The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)
Sleepydragon wrote:

For most of our life together, my friends have always been my husband's friends. I never had my own friends, so I made do with his, and took to a few of them, or I should say, to the wives or girlfriends of his friends. However, one hilarious incident sticks out in my mind, and your quote above, Sleepy, brought it to mind.
Back in the early days of the Woman's Movement and consciousness raising groups I met a woman who lived nearby. She belonged to a different group and I didn't know a lot about her but we kind of hit it off because we were both interested in art. Shortly after we met we went to Philadelphia together by train to a gallery owned by a female artist friend of hers. A week later she phoned me and asked if she could use our yard to have a cook-out party for a group of her friends. She lived in an apartment and had no yard. It was to be held on the Memorial Day weekend. I had never invited a group of people over who were not my husband's friends. I ran the idea past my husband. He was okay with it and helped me get the yard ready and set up the BBQ grill and cleaned the pool. I was very excited at having an event for "my own" friends. The day arrived, and about an hour and a half into the party I realized that all of my friend's friends were lesbians. What a riot.



ref: clothes/dressing ...oh ditto ditto ditto! me too i had this one; when i was younger and richer i used to play up to the wacky style approach, looking deliberately more colourful and bright and floaty and bohemian.
Then i got older and poorer and i depended on charity-shops/second-hand shops which meant that i looked heaps weirder, but by then i rarely had a regular job either. But I still had colour style so it worked.
But oh horror sometime in the last 10-12 years i lost my enjoyment of wearing colours, mainly because I have become fussier about the colours; the really beautiful ( unmuddy/non-violent/clear ) ones are rare or expensive, so all i can find/want to wear is black and grey and bits of white, so my essentially "mannish"/asexual style, of baggy trousers/plain leggings, huge tops and uncluttered/classic/severe lines has become very apparent.
I used to wear colourful jewellery too, but can't bear to anymore. Nor scarves and all the other "bits" that make one so much more "acceptable". And heels... ... impossible, so certain kinds of clothing has always been out of the question, because don't go with big wide chunky flatties.
Yes, i received comments too, in several jobs, about various aspects of my clothing, ( trousers, colourful shirts, shoes, socks, etc), although I was always clean, and in my opinion attractive/stylish within the means at my disposition anyway!!
ref: lesbian invasion:... when i was actively lesbian and with a girlfriend we went with a friend of mine to a party she had been invited to by colleagues. I went in a long black dress and almost shaved head, and my partner in short bleached haircut and leather pilot's jacket etc.
We were approached in one room by a woman who had been drinking and plucked up courage to tell us that her husband wouldn't let her out of the house on her own because he said she was too unstable etc. She started crying because she said he had separated her from a dear ( female) friend of hers.
The husband gathered support to have us removed from his wife's presence; we were considered to be dangerously influencing a fragile woman, and apparently most people there found us "alarming".
We tried to contact the woman afterwards; a friend experienced in counselling suggested we prepare a letter beforehand with useful tel numbers for abused wives, because she said we wouldn't be allowed to see her, ..and we weren't. She didn't dare let us in the house and pretended we were someone else at the door, so we just handed her the letter and left.
We were approached in one room by a woman who had been drinking and plucked up courage to tell us that her husband wouldn't let her out of the house on her own because he said she was too unstable etc. She started crying because she said he had separated her from a dear ( female) friend of hers.
The husband gathered support to have us removed from his wife's presence; we were considered to be dangerously influencing a fragile woman, and apparently most people there found us "alarming".
We tried to contact the woman afterwards; a friend experienced in counselling suggested we prepare a letter beforehand with useful tel numbers for abused wives, because she said we wouldn't be allowed to see her, ..and we weren't. She didn't dare let us in the house and pretended we were someone else at the door, so we just handed her the letter and left.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z04r_tlWdRs[/youtube]
I've never been good with mornings. In seventh grade, I was usually half-asleep during first-period English class. As a result, a rumor started that I was an alcoholic, and was coming to class drunk. When the rumor finally got back to me, I came to class one morning with an empty, carefully-washed wine bottle filled with cherry Fla-Vor-Aid (we were too broke for Kool-Aid). I did stop by and let the teacher know what was going on before sitting down - and every so often, during class, I'd sneak a sip of red liquid from this wine bottle...

When someone asked, I actually let them have a drink. I kind of wish I'd had the guts back then to tell them that the red liquid was human blood - I bet they'd have bought it, too!
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Sodium is a metal that reacts explosively when exposed to water. Chlorine is a gas that'll kill you dead in moments. Together they make my fries taste good.
We were approached in one room by a woman who had been drinking and plucked up courage to tell us that her husband wouldn't let her out of the house on her own because he said she was too unstable etc. She started crying because she said he had separated her from a dear ( female) friend of hers.
The husband gathered support to have us removed from his wife's presence; we were considered to be dangerously influencing a fragile woman, and apparently most people there found us "alarming".
We tried to contact the woman afterwards; a friend experienced in counselling suggested we prepare a letter beforehand with useful tel numbers for abused wives, because she said we wouldn't be allowed to see her, ..and we weren't. She didn't dare let us in the house and pretended we were someone else at the door, so we just handed her the letter and left.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4[/youtube]
_________________
Sodium is a metal that reacts explosively when exposed to water. Chlorine is a gas that'll kill you dead in moments. Together they make my fries taste good.

That is a lovely song, and clip.

And I know that i should know who it is , but I don't.



Sorry, should have said. The singer is Gary Jules, covering (and, IMO, vastly improving) the original version by Tears For Fears. Jules covered it for the soundtrack of the movie Donnie Darko.
_________________
Sodium is a metal that reacts explosively when exposed to water. Chlorine is a gas that'll kill you dead in moments. Together they make my fries taste good.
FIRST BIKE RIDE of the year on Earth Day (how apropo) Did 24 miles alltogether, but man, does my butt hurt. It was beautiful out, still a few icy spots on the trails but I'll live. I'm SO happy!! !! ! Gonna go ride some more today, while Mini-Reika is at school. I only have a month to ride while shes at school and then I have to pay a babysitter (her older sister, the only person I really trust w/ her)) to watch her while I ride.
Gonna ride in the "Walk and Roll for Hope" in May, its not very far (the bike ride part) but its for the foundation where I get her grants from so I want to give back something. My only problem is I seem to be unable to ask people to sponsor me. I just get all tounge-tied when I think of asking someone. Two of the girls from work put in money w/out me having to ask, but thats the only sponsers I have.
When my boss saw me (78 year old Greek Man) he asked me what was wrong, and I told him my butt hurt, he just smiled and said "Vasilene" He always makes me laugh. Its like his mission, I love him for caring if I ever laugh or not.
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If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Lau: "But where would they put their feet?" Postpaleo: "Up their ass."
sinsboldly
Veteran

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
We were approached in one room by a woman who had been drinking and plucked up courage to tell us that her husband wouldn't let her out of the house on her own because he said she was too unstable etc. She started crying because she said he had separated her from a dear ( female) friend of hers.
The husband gathered support to have us removed from his wife's presence; we were considered to be dangerously influencing a fragile woman, and apparently most people there found us "alarming".
We tried to contact the woman afterwards; a friend experienced in counselling suggested we prepare a letter beforehand with useful tel numbers for abused wives, because she said we wouldn't be allowed to see her, ..and we weren't. She didn't dare let us in the house and pretended we were someone else at the door, so we just handed her the letter and left.

I remember trying to 'rescue' a young woman I met when working at a 'naked encounter studio' in San Francisco in the 70's. I was way over my head here but when I went home with her once I could see she had a very controlling boyfriend and her boyfriends boyfriend was also controlling her saying things like " Rachel, we told you to bring home other girls from work so they can join us, why are you bringing home ret*ds?" "Rachel, come here, you have not made me contented, didn't you promise you would bring home girls from work?" and Rachel would say in a monotone, "yes, yes you did and I promised" At that time, I was being beaten by my own husband, and there was not much notice of this sort of behaviour. I tried to get her to come home with me, but I could not keep her where I lived and she had no place else to go and neither did I.
thank goodness things are available for battered women these days! It still happens but it is not so culturely OK anymore.
Merle
I can remember being shocked though, because it was 1990, and I thought that oppression of that sort was a thing of the past, but then it was only two years since I had become conscious of feminism, as something of earth shattering relevance to my life.
I was about 20 years behind the times myself.
And very angry afterwards because the friend whose colleagues they were refused to say anything about it to the guy, her colleague, or put pressure on him to allow his wife to meet up with her etc. ( we lived in another town hundreds of miles away so we couldn't do much more about it after the visit) She said that our "behaviour", which was just to be visible lesbians and listen sympathetically and believingly to this wife's story, had already caused enough of a stink/tension in the dept already.
richie
Supporting Member

Joined: 9 Jan 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,142
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania

Gonna ride in the "Walk and Roll for Hope" in May, its not very far (the bike ride part) but its for the foundation where I get her grants from so I want to give back something. My only problem is I seem to be unable to ask people to sponsor me. I just get all tounge-tied when I think of asking someone. Two of the girls from work put in money w/out me having to ask, but thats the only sponsers I have.
When my boss saw me (78 year old Greek Man) he asked me what was wrong, and I told him my butt hurt, he just smiled and said "Vasilene" He always makes me laugh. Its like his mission, I love him for caring if I ever laugh or not.
We finally have some nice weather for the weekend coming....in the 80s..So I'm looking forward to my first ride on the Rail-trail
for this year....
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Life! Liberty!...and Perseveration!!.....
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I had a coworker who took a call pretending to be me. He was on call and I needed to leave. I had tried to tell him I had to leave, but then he pulled that.
I was in the middle of typing this and he called to apologize. But still I was wondering what do you guys do when you feel a little harassed or bullied, at work or whatever?
oh, **** yes! The woman I sat across from for 18 months at my current job in the Southern office would hiss at me from time to time when her disgust of my presence got too much for her to bear. Every now and then she would lob a snarky zinger across the low partition between our desks. Everyone knew she detested me, but frankly no one takes on a bully in an office setting, especially management, no one wants to be on the excruciatingly correct butt end of her campaigns against whom ever.
she just spread her hateful little vibe everywhere and I transfered to another city and my desk mate on the other side transfered to the training department. From what I hear, she is just as snide to the people that took over our spots.
Also sitting in training I got slammed in the head with a foam stress toy thrown by a guy that wanted out of the contract and was sure I would rat him out, he would be let go and the rest of the fawning training group would hate me forever for getting 'little Nicholas' fired. I didn't say anything and he was fired later anyway for incompetence.
And then in a follow up training two other CSS's eyes met and rolled with great significance when I found myself asking questions too often .
Oh, yes, yes, there are harassers and bullies everywhere, and that is just in my current job. They smell a victim, they mistake kindness for weakness and they can spot a 'ret*d' a mile away.
Merle
You sound like you just ignore it. Me, I would probably be talking to the managment, at least.
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