The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I think that AA and some councilors are locked into the hype and can over reach with what they define as an alcoholic. It's like some of them are on a holy crusade. You know that old, nothing like a reformed drunk thing. Cripes I've seen many that would have fit the bill they present and they just plain weren't, but in the strictest sense of their definition they were. I was, no doubt about it, and I even knew it while i drank myself to death at some point. I was under no illusion, but at the root of it, I had no real idea why I was doing it.

Now, for the most part I think I have it figured out and just stick with the "just say no", don't pick it up to begin with. Hell I hate the feeling now. For some it works, it is a drug, the only reason it isn't used as one by the big pharmaceutical company's is they can't regulate it and they are still trying. It never treats you exactly the same from day to day and even if it did for me, it wouldn't for someone else. I was seriously stumped when I was asked that by a guy many many years ago, why don't they use it as a drug. Man that guy was sharp, he told me way back then I was self medicating and I didn't know what he meant by that either. But people do and can drink, I just can't. And I still believe it saved my life, had to make it to a point some years ago when I stopped (I don't keep count) and I have some serious doubts if I would have.

He also asked me how I think other people perceive me and I didn't know. Now mind you this wasn't the full blown drunk I became. I just did not know and couldn't answer him. Yeah he was a sharp one.

alright.

Merle

We'd be very slack not to have one, I reckon.

I had an uncle who reached the point (after he retired) of finishing off a fifth of bourbon before dinnertime. My aunt finally moved them to a cabin out in the woods in Washington, and wouldn't even install a telephone line until he dried out. He's feeling much better now...

I also have the example of my older brother (not the cop, the other one), who is incapable of relaxing unless he has a few beers. Not a beer - a minimum of three per evening. If denied that, he gets quite cranky and unpleasant.

Given these examples, I've avoided gaining the habit myself (and tried to stay away from other addictions as well, although caffeine has its hooks deep in me). I don't use the Net as an addiction - I use it as a stim, to calm myself when I'm roiled, and as part of the daily routine (I cycle through about five sites on a regular basis, and read six webcomics whenever I remember). I mean, it's bad enough that I have to hand over some control of my life to society, in order to live in it - I'm not about to give more control over to a batch of recreational chemicals, especially chemicals that don't have my best interests at heart.

One of the interesting things about alcohol to me is that I think it made more more NT. NOt just when I was actually drinking,(I often only got drunk on the weekends or went on an occassional few week bender). I think it surpressed the child I used to be...

I had more need to be around people
I had obsessive interests but they were darker...suicide,sex,darker side of humans
I was more interested in how humans "worked"
I didn't "stim" as much (except dancing,drinking,smoking,sex compulssive reading...all NT exceptable stims)


Within the first two years of sobriety, I returned to my childhood interests...biking,rocks, making stuff. I became more detached and uninterested in humans in general and although lonely...realized that being with people didn't make me feel less lonely but MORE lonely. I still tried to be around people because my counclers and AA said it was inparitive to my mental health and avoiding it was causing my depression. It took me quit a while to realize that the opposite was true for me. I was more depressed when I forced myself to socialize instead of spending my time in my interests. That is why I am convinced that most concepts of "healthy human psychology" is based on an NT model that does not take AS mind into account.


Morning After....Not taking a drop of alcohol is not proof that you are not an alcoholic any more then not eating shrimp means you are not alergic to sheel fish. Until you do it....you never know. I was never going to drink because it was against my religion and no one in my adopted family drank. I had seen drunk people and thought they were stuipider then usual, so why would I do that to myself? When my parents kicked me out I was very angry at them and (using 16 year old logic) decided if they were going to reject me, I would reject everything they stood for. I drank out of anger and lonliness and found that it allowed me to be around people and feel less detached from them...that is powerful medicine. I did not becme an alcoholic, I was born an alcoholic. I think it almost killed me but I also wonder if it didn't also keep me alive. It was the only thing that connected me at all to any humans, the only time people let me in. Had I not had that minnimal connection, I don't think anything would have kept me anchored to this world until I could mature enough to make my own reason to be here.

:( I was going to keep to myself this week in the hopes that i would get over something sooner if I just hung out by myself. I don't think that's going to work and because I have talked about my border collie, Pongo, from the time I started here I wanted to share the last chapter in my life with him.

Pongo was rescued from an abusive situation when he was 10 weeks old. Because of that, he had serious issues with anxiety and submissiveness. When I first got him there were a couple occasions were he bit (pinched more like it) my kids with his teeth for no apparent reason, but over time he got a little better. For some reason, however, that pinching turned into skin-breaking biting over the past few months. As he got more confidence, he became more aggressive. When my ex left, he became calmer and I thought that with the stress of someone treating him badly gone from his life he may have gotten over the biting.

When I took the two dogs to the veterinarian yesterday for their annual check-up, Pongo attacked the vet, biting him in the face and just missing his eye. The vet had simply reached out to stroke his back. The bite marks were deep. Seeing as how it was the first time Pongo had bit an adult, the severity of the bite and the fact that he never gives warning before he bites which makes him dangerous, I had a very hard decision that I had to make.

After much deliberation and a whole lot of tears, I had Pongo euthanized this morning. No amount of affection, training, or hoping for a miracle could fix him and I would have been devastated if he had maimed, disabled or killed a person. I never want to have to make a decision like that again. If he had been ill, or an all-round nasty dog it would have been easier.

So, if I am quieter or more serious than usual, that would be why. I will miss that pain in my butt.

Hello all!

DeaconBlue I was about to send a search party out. The musicians you've chosen for the party -incredible..but dangerous. Too many of our members will be transfixed and forget small talk!

I hope he is now at peace, but it is a lonely time for those who hold him in their hearts.

Lauri
I never really know what to say when this happens. I've had to do it way more then ever seems fair. I think it's unfair that they live shorter lives than we do anyway. So, I'll sit here for a while and remember my lost loves and feel the pain. Please know now that I'm doing the best I can to be with your family, at least in heart and spirit. You'll have to pardon me if I giggle from time to time, I can't ever remember them without the good times too.

small talk? why would we want to small talk?


Merle

Because we might get to know each other better. And I might fall head over heals for you.

small talk? why would we want to small talk?