Is life more difficult for Aspie women?

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9CatMom
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12 Mar 2007, 10:27 pm

Yes and no.

Women have it easier in some ways because they are expected to be more studious than athletic. On the other hand, women are expected to be more in touch with their feelings and emotions.



sinsboldly
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12 Mar 2007, 10:58 pm

Apatura wrote:
Yes and no... I think it's true that intelligent women (AS or not) are discriminated against, but this is becoming less pronounced as society "evolves."

But, since it's still very acceptable for a woman to live off her husband (as opposed to the reverse) or even to remain dependent on her parents, I think there's less pressure on women to find a job and have to deal with the NT world. Not to say that there's NO pressure, but it's not nearly as bad as it is for men. If I had to work to support a family I would just be crushed by the stress of it. And often for men, the inability to support a family means never having one. But a woman can still get away with being the homemaker/ mother, and have a family that way.



there is just so many things I want to say to you Apatura, but I don't want to be ungentle, I don't wish to be unkind. It probably IS easier for daughters of living parents, for fertile women that can have children, that can bind a man to them who will support them. Unfortunately that does not include all of us, and it crushes me, every day, Apatura, tje stress of making my own living crushes me a little more every day and some day I will be all crushed by it.

Merle


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Sophrosyne
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13 Mar 2007, 2:20 am

Always thought my gender allowed me to escape the bullying and other cruelties I have witnessed being done to quiet, and seemingly socially oblivious males...



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13 Mar 2007, 2:45 am

It is the norm for people to make safe bets. Same class, religion, race, without defect, because they are looking at raising children.

They are willing to overlook personality defects, like dumber than a post, if the rest works.

Smart people are seen as unpredictable. An IQ of 115 is questionable. They had better have a lot of the other points. An IQ of 135 is a disorder, not within the order of things. They used to be few and could be found around universities. Many a very bright woman has been the town liberian, never speaking, never married, directly home, and living with books. A bright man might fix clocks and watches, again never speaking.

Highly intelligent with social functioning problems used to be locked up.

Now we let anyone run the streets. Male and female they ask why people do not just treat them like everyone else. Because you are different. Duh!

You do have to be tolerated, we cannot staff math departments without, or keep the computers running, but there is a biological fear of you. There is a reason for it. The world has long known that your kind spawn children who only sit and rock. Back room kids.

Normal families fear you, and when two of you get together, like what is happening in Austin, Silicon Valley, Redmond, lots of auties is the result.

A normal IQ is 80 to 120, very few on the ends. I think the mid point of the curve around here is 150, with a range of 130 to 170. I see some evidence of another curve with a 200 mid point.

There are lots of theorys, but the truth has not changed. My grandmother told me I was smart enough for two, so I should marry a girl who was dim. When the old south speaks of breeding, they have learned from animals. To much of any one thing is bad. Defects were smothered with a pillow.

Morons and aspies have been culled for thousands of years. We know the autie percentage now, but look for them in records of earlier times, there were no institutions. They died in childhood.

I survived by luck. A few more for being first born, and then an only child.

You are the first generation that generally survived. I hear people speaking of their flaws, not understanding social cues, lack of expression, odd gestures, panic in groups, meltdowns.

No one ever mentions that we give off vibes that weird them out just by existing. We do not understand them, nor they us. Maybe if we were the janitor, but we are developing the IT.

It is a very deep human fear to be overcome, by say the Mongols. Many fought to the death, some killed their familes, to avoid falling under the control of different people.

We are worse. We touch much deeper fears. Look at us, an IQ 50% higher, mastery of technologies they can not comprehend, even with education, while we are naturals. The classic movie was, "Invasion of the Body Snachers." Since you are aspie I will explain it. The creatures that replaced humans were stronger, healthier, smarter, had their own means of comunication, some Internet thing, and those who merged with them were much happier. They brought order to life. They were the BAD GUYS. People in the theater screamed.

Now they are living that movie. Now you are hitting on them for a date, want to have my pod?

We come across like vampires, we do not feed on each other, like carriers of a recessive we can smell it in another, aspie girls won't date me. We look for outside blood to feed on. They are our prey.



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13 Mar 2007, 2:50 am

My IQ is 126, where would that put me?

Tim


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9CatMom
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13 Mar 2007, 8:59 am

I think I'm destined for the stereotypical role as the bookish, crazy cat lady. Oh, well. There are worse things.



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13 Mar 2007, 7:10 pm

Tim_Tex,

where you always have been, an outcast. Since you are closer to the world than us it might help with gathering prey. 126 is overall, so there are peaks, 100 in one place, 150 in another, at least part of you fits the criteria.

In the Old Days, Bookish meant aspie. As for your familiers, there were words for that too. Do you live in a Gingerbread house?



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15 Mar 2007, 11:59 am

9CatMom wrote:
I think I'm destined for the stereotypical role as the bookish, crazy cat lady.


(Who is really a sweetheart underneath her gruff-ness.)


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sinsboldly
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15 Mar 2007, 7:37 pm

9CatMom wrote:
I think I'm destined for the stereotypical role as the bookish, crazy cat lady.


Did you know there was a 'back story' episode of The Simpsons (a favorite here in The States for it's trenchant wit and scathing satire) of the 'crazy incoherent cat lady" charactor. They went through her dump of a house and found her Diplomas from Harvard (that even the English have heard about, I have no doubt) and Pulitzer Prizes with her name on them and a set of Law Review Books with gilded edges. (Letters from Jack Kennedy with OO and XX at the signature was MY favorite!) So I immediately thought "ASPIE!!"

and of course, Lisa is Aspie, it is so obvious.

Merle


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AspieDoug
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15 Mar 2007, 9:34 pm

Each gender has its own challenges. Being an Aspie is tough either way. I do think females face an extra challenge socially. They may be expected to know all the subtleties of body language, facial expressions, reading the eyes, and reading between the lines of what is said. Guys tend to speak their minds more directly and dispense with all that implied stuff---generally speaking.

Anyway, that's what I have been told by lots of folks. I wouldn't know for sure since I am not female or an NT. :lol:



poopylungstuffing
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15 Mar 2007, 9:46 pm

Um...yeah..its' hard to be subjective on the subject...in alot of ways I would think we might have it easy..depending on the way we live our lives...

I don't have alot of the burden of having my life revolve around the things that NT people seem to be obsessed with..outer appearance..cars...kids...keeping up with the jonses....behaving like anything other than who I am..
Stinky perfumes....shaving...looking like someone from Sex in the City..
I have a small cluster of oddball friends (mostly guys) who accept me as I am.
I manage to be endearing enough to others thatI don;t have to live alone in a shack somewhere...or with my parents....(whew)



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15 Mar 2007, 11:40 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
I manage to be endearing enough to others thatI don;t have to live alone in a shack somewhere...


you don't even get out of it that way. I cold turkeyed off of Celexa and lived in my friend's shack out in the mountians of Southern Oregon (took me 18 months to get my brains out of hock!) and I had to be endearing enough to use their outside water spigot and run an electric line out to the shack from their house. the being sick thing bought me a couple of months when they would leave me alone, but after that I had to be sociable for the privilidge.

I don't recommend it to anyone.

Merle

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16 Mar 2007, 12:05 am

i always find it vagly disturbing that there are men out there so raped up in there own problems that they can possibly think that not being able to get a date is worse then being a beken for sexual preditors and having non of the normal reactions that let you kno that that guy is bad


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17 Mar 2007, 5:34 pm

As an Aspie woman of 45 who has had only 2 meaningful relationships, had never married and has had no kids I have to tell you that yes, Aspie women face a harder challenge than men.

All my life I could get the best along with gay men. They did not try to flirt with me and did not expect me to show the emotional-based relationships that women form. They were the perfect balance between female friends (could have nice conversations with them) and male friends (they would accompant me at family events so that my family would not see me as the odd one out who came always alone, and did not expect me to sleep with them).

The women friedns I have had I had lost because they were wraped up in their wife/mother/business woman roles. I felt very little in common with them. Straight men I have only know very few and the ones that I have date were ones that I liked and contacted. Looking back, they were guys that very few women would date and that made them attractive to me. They were as odd as I was. Unfortunately they were not aspies and they ended up using my being in love with them and my naive attitude of love and relationships. Both caused me a lot of pain and regrets.

I feel that I am the most happy when I am alone. I miss company but the price to pay fr it is beyond what I am willing to pay any more. I know I will die alone and I really have come to terms with that fact.

Star


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17 Mar 2007, 10:08 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Apatura wrote:
Yes and no... I think it's true that intelligent women (AS or not) are discriminated against, but this is becoming less pronounced as society "evolves."

But, since it's still very acceptable for a woman to live off her husband (as opposed to the reverse) or even to remain dependent on her parents, I think there's less pressure on women to find a job and have to deal with the NT world. Not to say that there's NO pressure, but it's not nearly as bad as it is for men. If I had to work to support a family I would just be crushed by the stress of it. And often for men, the inability to support a family means never having one. But a woman can still get away with being the homemaker/ mother, and have a family that way.



there is just so many things I want to say to you Apatura, but I don't want to be ungentle, I don't wish to be unkind. It probably IS easier for daughters of living parents, for fertile women that can have children, that can bind a man to them who will support them. Unfortunately that does not include all of us, and it crushes me, every day, Apatura, tje stress of making my own living crushes me a little more every day and some day I will be all crushed by it.

Merle


What I meant was: say you have a man and woman both with the option of being with a spouse who will support them. The man WILL be looked down on by society while the woman will not, especially if she has children. In that sense it is harder for men because they have fewer options than a woman *might* in the right circumstances have.

The same for parents who will support a child: the man will be looked down on more by society than the woman will be. I was talking more about societal perception, certainly not that the actual act of supporting oneself is actually easier for the female than it is for the man.



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19 Mar 2007, 7:42 pm

I totally feel that life is more difficult for a woman with Asperger's. I just broke up about a month ago with a boyfriend who I'd been with for 3 1/2 years. Now that I'm back on the dating field, I'm afraid that the next guy I date will think I'm a freak or will think that I have too many problems for him to handle. I worry he'll dump me because I'm very sensitive and cry at the drop of a hat or because I have to have a schedule for what we're going to do on a date. In short, I'm very freaked out and despair of ever finding anyone again. None of my exs ever understood me or did much to try to find out about my disorder. I'd tell them, but they just wouldn't/couldn't get it and couldn't accomodate some of my "special needs."