Peter: (awakened by raucous racket, sticks head out hidden tree-house door)
KEERIST!! ! Who are
you!?!army captain:

I am your captain, and we are your army, my Lord.
Peter:

Well. Hurumph! (twisting captain's head to writing on door) Take a gander at wot's written on my door here: "Peter ...The ...Hermit". NOWHERES on here does it say "...and ARMY". Wouldn't be much of a hermit if I was ta have an army, now would I?!?
captain:

I don't sees yer point...
Peter:
"Hermit": from the Greek ἔρημος erēmos, signifying "desert", "uninhabited", hence "desert-dweller"; adjective: "eremitic", is a person who lives to some greater or lesser degree in seclusion and/or isolation from society. I'm an Aspie fer cryin' out loud!
captain:

...there is NO desert near here, my Liege.
We are in a
forest.
Peter:

Hmmmmm.... Tell you wot. I can't be very well secluded with 10,000 troops milling about. Why don't you and your men mosey down to Cologne, sack the bibliotheque, and return the books to me. ...But leave one of those cannons, ...I want to test a theory I have concerning parabolic function.... ...right. Now, ...off with you! Go! Off you go!! ! Off I say!! !
My god what have we done to you? You were so quiet and good when you came here out of the cold cold harsh world and look what has happened.