HOW DID YOUR FAMILY REACT TO ASPERGER'S?

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"ASSBURGERS?! get outta here, ain't no such thing as assburgers or ARTISM!! !" - My mom, when I broke the news about me being an Aspie, and my son having Autism. Since then, I brought her tons of easy to read books and brochures and she seems accepting of it.

Me too. Both of my parents claim that I made my diagnosis up to get out of attending family events and being nice. Why on Earth I would make up a diagnosis to justify "not being nice" is beyond me.

The effort some people will put into avoiding reality is staggering.

I was diagnosed last June at the Age of 54. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a musician. However, I was always an outsider, although a lot of the people I went to school with considered me one of the nicest guys around. No matter how hard I tried, nothing was ever good enough.

Both my parents are dead. Dad died in 1986, from liver cancer while I was living in Metro Chicago. It also didn't help that he died 2 weeks before what we at the company I worked for, which is now one of the largest library and school administration management software firms in the U.S., if not the world. Out of all of us in the family, I took his death the hardest, even though I could not stand all the crap he put me through up until he died. He could never understand why I wanted to do what I wanted to do. The motto for my graduating clas Combe from Thoreau: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." Unfortunately, all my dreams turned out to be nightmares.

Mom, on the other hand, died in 2011. Her moods were very unpredictable. She always warned people to stay out of her way if her eyes started to shine, since it meant she was going to lose her temper. She did eventually mellow as she got older, however, the older she got, the more she isolated herself from her friends and her family.

It also didn't help that my family was considered the black sheep of both sides of their respective families. My maternal grandfather was the town drunk. From what I was always told, he was quite abusive toward mom, physically, mentally, and verbally.

Dad's side of the family was no different than mom, except his father was the town Don Juan. From what I am told, he cried a good bit when his dad left his mom.
Both my parents were born during the Great Depression. Both of them believed in the adage spare the rod and spoil the child.

The only reason I found out about Aspergers, was because my youngest brother and his wife have a son and a daughter on the spectrum, as low functioning autists, and was I was exhibiting the same signs as their children. They are the ones that suggested I get tested, while suffering the side effects of my medications, which i did not want. i just wated someone to talk to. Although I was relieved once finding out, I am quickly finding it is no panacea. My other 2 brothers think I'm a fraud and a lazy arsed bum that doesn't deserve to live, let alone collect disability. However, if you would ask me, if I could live my life all over again, would I change anything, I would say no, as I do not believe in that concept.

Can't edit to add almost 2 years later...so I'm doing it this way!

Seems my "news" was spread to my other siblings behind my back (so I have no idea what their initial reaction was) BUT. Their subsequent behavior was mind-boggling!

The oldest (the "if this diagnosis makes you feel better" sister) changed her tune to "that's Bullsnot; you don't have any form of Autism--your Psychiatrist is full of Bullsnot" and then she told me that from now on at family gatherings I shouldn't consider her my sister, that we are just two people at the same place during the same time! WTF? [I didn't have the heart to explain to her that my entire LIFE I've had that 'feeling' from my siblings!]

At that time all my other brothers & sisters STOPPED communicating with me (not that there was a whole lot of communication going on before that, though!)

One brother has to drive right in front of my doorstep to get to Moms (he lives 2 1/2 hours away). He doesn't stop here anymore.

So, I dropped them. They're still my siblings (can't change blood, ya' know?) But I can (& did) distance myself from those toxic relationships.

I don't go to family gatherings (haven't been invited in 2 years & that's ok by me) and I also avoid the yearly Christmas party (again, WHY do I want to be around people that don't want me there?) I haven't stopped my kids from going...but they BOTH talk about how hypocritical all their aunts & uncles are!

My one sister who accused me of "stealing her sons diagnosis" has stayed close (even though she doesn't call, either). I came to realize that her first reaction was that of an Aspie (& we've talked about the fact that she has it too!) but beyond THAT....nothing.

My family, being excessively religious, blamed me and my "Lack of faith." They persecuted me for it into my mid twenties until I stepped away from them and haven't communicated with them in 16 years... best decision of my life

My family was worried because I had bad marks at high school, they also were worried because I had no friends but that wasn't the big deal.

So they took to a psicologist (damn she was hot xD) when I was 14 and she basicly determined I had low to mild asperger's and a pretty high IQ.

My dad's reaction: "Makes sense, I think I have that too" He definitley has some traits. I don't know if enough to be diagnosed. BTW he didn't give a f**k.

My syster's reaction: "That's no excuse, you have a very high IQ and you can get good marks if you want" Gotta admit she was right. She also says she thinks the psycologist was wrong and I'm normal, I think she's too used to me to be objective besides the weird stuff I do isn't so notorious (knowing years when movies were released, not stepping on the red tiles on the pavement, pass over the same number of red tiles with each foot and stuff like that).

My mum's reaction: "No son you don't have that, the psycologist didn't say that" So mum where are the results of the test? "They didn't send the test" Pretty ridiculous when I was there and my father remembers that perfectly too. Guess she can't accept her baby isn't perfect or that denial helps but the truth is that the fact that everyone in my family completely ignored made me forgetting about it for a long time and I perhaps if I had read now I'd be better.

I guess being a borspie with no more dissorders makes people think you're completely normal...