very obsessive and compulsive. That's why ADHD is associated with autism. OCD full results would be nice but no nessicary. It's worth seeking out a diagnosis. However another important part of autism is motor skills do you have any problems with motor skills. I struggle alot with motor skills. That's something else to consider. It's very possible you were misdiagnosed as OCD. NOT to say OCD can't happen along with ASD. You probably have some tactile sensory issues. The problems with these disorders is Autism is like having alot of these disorders all together along with a few extra things. So it's difficult to distinguish the difference between them.


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usagibryan
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14 Jul 2020, 6:57 am

Pieplup wrote:
It's not so much that they are related as that. Alot of times autism can look like ADHD. I believe it used to be a diagnostic requirement that if you are diagnosed with Asperger's or autism, you can't get diagnosed with ADHD. I'm not to familiar with ADD. Alot of the symptoms overlap. As for OCD alot of people with autism can be very obsessive and compulsive. That's why ADHD is associated with autism. OCD full results would be nice but no nessicary. It's worth seeking out a diagnosis. However another important part of autism is motor skills do you have any problems with motor skills. I struggle alot with motor skills. That's something else to consider. It's very possible you were misdiagnosed as OCD. NOT to say OCD can't happen along with ASD. You probably have some tactile sensory issues. The problems with these disorders is Autism is like having alot of these disorders all together along with a few extra things. So it's difficult to distinguish the difference between them.


I'm clumsy and have bad coordination, it's almost like I don't know how big I am or how long my arms are, lol. I've always thought of taking up some kinesthetic activity (fencing, dancing, etc) to improve. I never thought of it as bad motor skills.



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14 Jul 2020, 9:27 am

usagibryan wrote:
I'm clumsy and have bad coordination, it's almost like I don't know how big I am or how long my arms are, lol. I've always thought of taking up some kinesthetic activity (fencing, dancing, etc) to improve. I never thought of it as bad motor skills.


In my case I am more like a monkey. I loved to climb trees as a child and play on the monkey bars. As a result I have an exceptional sense of balance. But the coordination is weak. I could never dance. My timing is always off. But I was great at fencing.

As humans, we are born with seven senses. These are the five senses traditionally ascribed to humans, which are vision, hearing, taste, smell and touch. The sixth sense is called proprioception, the perception of body position, which is important for balance and agility in movement. The seventh sense is vestibular, which is the perception of our body in relation to gravitational force and acceleration.

Proprioception is the sense of the relative position of neighboring parts of the body and strength of effort being employed in movement. This sense is very important as it lets us know exactly where our body parts are, how we are positioned in space and to plan our movements. This sense encompasses fine and gross motor skills. Examples of our proprioception in practice include being able to clap our hands together with our eyes closed, write with a pencil and apply with correct pressure, and navigate through a narrow space.

The vestibular system explains the perception of our body in relation to gravity, movement and balance. The vestibular system measures acceleration, g-force, body movements and head position. The vestibular system includes the parts of the inner ear and brain that help control balance and eye movements. Examples of the vestibular system in practice include knowing that you are moving when you are in an elevator, knowing whether you are lying down or sitting up, and being able to walk along a balance beam.


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usagibryan
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14 Jul 2020, 9:36 am

jimmy m wrote:
In my case I am more like a monkey. I loved to climb trees as a child and play on the monkey bars. As a result I have an exceptional sense of balance. But the coordination is weak. I could never dance. My timing is always off. But I was great at fencing.

As humans, we are born with seven senses. These are the five senses traditionally ascribed to humans, which are vision, hearing, taste, smell and touch. The sixth sense is called proprioception, the perception of body position, which is important for balance and agility in movement. The seventh sense is vestibular, which is the perception of our body in relation to gravitational force and acceleration.

Proprioception is the sense of the relative position of neighboring parts of the body and strength of effort being employed in movement. This sense is very important as it lets us know exactly where our body parts are, how we are positioned in space and to plan our movements. This sense encompasses fine and gross motor skills. Examples of our proprioception in practice include being able to clap our hands together with our eyes closed, write with a pencil and apply with correct pressure, and navigate through a narrow space.

The vestibular system explains the perception of our body in relation to gravity, movement and balance. The vestibular system measures acceleration, g-force, body movements and head position. The vestibular system includes the parts of the inner ear and brain that help control balance and eye movements. Examples of the vestibular system in practice include knowing that you are moving when you are in an elevator, knowing whether you are lying down or sitting up, and being able to walk along a balance beam.


That is fascinating. Thank you for teaching me a new word, I guess I have bad proprioception. I'm good with my fingers/hands, I learned how to type very well without looking and I'm learning to play the piano. But when it comes to the rest of my body and objects around me it's chaos, lol. I tend to look down at my legs a lot when I move, and try to move very delicately in small spaces. Sports were never my forte, I'm trying to get in shape and I just can't seem to keep proper form during exercises.



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14 Jul 2020, 2:08 pm

usagibryan wrote:
jimmy m wrote:
In my case I am more like a monkey. I loved to climb trees as a child and play on the monkey bars. As a result I have an exceptional sense of balance. But the coordination is weak. I could never dance. My timing is always off. But I was great at fencing.

As humans, we are born with seven senses. These are the five senses traditionally ascribed to humans, which are vision, hearing, taste, smell and touch. The sixth sense is called proprioception, the perception of body position, which is important for balance and agility in movement. The seventh sense is vestibular, which is the perception of our body in relation to gravitational force and acceleration.

Proprioception is the sense of the relative position of neighboring parts of the body and strength of effort being employed in movement. This sense is very important as it lets us know exactly where our body parts are, how we are positioned in space and to plan our movements. This sense encompasses fine and gross motor skills. Examples of our proprioception in practice include being able to clap our hands together with our eyes closed, write with a pencil and apply with correct pressure, and navigate through a narrow space.

The vestibular system explains the perception of our body in relation to gravity, movement and balance. The vestibular system measures acceleration, g-force, body movements and head position. The vestibular system includes the parts of the inner ear and brain that help control balance and eye movements. Examples of the vestibular system in practice include knowing that you are moving when you are in an elevator, knowing whether you are lying down or sitting up, and being able to walk along a balance beam.


That is fascinating. Thank you for teaching me a new word, I guess I have bad proprioception. I'm good with my fingers/hands, I learned how to type very well without looking and I'm learning to play the piano. But when it comes to the rest of my body and objects around me it's chaos, lol. I tend to look down at my legs a lot when I move, and try to move very delicately in small spaces. Sports were never my forte, I'm trying to get in shape and I just can't seem to keep proper form during exercises.

Yes so about that. There is another sense introception it's about things like feeling hot/cold, hungry/thirsty, when you need to go to the bathroom. I think i'm hypo-sensitive to vestibular (under-sensitive). Swinging is one of my favorite things to do :P .


usagibryan wrote:
Pieplup wrote:
It's not so much that they are related as that. Alot of times autism can look like ADHD. I believe it used to be a diagnostic requirement that if you are diagnosed with Asperger's or autism, you can't get diagnosed with ADHD. I'm not to familiar with ADD. Alot of the symptoms overlap. As for OCD alot of people with autism can be very obsessive and compulsive. That's why ADHD is associated with autism. OCD full results would be nice but no nessicary. It's worth seeking out a diagnosis. However another important part of autism is motor skills do you have any problems with motor skills. I struggle alot with motor skills. That's something else to consider. It's very possible you were misdiagnosed as OCD. NOT to say OCD can't happen along with ASD. You probably have some tactile sensory issues. The problems with these disorders is Autism is like having alot of these disorders all together along with a few extra things. So it's difficult to distinguish the difference between them.


I'm clumsy and have bad coordination, it's almost like I don't know how big I am or how long my arms are, lol. I've always thought of taking up some kinesthetic activity (fencing, dancing, etc) to improve. I never thought of it as bad motor skills.

You might not suffer from fine motor skills and just gross motor skills I suffer from both. And while it can be improved by practice. Sometimes it's so tiring to use the skills post-burnout that After 30 minutes I'm basically done for the day. Even my most practiced fine motor skills still are worse than normal peoples. and I lack control and like a knowledge of how to control my limbs. I have to figure out how to do a action before I do it. Some tasks are harder to learn for me than others. Ironically I actually did do sports when I Was younger. I enjoyed baseball alot. I didn't care for basketball or football but my mom never asked me if I wanted to play the sport so I played the sport. When I moved to my dad's house I stopped playing sports.


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I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup


usagibryan
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15 Jul 2020, 9:03 am

Pieplup wrote:
Yes so about that. There is another sense introception it's about things like feeling hot/cold, hungry/thirsty, when you need to go to the bathroom. I think i'm hypo-sensitive to vestibular (under-sensitive). Swinging is one of my favorite things to do :P .


I haven't used a swingset since I was a kid. My own personal adult swing that is sturdy and could hold my weight actually sounds like a fun idea.

Pieplup wrote:
You might not suffer from fine motor skills and just gross motor skills I suffer from both. And while it can be improved by practice. Sometimes it's so tiring to use the skills post-burnout that After 30 minutes I'm basically done for the day. Even my most practiced fine motor skills still are worse than normal peoples. and I lack control and like a knowledge of how to control my limbs. I have to figure out how to do a action before I do it. Some tasks are harder to learn for me than others. Ironically I actually did do sports when I Was younger. I enjoyed baseball alot. I didn't care for basketball or football but my mom never asked me if I wanted to play the sport so I played the sport. When I moved to my dad's house I stopped playing sports.


I just never got into sports, I avoided them as a kid. I tried taking a kickboxing class once but that ended in disaster. After watching Yuri on Ice I got into my head that I wanted to try figure skating or some similarly graceful activity, even if it's just yoga or something, to make me stronger, more flexible and more in control of my body.