Page 649 of 1008 [ 16118 posts ]
Go to page Previous 1 ... 646, 647, 648, 649, 650, 651, 652 ... 1008 Next
20 Mar 2008, 11:10 pm
20 Mar 2008, 11:12 pm
blessedmom wrote:
Hypothetically, I think she knows what her hypothetical friend thinks.
Uhhh, actually, "she" doesn't have a clue.
20 Mar 2008, 11:58 pm
Nan wrote:
blessedmom wrote:
Hypothetically, I think she knows what her hypothetical friend thinks.
Uhhh, actually, "she" doesn't have a clue.
"She" mentioned it a few weeks(?) ago and her not really adventurous friend told her that she would stay where she is, as she knows the ropes and the stress may not be worth the money. But her friend is sort of a moron when it comes to all matters financial...... 
It may be best to listen to those whose heads aren't in the clouds most of the time. 
21 Mar 2008, 12:05 am
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
21 Mar 2008, 8:55 am
cosmiccat wrote:
Yes, the movies had a sobering effect on me. I seem to have been hung up a long time on their mistakes and forgetting all the good they did. I was really especially amazed by the care my mother put into my grooming. In the films my hair was always fixed so pretty with bows and curls and such and my clothing was so lovely. That sounds like minor stuff, but I had forgotten all of those things that she did for me. My 24 year old daughter was watching the films with me and she pointed out how my mother put such effort into my hair and clothes. We were both crying a lot while watching the films. Especially when we got to that point in the films where we could see my mother aging and looking so tired and depressed but trying to put up a good front for all of us. That period of her physical decline coincided with the period her four children all started experimenting with destructive lifestyles. Oh, how arrogant and self occupied we were, not even aware of what it was doing to her..
Thank you for sharing the pics and your insights about your parents. I wonder if it'll take my daughter as long to understand what a single mother with undiagnosed Asperger's went through to keep her clothed and fed. And it's true that the therapists are always encouraging us to trash the parents, without encouraging some understanding of their side of the story. My current therapist seems to want to pounce whenever I say something about my parents that isn't angry or resentful. It's as if she has to remind me to be angry. It's all well and good to let the anger out, but I don't want to make a religion out of it! If only my daughter could see how much I loved, and still love her. But whenever she calls, she tells me what a lousy parent I was.
21 Mar 2008, 9:48 am
cosmiccat wrote:
Quoting Sleepydragon:
It's perfect for us, Sleepy. And if we get our own reality show it would be the perfect theme song. Now lets see, Blessedmom plays the flute, Nan plays, is it the sax or the trumpet, Nan? I know it's a horn of some kind. Chuck plays the sax, right? Sleepy, do you sing? Merle has a wonderful singing voice. Lau sings well also. I play the keyboard, but not all that well. Who else?
Quote:
our theme song. Laughing Laughing Laughing
It's perfect for us, Sleepy. And if we get our own reality show it would be the perfect theme song.
Now lets see, Blessedmom plays the flute, Nan plays, is it the sax or the trumpet, Nan? I know it's a horn of some kind. Chuck plays the sax, right? Sleepy, do you sing? Merle has a wonderful singing voice. Lau sings well also. I play the keyboard, but not all that well. Who else?"Low Woodwinds" - alto and bass clarinet; b-flat clarinet, and, very badly, alto sax.
And the triangle.
Last edited by Nan on 21 Mar 2008, 10:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
sartresue
Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
21 Mar 2008, 9:50 am
Sleepy Dragon wrote:
Sartresue, I have to confess that digital imaging programs are my dear friend when it comes to solving mazes. I open Lau's avatar in good old MS Paint, and change the view to 6X or 8X so it's easier to see. Then I pick a nice loud colour (magenta works well) and use the pencil tool to start tracing a path through the maze. Whenever I come to a fork in the road, and there are no obvious dead ends, I switch to another colour and use the bucket-fill tool to see which pathway goes to the exit. Continue until finished. (For the round maze, I deleted all the black walls and "borrowed" one of those nice bluey-green skin tones from Lau's face for the completed path.) Then change the view to 2X, hit "Print Screen", crop the pic and save.
What can I say, it's more fun than cleaning the house. 
Speaking of underoxygenation, that reminds me of a time when I was in Year 7, and was trying to impress some classmates at recess with my breath-holding prowess, and I passed out on the floor - to everyone's amazement, not least my own. 
[/quote]
Maze-ing the grade topic
Sleepydragon, that is a good way to problem solve the mazes. I do it the old fashioned way by tracing them with a pencil. The maze link I have has lots of good mazes. I have always been okay at solving them. They are a lot of fun. I use my eyes and pencil to follow the path. My eyes run ahead as my hand and pencil are slow (dyspraxia).
Lau does look blue. Cyanotic. I hope he does not feel that way.
Lots of talk since I have been here. Jobs and families. I cannot give advice there , as I am challenged in both areas. Good luck to cosmiccat and Nan.
21 Mar 2008, 9:50 am
hartzofspace wrote:
cosmiccat wrote:
Yes, the movies had a sobering effect on me. I seem to have been hung up a long time on their mistakes and forgetting all the good they did. I was really especially amazed by the care my mother put into my grooming. In the films my hair was always fixed so pretty with bows and curls and such and my clothing was so lovely. That sounds like minor stuff, but I had forgotten all of those things that she did for me. My 24 year old daughter was watching the films with me and she pointed out how my mother put such effort into my hair and clothes. We were both crying a lot while watching the films. Especially when we got to that point in the films where we could see my mother aging and looking so tired and depressed but trying to put up a good front for all of us. That period of her physical decline coincided with the period her four children all started experimenting with destructive lifestyles. Oh, how arrogant and self occupied we were, not even aware of what it was doing to her..
Thank you for sharing the pics and your insights about your parents. I wonder if it'll take my daughter as long to understand what a single mother with undiagnosed Asperger's went through to keep her clothed and fed. And it's true that the therapists are always encouraging us to trash the parents, without encouraging some understanding of their side of the story. My current therapist seems to want to pounce whenever I say something about my parents that isn't angry or resentful. It's as if she has to remind me to be angry. It's all well and good to let the anger out, but I don't want to make a religion out of it! If only my daughter could see how much I loved, and still love her. But whenever she calls, she tells me what a lousy parent I was.
Everybody was a lousy parent. And every kid is a no-good bum. At one time or another. It's a matter of looking past the "occasional" and what's useful to one's ego at the time....
21 Mar 2008, 9:59 am
blessedmom wrote:
Nan wrote:
blessedmom wrote:
Hypothetically, I think she knows what her hypothetical friend thinks.
Uhhh, actually, "she" doesn't have a clue.
"She" mentioned it a few weeks(?) ago and her not really adventurous friend told her that she would stay where she is, as she knows the ropes and the stress may not be worth the money. But her friend is sort of a moron when it comes to all matters financial...... It may be best to listen to those whose heads aren't in the clouds most of the time. Ohyeah. When the "unoffical" word came through. Senior Moment there. I actually hadn't really expected they were really going to ask. But they did.
I'm thinking the answer will be "no, but thanks for thinking of me". I'm already twitchy, if I crater out it's not like there are plenty of jobs to just walk into at my age (ageism does exist - especially if you LOOK like you're not under 40) and there's no safety net out there anymore. Not worth taking the chance of losing the house, becoming ill, and draining my bank account over it. Not to mention what's left of my sanity. Already been down that road, there's not enough time left in my working career to recover from a total blow-out again.
I could probably do it by completely red-lining my health and mental state for the three years, and I'd be limping badly at the end. If I managed to make it that long, I could then move on - assuming the economy pulled up by then. There's a lot of big "ifs" there.... No, I think if I was 25 or 30 I'd go for it. Not now, this late in my "career". There's too much to lose without the time to put it back together again.
Of course, did this kind of thing come along when I WAS 25 or 30? No. Could I have handled it anyway? No, not then. Not in a million years.
Life's all about timing.
Thanks for the feedback.
21 Mar 2008, 10:09 am
Nan wrote:
Ok. "Hypothetical Situation" here:
Saaaay.... that you've been working in a job for several years, doing well enough in it to receive very good annual evaluations. It is pretty independent, relatively easy, "not too bad" as jobs go. There are days when you stick pins in the voodoo doll of the ego-of-the-moment client, but you have good coworkers.
You receive a phone call from another division in your organization one morning. They are looking for a manager and have asked you to apply for the job. You can do easily about 1/2 the job tasks. Of the remaining, most are things you can pick up "on the fly" quickly with reasonable confidence of success. There are three major stumbling blocks to telling them you are interested:
1) You would be supervising several people (cue Aspie interpersonal skills, which aren't all that great, and a horror of supervising others)
2) You would be having to work heavily with budgets. Which you have done in the past, but which are an absolute misery as you have no sense of numbers.
3) While the pay would increase somewhat, and while it would be a promotion to a higher job grade, there would be a lot of stress involved (inherent in the job and also from the Aspie aspect of things).
On the flip side, you could increase your retirement income by several hundred dollars a month by working at this job for three years and then retiring. Which working at this job would allow you to do in three years.
Given that this is outside your "comfort zone" envelope by at least a mile, would you:
* formally apply for the position
or
* send them a nice, polite email thanking them for thinking of you but stating that you are not ready to move up the ladder at this point? (Which might kill your chances of moving up it again for a very long time.)
Saaaay.... that you've been working in a job for several years, doing well enough in it to receive very good annual evaluations. It is pretty independent, relatively easy, "not too bad" as jobs go. There are days when you stick pins in the voodoo doll of the ego-of-the-moment client, but you have good coworkers.
You receive a phone call from another division in your organization one morning. They are looking for a manager and have asked you to apply for the job. You can do easily about 1/2 the job tasks. Of the remaining, most are things you can pick up "on the fly" quickly with reasonable confidence of success. There are three major stumbling blocks to telling them you are interested:
1) You would be supervising several people (cue Aspie interpersonal skills, which aren't all that great, and a horror of supervising others)
2) You would be having to work heavily with budgets. Which you have done in the past, but which are an absolute misery as you have no sense of numbers.
3) While the pay would increase somewhat, and while it would be a promotion to a higher job grade, there would be a lot of stress involved (inherent in the job and also from the Aspie aspect of things).
On the flip side, you could increase your retirement income by several hundred dollars a month by working at this job for three years and then retiring. Which working at this job would allow you to do in three years.
Given that this is outside your "comfort zone" envelope by at least a mile, would you:
* formally apply for the position
or
* send them a nice, polite email thanking them for thinking of you but stating that you are not ready to move up the ladder at this point? (Which might kill your chances of moving up it again for a very long time.)
Nan, here's some thoughts and questions, for what they're worth.
Do a quick couple sets of assessments first:
set one) the work environment itself: are they quick to fire people they perceive as incompetent? Are they forgiving of errors, supportive of new people and people in new positions? The person leaving - can you talk to him/her and gain insights? Do they have a good "teach on the job" program in place? Will they just throw you in to sink or swim? Would you be able to ask for (and receive) assistance if necessary?
set two) do you handle stress well? Do you have an energy "reserve" built up, or are you already frazzled before you even start? Are you healthy? Is your daughter soon to be gone from the nest, and if not, will you mind not being able to spend much time with her in your final years together before she leaves the nest? Giving yourself an honest once over, do you have the capability to do the budgeting, or would that be out of your skill zone? How long would it take you to learn the skills you lack (if any)? The people you would be supervising - are they "old hands" who already know how to do their jobs, or new people that you would have to work closely with on a continual basis, and if mostly newbies, can you do that? (And if "old hands", are there people in the group who want to move up themselves who would resent your getting the promotion, and therefore resentfully "monkey wrench" you on a daily basis for 3 years?) Would you have the power to fire troublemakers?
Not too many years ago, after trying to help out several people who needed money and assistance, I discovered that in "helping" them had placed myself into BIG TIME debt. I worked two years of overtime, and that barely dented it. I finally realized that I would have to work two full time jobs 10 hours a day for 3 years with no days off to get out of debt. I made myself a sign that said "11,000 hours" and placed it on the floor near the doorway so I had to step over it and read it every single day.
The only way I knew that I could do that was to not kid myself on the front end. I knew going in that it was going to suck, and I made myself promise to dive in and keep swimming no matter how bad it got. I made myself realize that the first 6 months while learning the new job was going to be pure hell until I learned everything and came up to speed. I fully realized that I would probably be assigned the crappiest jobs in both places, and if so, I just had to take it. I realized that if either job became aware of the dire straights I was in, they would take full advantage of my bad situation and abuse me, so I made myself promise to not tell a soul that I was working both jobs. I made myself promise to do the best job possible in both places, because the fault was mine, and both places deserved a good worker. I made myself promise not to take my stress or any resulting grouchiness out on anyone, because the fault was entirely my own, and no one deserved to hear it or be the brunt of it. I realized that it was probably going to be the longest, most miserable 3 years of my life. I simplified my lifestyle beforehand to just include work, driving to and from work, doing laundry, exercising for health, studying, eating healthy food, and sleep. I knew it meant no leisure time whatsoever, no reading of books, no art, no fun. I called my family, and explained my situation, and let them know that I would not see anyone for 3 years.
The first 6 months were awful, but since I knew that going in, they were doable. My hair turned from brown, to gray, to white, to falling out in clumps, to bald in 8 months.
It's been 6 or 7 years since I went through that, but I still don't think I am fully recovered from it. I lost a lot of weight, my strength went down, I tire more easily, I can't remember things as easily or in the same volume as I used to be able to. How much of this is attributable to just being older, I do not know.
I paid off $470,000.00 in those 3 years. There was no other way to do it. It was do it or drown. Your back isn't up against any wall, not like mine was, so it may be actually harder for you to be willing to stand up to and take the crap and hassles.
Just so you know, you can make any decision the right decision if you will back it up with enough effort and energy, but 3 years can seem like 12 lifetimes - I know firsthand. Words cannot convey how hard it was to work those last three months, but I made myself work another 6 months after them just to hammer the message I needed to learn home - never help anyone to the point that it nearly kills you if they are not willing to work just as hard for themselves!! !
Only you can decide if the extra money will be worth the extra work and hassles.
Good luck, and best wishes!
Chuck
21 Mar 2008, 10:19 am
Chuck wrote:
Nan, here's some thoughts and questions, for what they're worth.
Do a quick couple sets of assessments first:
set one) the work environment itself: are they quick to fire people they perceive as incompetent? YES Are they forgiving of errors, supportive of new people and people in new positions? FOR A WHILE The person leaving - can you talk to him/her and gain insights? NO, THEY BAILED Do they have a good "teach on the job" program in place? NONE Will they just throw you in to sink or swim? ALL THE JOBS HERE ARE "SINK OR SWIM" Would you be able to ask for (and receive) assistance if necessary? YES, FROM OUTSIDE CONNECTIONS
set two) do you handle stress well? SORTA Do you have an energy "reserve" built up, or are you already frazzled before you even start? FRAZZLED Are you healthy? DEBATABLE Is your daughter soon to be gone from the nest, and if not, will you mind not being able to spend much time with her in your final years together before she leaves the nest? NO, AND YES - THAT'S THE CRITICAL VARIABLE. END OF DECISION PROCESS, DECISION IS KNOWN Giving yourself an honest once over, do you have the capability to do the budgeting, or would that be out of your skill zone? I CAN DO IT How long would it take you to learn the skills you lack (if any)? MINIMAL - A FEW MONTHS, MAYBE - EXCEPT FOR THE POLITICS THING The people you would be supervising - are they "old hands" who already know how to do their jobs, OLD HANDS or new people that you would have to work closely with on a continual basis, and if mostly newbies, can you do that? YES, BUT I WOULDN'T LIKE IT. (And if "old hands", are there people in the group who want to move up themselves who would resent your getting the promotion, and therefore resentfully "monkey wrench" you on a daily basis for 3 years? I DON'T THINK SO) Would you have the power to fire troublemakers? YES.
Not too many years ago,.... EWWWWWW. I DON'T WANT TO BE BALD.
Only you can decide if the extra money will be worth the extra work and hassles. IT'S NOT, BUT THE EARLY RETIREMENT WOULD BE. BUT NOT ENOUGH TO GIVE UP TIME WITH THE KID.
Good luck, and best wishes! THANKS, THAT WAS MOST HELPFUL. I'M CERTAIN OF MY DECISION NOW, AND THAT IT'S THE CORRECT ONE.
Chuck
Do a quick couple sets of assessments first:
set one) the work environment itself: are they quick to fire people they perceive as incompetent? YES Are they forgiving of errors, supportive of new people and people in new positions? FOR A WHILE The person leaving - can you talk to him/her and gain insights? NO, THEY BAILED Do they have a good "teach on the job" program in place? NONE Will they just throw you in to sink or swim? ALL THE JOBS HERE ARE "SINK OR SWIM" Would you be able to ask for (and receive) assistance if necessary? YES, FROM OUTSIDE CONNECTIONS
set two) do you handle stress well? SORTA Do you have an energy "reserve" built up, or are you already frazzled before you even start? FRAZZLED Are you healthy? DEBATABLE Is your daughter soon to be gone from the nest, and if not, will you mind not being able to spend much time with her in your final years together before she leaves the nest? NO, AND YES - THAT'S THE CRITICAL VARIABLE. END OF DECISION PROCESS, DECISION IS KNOWN Giving yourself an honest once over, do you have the capability to do the budgeting, or would that be out of your skill zone? I CAN DO IT How long would it take you to learn the skills you lack (if any)? MINIMAL - A FEW MONTHS, MAYBE - EXCEPT FOR THE POLITICS THING The people you would be supervising - are they "old hands" who already know how to do their jobs, OLD HANDS or new people that you would have to work closely with on a continual basis, and if mostly newbies, can you do that? YES, BUT I WOULDN'T LIKE IT. (And if "old hands", are there people in the group who want to move up themselves who would resent your getting the promotion, and therefore resentfully "monkey wrench" you on a daily basis for 3 years? I DON'T THINK SO) Would you have the power to fire troublemakers? YES.
Not too many years ago,.... EWWWWWW. I DON'T WANT TO BE BALD.
Only you can decide if the extra money will be worth the extra work and hassles. IT'S NOT, BUT THE EARLY RETIREMENT WOULD BE. BUT NOT ENOUGH TO GIVE UP TIME WITH THE KID.
Good luck, and best wishes! THANKS, THAT WAS MOST HELPFUL. I'M CERTAIN OF MY DECISION NOW, AND THAT IT'S THE CORRECT ONE.
Chuck
sinsboldly
Veteran
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
21 Mar 2008, 11:23 am
richie
Supporting Member
Joined: 9 Jan 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,142
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
21 Mar 2008, 11:40 am
sinsboldly wrote:
lurking and stimming
Merle
Merle
Me too....
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
21 Mar 2008, 12:17 pm
Me three... 
Can't sleep. Been up since last night, and my mind is racing.
sartresue
Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
21 Mar 2008, 12:43 pm
Le Cafe D'Aut-Dino topique
Je parle mal en francais! The stimming keeps me awake.
I could watch Richie's dragon all day. Sleepy's dragon relaxes me!
I am sorry you are so wound up, Hartz. I could sleep for ever. I wake to sleep. 
21 Mar 2008, 3:27 pm
Quoting Sartesue:
Quote:
I wake to sleep.
I think this is part of the signature of Professor Pretorious.
Yes it is, I checked.
"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go." ~Theodore Roethke
Last edited by cosmiccat on 21 Mar 2008, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Page 649 of 1008 [ 16118 posts ]
Go to page Previous 1 ... 646, 647, 648, 649, 650, 651, 652 ... 1008 Next
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
|
Bad hygiene and feeling embarassed
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
26 Jun 2025, 4:56 pm |
| Feeling guilt towards co-workers |
07 May 2025, 7:32 am |
| feeling lost and isolated – just reaching out for the first |
31 Dec 1969, 7:00 pm Guest
|
| feeling lost and isolated – just reaching out for the first |
31 Dec 1969, 7:00 pm Guest
|
