The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Hi, CC. I agree with morning_after about focusing on the present and asking how your cousin is at the moment. And if the subject of her cancer does come up, approaching it in a matter of fact, logical, manner is really the best way to deal with it. I can tell you this as a patient in hospital who was facing the possibility of passing away.

I found my favorite visitors were the ones that treated me like I was the same person I was before I was so ill. They came in, they talked to me about what was going on in the world, how I was feeling at the time. We talked about them, as well. When they did ask questions about my illness or hospital stay they were rational, and non-emotional questions that I could answer with facts. The ones that came in with that tone of pity that just drips from a person's words drove me crazy and I wanted them to leave 2 minutes after they arrived. I prefered the angry "I hate that this could happen to you!" to "You poor thing. And your poor children..."
I wanted to smack 'em.

Even though doctors may say there is "X' amount of time before someone passes away, they usually don't want to be reminded or treated that way. It's hard to stay alive when people are treating you like you're already dead.

Hope my perspective helps.

Luv ya,
Lauri

1. Thanks morning_after.
2. Thanks, Laurie.

Two heads are better than one. Now I can say that's a fact.

This is plain silly!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5R8gSgedh4[/youtube]

I just got off the phone with R and it was a lot easier than I had expected. She made it easy. I started off asking "How are you?" She said "I'm doing great." She then told me all about the nursing home, how clean it was, how everyone there was so wonderful. She said she was watching the Home & Garden show on TV. I told her about our trip to Florida and we talked about that for a bit. She said her sister was flying home to talk to her boss about an early retirement or an extended leave of absence, so that she could come back and spend time with her and then possibly take over her apartment in Lansdale. She asked me to help her persuade her sister to sell her house in Slidell and make a permanent move up here. I said I would talk to M about that. M has said for a while that she can't wait until she can leave her job and move out of Louisiana and back to PA. I told R that I was going to visit her after Easter. She said she was dying to see me and that perhaps we could take her out to dinner. She asked me to bring my sister if possible. Then she said "Now I don't want you to worry about me. I made a determination that it would be this way. I've fought it for two years and now it's time to face it. There's no getting around it." I asked if there was anything I could do for her in the meantime, until I saw her next. She said no, that everything was taken care of and please don't bring me any food, I have enough food. I said okay and I'll see you soon and I love you. She said "I love you too and your whole clan. I love you to pieces." And then we each said goodbye and she said "and don't cry." I said "okay, I won't cry."

Quoting Lau:

Just lurking and stimming....

Hi CC! It seems you are on the right track and the advice you have been given here will encourage you as you interact with R

I agree with Lau that it is good that she is her old bitchy self.

Take heart. Listen carefully to what she wants to say.

(((((((((Carol)))))))))

Robyn

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpqGvYN5p-I[/youtube]

CC, i want you to know it's okay to cry.

That is how I want to be when I go.
Glad and cheerful and helping other people to deal with it. What a relief to know it is all going to be over, soon! I don't want to up set anyone by my attitude about my demise. I am just so glad that R showed us all how to help out everyone else how to do it!

Merle