I'm new and I am blatantly crying out for help

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It can be overwhelming at times, when negative things start stacking up. But if you can break the whole situation up into smaller pieces/issues, they are usually not so difficult to manage. The main thing at this point is to dig in your heals against the backwards movement and try to make the shift to moving in a positive direction. If you lead with your mind your body will follow. People tend to cycle in and out here, but its likely that at any time there are probably a few that have been in very similar situations to ones you are experiencing and might be able to share some thoughts or at least commiseration. There are many sections of road (in life) that can only be traveled in single file, alone. Mutual support can not be underestimated however and has power of itself.

So true, Toy Soldier. With support, validation, time and hope there is almost nothing that we can't recover from when things go badly for us.

Thank you Nik :) I have heard gluten could be a problem, and it's probably time to try going gluten-free. I've just been hesitating because my diet is usually so rich in gluten D: which is not a good reason, haha. But I bet I could convince my mum to try it too and we could do it together.

My mum always tells me to break things down into smaller pieces. I have a "big picture" problem, its like I can "only" see the entirety of everything, and it's so overwhelming and astronomical and I'm so tiny and powerless - it's hard for me to "zoom in" on the relevant information. Maybe that's part of the reason why it takes so long for me to adjust to a new lifestyle, because in the scope of my entire life, the past couple of years are pretty small and insignificant (but they shouldn't be, not when it's such a turn for the better!).

I can tell that I am slowly getting better. I have the courage to tell my (wonderful) bf when he has done something that hurt my feelings, so we can talk about it. Instead of just suffering in silence like my abusers "taught" me. I'm changing from an abuse victim into a whole person with agency and self-respect. Sssssslllloooowwwllllyyyyy.

You go girl! Good for you.

thank you. everyone has been so kind and helpful.

OP, I understand what you are going through. The world can be cold and unforgiving. I know the feeling of being alone and feeling worthless. What I have learned over the years is that you are in control your thoughts and feelings. There are alot f**ked people out there but don't let get to you. Be strong and keep pushing foward. You are no worse than anyone else.

Remember AS is barrier not a death sentence.

There's an old saying: When it rains it rains on everyone.

hi. just trying to help because i too am in a really bad place. i was granted disability for major depression several years ago. i just got my aspergers diagnosis a month ago. anyway, you need a lawyer to get disability. i applied myself twice and was rejected. then i called a lawyer and i told him straight up that he would have to do all the paperwork if he wanted to get paid. and he did. all i had to do was show a few times to sign some papers. there was no payment up front. he just took a small percentage of the back-pay that was due because it still took two years with a lawyer.

I tend to usually see the big picture when I think and approach tasks as well. I always tell people, I'm probably going to be way ahead of myself and not even realize it, so sorry in advance, it's never anything personal!

I have a hard time tuning in on specifics that need to be addressed in the moment. Sometimes it makes people think I'm not listening to them, when it isn't the case :/

You seem like a sweetheart OP, hang in there, things will slowly get better, just keep being your lovely self and everything will go smoothly ^_^

thank you all for your support, it is a great source of strength for me right now. I think I am just going to go ahead and try to get a lawyer. It's a whole other set of hurdles for me (socially I mean, there's going to be the person who answers the phone, the lawyer, possibly a cab driver, and who knows how many other new people involved :S ), but it seems like this option may protect my feelings somewhat from some of the criticism or maybe...(ah what word do I want?)...suspicion of lying? that I expect to face as a natural result of the process (I am very very sensitive to suggestions that I am making things up or being deceitful, and I have for as long as I can remember). I am afraid that it will be so bad that I won't be able to complete the process, so I think I'd better just get a lawyer to be safe.

It doesn't help that I know for a fact that my involuntary responses, true emotional expressions, and when I speak plainly are always perceived by others as "fake" (I don't know why this is, but I know it to be true), so I wonder if I should be sort of "acting" so that people will find me to be more believable. I have done that several times and it always seems to work out okay, but it makes me very nervous and tires me out, and it makes me feel sort of disappointed in myself or something, like I actually AM lying, even though I'm "acting" out the truth.