The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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I skipped mandatory law lectures today and headed for Murfreesboro.

Dr. Grandin's humorous lecture was much better than law lectures, and I thoroughly enjoyed it - lots of practical advice, mostly directed towards parents and teachers of autistic/Asperger kids. The audience was largely "special needs" school teachers, evidenced by a show of hands. I noticed that she is fairly tall, about the same height as my mom was. She mentioned during her lecture that she would have been unable to present her lecture without the use of a tricyclic antidepressant drug, which she uses to control her anxiety. After her presentation, I gave her my email address in case she needed help making dose adjustments (or any other medical assistance I could help her with). She signed my copy of her book The Way I See It, which was nice of her to do.

The second speaker was a 43 year old woman with Asperger's named Jennifer Myers, who lectured on life skills for people with autism. Several times I almost laughed out loud during her lecture, relating to most incidents she brought up concerning her life while growing up with Asperger's. Like me, she was a hyperfocuser who tuned out the world, which got her into all sorts of trouble at school and elsewhere.

Both she and Dr. Grandin described how miserable their high school experience was. Jennifer's mom told her: "School is the most abnormal, unnatural state - based only on 1). sameness of age and 2). geographic location. People you will relate to are of all ages, and will be found all over the world." Good advice, eh? Her mom also told her (when she was 7 years old) that each person goes through three phases of life: childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. She said, "The first two are just "pass through" phases that you aren't good at anyway, so lets just concentrate on moving you on to adulthood, where you already fit in." So she let her volunteer time at a nursing home with elderly patients, where her Fred Astaire perseveration could be shared with people who knew who he was.

I found one part of her lecture amusing - her dad explained facial expressions to her while she watched TV. She asked, "Guess which great Aspie TV show was on for me to learn facial expressions from when I was a kid?" The audience yelled: "Sesame Street!". She said, "Heck no!! ! Sesame street puppets' facial expressions never change!" Her dad taught her facial expression meaning while they watched Star Trek together. She said, "Of course, Spock never did anything different except raise an eyebrow, so I learned facial expressions from Captain Kirk. And I had no idea how badly he was overacting, so I had no idea that I also was." Then, in perfect "Captain Kirk speak" and "Captain Kirk distressed face" mimic she said, "Mom - why - did you - wash - my blankie?" I may be the only Aspie in the world who did not like Star Trek. But I did watch one show one time. She was dead-on perfect Kirk.

The advice I personally took home from both of these lecturers was this: there are jobs for people who cannot speak, there are jobs for visual thinkers, there are jobs for handicaps of all sorts. But there is no job for someone who blows up in a fit of rage when confronted with a problem. It doesn't matter how smart or skilled you are, an outburst can get you fired and placed on a "do not hire" list pronto. They said the most important life skill Aspies can learn is to keep their mouth shut and keep their cool when dealing with their boss or with a customer, especially when the Aspie in question has just been challenged on something that they know is right. Their advice - don't argue.

At work I have never blown up in a fit of rage, but I have argued. Not in a mean way, but I let my side be known. If they said I was wrong, I followed up ASAP with references and studies that proved my side of the argument. (I'm sure this was a result of a lifetime of being called stupid.) I felt I had to prove myself. Additionally, on hindsight, it was probably not a good thing for me to have called my boss a dumbass. I guess its a lucky thing that I have never been fired. (Good thing that dumbass actually needed my help.)

This will be easier for me now than it would have been when I was younger. I don't care what anyone's opinion of me is any more. I decided that from here out, I'll just keep my mouth shut and behave. Like they said - pick your battles; let small stuff slide.

I didn't stay for the last lecturer's presentation - it was advice for parents of kids with autism. Hopefully, I won't be having any kids at this stage of the game! (There's those necessary sex/relationship/adoption/sperm donation prerequisites which ought to preclude that particular outcome.)

(Maybe I'd better attend mandatory lectures from now on as well. )

Nah! Just go to the important lectures.

If you want to bet no one will, I'm sure Ladbrokes would offer 100 to 1 or more betting the opposite. If you want to bet whether it will be legal, well, most people will say it's a disability. Who could possibly want it, unless it's so addled their brains that they don't know better? There'll be little political profit in saying anything else than that. Add to this that many parents seem to fear autism as much as cancer. Simon Baron-Cohen is one of the few dissenting voices.

SwampBlossom came home with a new shirt for me today. I guess because I asked her to see if my elbows where sticking out or if the shirt I have on was starting to wear thin in that general area the other night. It doesn't feel good when they start to stick out, so I was thinking patches before it happened. Nice new shirt, nice weight, looks comfy, colors match my mood, and I asked her why she did it. She said, she was tired of me looking like a prohaj (soft j), which is Polish for white trailer trash. Spelling is off, she never saw it written, just how it was used in her first marriage, in laws and all of that stuff. Won't take me long to break that shirt in right either. I didn't put up an argument, wouldn't have done any good, sometimes you just have to let them have their way with you, I guess.

Domahsh (sounds like it) is another she uses on me, daydreams. But none of the words are translating right on line, so spelling and the area in Poland probably making the difference and probably some slang in there.



"It ought to be illegal for an artist to marry. If the artist must marry let him find someone more interested in art, or his art, or the artist part of him, than in him. After which let them take tea together three times a week."
~Ezra Pound

But bare this in mind, he hooked with two at the same time.

I'm no artist, but I do meet SwampBlossom for coffee every now and again. A third in the relationship? It's been discussed. I kind of doubt it, but I never say never, unless I say never again and then I probably will anyway. Although I do find myself a little bit more at ease with the celibate life now. Drugs help.

That's been my modus operandi. Seven years ago I attended a mandatory company meeting. My boss handed out fly swatters on which he had embossed "Stop Shrink!" ("shrink" being wasted materials/time/effort). Then he and his boss (and several other layers of bosses) acted out a skit in which they chased each other around with fly swatters, while a bad sound system played inexplicable music in the background. While it did resemble Japanese Butoh death dancing (substitute old, pointy-haired, rotund men in suits)...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8V-KMDWe_Q
...I finally realized without a doubt that I worked for a company led by morons.

I got up, walked out, and sold all my company stock. Which proved fortuitous, as the stock promptly tanked, and has never recovered. Luckily, I recognize a death dance when I see one.

I did have the opportunity to use my "Stop Shrink" flyswatter on my psychiatrist, so that prop has proven useful.

Now I only attend mandatory meetings when I need a laugh. When they (stupidly) mention that I have failed to attend yet another mandatory meeting (as if I don't already know?!? ) I remind them that I'm "stopping shrink", and that they should just shoot me emails containing meeting highlights instead.

However, I admit there really would be no way to do the "Stop Shrink" skit justice in an email.

Last edited by Chuck on 28 Feb 2009, 4:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

I noticed at the seminar Dr. Grandin made a point of saying that they had better not "cure autism", or the world will lose all its favorite geek toys, like cell phones. She showed a slide of a the cover of a book about Einstein and other prominent people on the spectrum, and what they have contributed to society, which was written in an effort to boost the esteem of children on the spectrum. She said that people ought to read the book before deciding to eliminate future people with autism. The Aspie speaker also denounced cure. So did the host of the seminar. I heard a few of the teachers in the audience agree, and witnessed several small groups break into anti-cure discussions during breaks.

But I also noticed that most people in the audience sat and said nothing.

I'm betting you are correct regarding what will actually happen.

This is probably my "style" as well. I base my wardrobe on "comfortable feel" rather than "stylish look". I may look frumpy, but I'm happy! Didn't know it had a name. Prohaj! Sounds sort of uppity. Now if someone mentions my clothes, I shall affect an upper crust air, look down my nose, say: "It's prohaj.", and walk off.

Postie, Postie, Postie. You trend setter you.

I shall be wearing my prohaj to today's and tomorrow's mandatory meetings. The better to sleep in.
(Hopefully, my bosses will swat, beat, and maul each other in today's skits as well. Maybe they will finish each other off. One can dream.)

I like the "derelicte" look as seen in Zoolander.

I lolz at your description of your obese pointy headed men doing the death dance. Just wanted to tell you, Chuck, you took your money out of the stocks at a good time. Our vast and far reaching insurance company just dropped a certain pharmacy company b/c they were too grasping to our members. . .
just sayin'. . .

Merle

Have only read this page - am so far behind - but my husband is called the shiek of geek. Now Merle has renamed it the ... um ... help Merle

um..chique of geek.

Lurking... and stimming.... as usual....

I said I was the CHIC of Geek. . .

Merle

We had a meeting at work today....We are getting hit with a furlough everyone will be off this Thursday and Friday and then half of production will be out for the week of Mar 9-13 (myself included) and the other half out
for the week of Mar 16 - 20. Then we should have 12 weeks of uninterrupted production. The possibility of
four day work-weeks and lay-offs is still looming on the horizon....

Me is not a happy Dino right now.....

Yeah, Richie, I hear ya. We've had that one looming over our heads for a while, except ours is a cut of a day a week for the forseeable future. So far they've managed to shuffle funds around, and they're not replacing anyone who quits, and it's been enough to cover us all.

But... thankfully we're not under the direct line of command from the governator or I'd already be down 10% of my paycheck. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but it'd put me at the make-or-break level where I'd have to start doing some rather massive priority reorganization. Which I could do, have done before, but don't want to have to do. Hope the kid gets a job soon - having two incomes would certainly give us more of a buffer than just two people living on what I bring home....

Maybe it'll pick up some for you in the summer, Richie, when people start thinking about revitalizing their homes instead of buying new ones? (you work in a window place, right? or has my memory totally fried out??)

Hang on the Dow closed well below the 7000 mark today, knew it would, given a bit more time. They got nervous when it went below 8000, 7500 and they got concerned 7000 and they were bordering on panic. It dropped faster into the 6000's then even I thought it would in a given day. Watch that second number it might get a hell of a lot rougher very soon and pray like hell the crops don't fail. I don't know what that next number will be (gut feeling and it will be a while yet, still time to head it off, if they get their f*****g heads out of their asses and it's way beyond the housing problem now) and there will be no place to run when it hits and I don't care if you have a label after your name. Just all sorts of cheerful aren't I? It's the world and we've all had more then our fair share of it. We're survivors, don't forget it. Oh and, there will still be banks, the f*****g idiots.

They moved troops to the boarder with Mexico, very very damned dangerous and I don't mean what's happening in Mexico. That should not be a Federal Army job, we are not at war with Mexico, period. Dangerous precedent, not that hasn't happened before. But they will protect the banks, count on it. And they may well do it with our wonderful professional Army, god what a stupid move.

When the DOW started going south in October, I waited to see if it might slow. When it continued a fast plunge in November, I transferred all my stock mutual funds into bond funds. A lucky move, but I didn't act fast enough, and I still got bit. I talked to friends who watch these things closely - they all predict a bottom no lower than 5,000, but of course, everyone is just guessing. I follow my own gut, but listen to a few people who predicted a stock plunge last summer. Most of these guys say the market will be rough all of 2009. A few say they think things will begin to improve within 6 months. One guy says we are in for bad times for over a decade. With a spread of predictions that wide, one may as well say anything is possible!

Like Postie says, we are survivors. I have no idea what will transpire, don't pretend to, but when the US is doing dumb to the degree it has lately, I think it would be wise to polish up our "dodge ball" skills. I have always had to depend upon myself, and knew if I lost one job, I would have to be my own safety net. So I always work several part-time jobs that I can expand into full-time jobs if necessary. This would be a good time to work a part-time job in addition to a regular job if possible. Working 70 to 100 hours a week is no fun, but you get used to it.

I can say that each of us will zig and zag to the best of our abilities. Even if we won't be so lucky as to cross the minefield unscathed, we will go on, bruised butts notwithstanding. Good luck to all!