"Hi, I'm new!" (EDIT: Includes Questions )

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I pretty much agree 100% with that first paragraph. The thought of becoming "more neurotypical" or drugging myself with anti-depressants etc. actually scares me more that comforts me, to be honest. I have always said that neurotypical behaviour won't help them at all as far as Adult life is concerned, but there comes a time when we all must socialise - and that is the time where I fear my mere intellect may not be enough.



Agreed. I'd just like to mention one very... Erm... inappropriate, would be the correct term, thing that I mentioned to one of these quiet kids when I was pretty much forced into conversation by another "friend"... I was mentioning to this friend about how I can never seem to speak to him or make eye contact with him because I don't know him that well. He walks over and my "friend" says "Well, here's your chance!". He says "Hi", I say "Hi", He says "What's up?". Having run out of things to say, I say possibly the most inappropriate thing I have ever said and have possibly ruined my chances with befriending him. I said the first thing that came to mind: "Do you know what's strange? I can never seem to make eye contact with you or speak to you like I can everyone else and, quite honestly, I have no idea why". It was only after having said that and after he had walked away that I had finally analysed what I had said and realised my huge fault.



Sadly, there are no academically-orientated clubs I know of in my current area. My school has purely sport-related clubs that attract the wrong crowds, while the only other academic club nearby that comes to mind is the chess club - which I am terrible at anyway and has few members.



Sadly, I have no idea of any school nearby similar to MIT. There is a private school just outside my house, infact, but having once been a member at the school (through paying large fees) I still find that there are cruel neurotypicals at the school. Perhaps even crueller than those at a public school, because they can boast that they have the money and, therefore, the right to do whatever they may please.



I will continue with my studies. As for Java, I will keep that in mind.



Thank you, I will do so. As for being "happy with my body", I am far from it. I have been constantly attempting cardio exercises to lose weight after having turned to food for comfort various years earlier. I was pulled out of PE due to harassment reasons with the students last year and, since then, my health has just kept depleting. It's a sad day when you finally realise you can fold the bottom half of your stomach over the top. Logically, I am just barely average according to BMI - very close to over-weight. Quite honestly, I am willing to try anything safe to lose weight.

I must say, it's refreshing to be on an aspie forum. Usually when a neurotypical asks for advice, they get all upset when one gives it to them. It's nice to see a polite response from someone who actually seems to appreciate the advice they ask for.

I think I've had way too much experience with neurotypicals over the last five decades.

Is there a specific reason why you mention this?



You're not quite ready for university, right?

To clarify my advice here, MIT is a university in the U.S. I'm suggesting you make good enough grades and test results to get into a university that has a lot of aspies when the time comes.



If you're interested, I can offer suggestions after you watch the video.

Well it is, more or less, an embarrassing conversation. I wish to know if there is any way I can avoid saying such inappropriate things?



So, MIT would be the American Equivalent of Oxford or Cambridge? Here's me thinking the American equivalent was Yale and Harvard...

Anyway, i do plan to try and get into Oxford or Cambridge, the two best Universities in England.



Please do, if possible.

Unfortunately, the only way I've found to deal with it is to avoid such conversations. Neurotypicals use language in such a completely different way from aspies that, even after 49 years, I've found it counterproductive to try to mimic neurotypical conversation in real time. It may be useful to understand the differences in how we use language, though.

Aspies, of course, use language to communicate what they are saying. One person knows something and the other person doesn't; after the first person says it, both people know it. In this model, one talks when one has something to say; there's little point in having a conversation if neither person actively wants to know something that the other person already knows.

In contrast, neurotypical conversation has very little to do with the words being said. Instead, neurotypicals use conversation primarily to reinforce relationships. For example, when a neurotypical asks for advice, they're rarely actually asking what they're doing wrong and how to fix it; rather, they're looking for reassurance that they can keep doing whatever it is that they're already doing. They may say, "what am I doing wrong", but what they mean is "I want you to reinforce my belief that what I'm already doing is perfectly fine; if you think I'm doing something wrong, keep your mouth shut." The appropriate response for a neurotypical is something that on the surface appears to answer the question, but that really is just providing the requested ego boost: in this case, "I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all." They'll get all upset if you actually provide an honest answer to the question they asked - like "you're doing X wrong, and you could fix it by doing Y" - because they'll misperceive it as aggression. If another neurotypical said something like that, they would really mean, "no, you're not a good person like you think you are, you're a horrible person and you should cease to exist".

For my part, I find the most successful strategy is simply to avoid participating in such conversations, instead sticking to aspie style conversations where real exchange of information is desired. Sometimes even neurotypicals realize they're lacking information that they need and will be willing to engage in an aspie style conversation.


It's a little more complicated than that. The best schools in the U.S. are probably Harvard, MIT, and Stanford, in no particular order. However, only MIT seems generally asperger friendly as far as I know; I think most students at Harvard and Stanford are neurotypical. MIT is probably the aspie school because it focuses on science and engineering, which are areas aspies tend to gravitate to.

I don't know if Oxford or Cambridge would be more like MIT and thus aspie friendly, or more like Harvard or Stanford and thus less aspie friendly.


Okay. Let me know when you've watched the video, and perhaps any reactions you have to it?

Good point. I use conversation most often to extract information from others but, then again, there are few times when I feel it would be beneficial to get them to trust me more before I can further extract information, therefore, I find myself quite often mimicking the neurotypical method. My main problem comes when doing so with someone whom I know very little - in which case, I don't know what to expect and cannot plan upon what will and will not offend them.

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Just felt like commenting that this is a brilliant example and definitely explains alot. Those I am friends with are more-or-less adjusted to my conversation style, but those who I'm not do find it difficult to adjust - and this could probably explain why.

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True, but what if we wish to make it our aim to make friends or build relationships? True, we'll find it difficult, but is there any tips I could use or follow?

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Oxford is ranked first in Politics, Physiological Sciences, English, Fine Art, Business Studies, Materials technology, Middle Eastern and African Studies, Music, Philosophy, and also Education and Linguistics which it shares first with Cambridge. Oxford comes second after Cambridge in a further seventeen subjects (which aren't listed). In the Guardian article, Oxford came second to Cambridge in Geography, Archaeology, Classics, History, History of Art, Mathematics, Philosophy, Theology and Religious Studies. Oxford came second in General Engineering, and third in Fine Art, General Engineering and Physics; fourth place in Chemistry and Medicine.

The problem? Oxford came first place in Computer Science and IT, as well as English. Cambridge comes first in most logical courses such as Mathematics, History, Science and Geography. Quoted from someone else on "Oxford or Cambridge?":

"Oxfordonions smile with a warm heart
Cambridge folk seem hollow, misty, unreachable even - and not in a good way. A humanity of sorts attracted me to Oxford."

The above quote makes me want to choose Cambridge, but I plan to get a job in IT and find English somewhat important. Not to mention the controversy found in The Times Newspaper's Rankings:

University Rankings



I'm watching it in segments throughout my much divided spare time. Currently watched 42 minutes 47 seconds.