Question from NT parent: do you make friends? Go on dates?

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I get your point beautiful spam, perhaps it is the way this one is written that could make it appear to be an issue if you haven't read her other posts like when she introduced herself. I have so I read this post with that background knowledge. But signicicant social imparments can be a vague statement which those who know him in different areas would answer differently, Thats why the get info from more than one source and have a list of possible attributes under the social impairment category.

THis is the OP. Sorry, I have been away for a while due to work work work work work.
Let me tell you my own point of view. Light friends? He can make them, just like I can. The weirder the better. If you see a kid w/blue hair and funky clothes chances are that is the one my son will be willing to meet. He is a non-conformists, LIKE ME. He also makes friends with all types (rich, poor, black, white, etc). Again like me. I am curious to know what his dr will say about this. I will try and remember to ask if I may have been an influence. I mean, I talk to the frigging lamp posts, you know?

He also likes his solitude. I remember when he was little I was amazed at how well he played alone. Also, he would be ok playing with a small group but if you made it an organized large group thing... he did not participate. No sports. And sometimes this was a problem but I just thought he was having a tantrum or something.

But BEST FRIENDS like I had them at his age? Nope. I had several friends that were like my own flesh, an extension of myself. Not him. His friends, although they are always there, seem to be more like passing companionships. It is hard to explain! They can move tomorrow and he would be sad but I don't think he is 100% attached to them. He likes dating though...! Mostly they are phone relationships.

Reading all your posts (thank you thank you thank you) I see HIM in some of your own experiences. Some of you talk about light friends in school and then a few here and there later on. My son can go for weeks without seeing a single friend (like in summer) and not really missing them. I think he may miss THE ACTIVITIES that he engages on with a few friends. Oh, and he loves loves loves interactive online games.

Gotta got and teach a class at the gym.

I really have no experience with this but the more I read the more I can see. And again I thnk you all.

Like some of you said my son also talks more easily with adults than with kids his age (I mean, as far as strangers go). This usually amazes my peers who think he speaks so well and seems so interesting.... so engaging.

I also never mentioned that he's had BIG TIME PROBLEMS in school (for years now) to the point he spent the last 3 months in an "alternative school" last year. In retrospect this pisses me off to no end!

Castillian,

It looks like I jumped to a bad conclusion here. There is plenty of room for AS in what you say. In fact, features of your descriptions resemble my own childhood experiences. An almost normal level of social success early on, including some girlfriends, followed by a rapid whithering of social relationships as you fail to keep up with your peers' more rapid and successful social development, is not at all uncommon in AS from what I understand. Maybe you really should take him to a shrink, see what the experts have to say about him.

Beautifulspam,

I totally appreciate your comments. The relationship with his girlfriend is by far stronger than his usual friends. As I said, they may or may not be in the picture at any given time.

Next appt is coming up! I am really anxious to learn more.

I'm new here. I wondered how someone could have Asperger's but socialize well but I see what you mean after you explained it. I'm only good at talking to people about something I know well and am interested in but small talk or getting to know people I'm terrible. I don't think it matters a whole lot what label he has. I think we all have our own weaknesses that we can work on to improve ourselves. I'm glad I know I have high-functioning autism because it makes it easier finding information relevant to my problems. I used to search for how to make friends and I got stuff written for little kids. But if someone asks me about myself, I'll probably never mention autism because most people don't know much about it. Instead, I'd say I'm a little different and have trouble with socializing, communicating, etc.

Most of my life, I've preferred the company of & conversation with adults, not children (even when I was a kid, I didn't generally like people my own age-both younger & older kids teased & harassed me, so of course that only left adults as potential friends).

As teenager in high school, things improved somewhat (compared with junior high). Had some friends, mostly just to see & talk with in school. The 2 girls I was intensely close to were couple yrs. older than I, and they were pretty "out there" (not 'delinquents', just very different-iconoclasts). I met one of them in adapted phys. ed. class (for those with problems that prevented them from participating in regular gym class), then she graduated, so I only saw her outside of school. She did introduce me to her best friend, with whom I remained friends long after the 'first' girl & I were no longer close.

Had no 'romantic'/dating life until I was 18 yrs. old, shortly before I finished high school. Wanted the positive attention, to feel wanted & appealing & attractive-but for whatever reasons, nothing happened. Seemed like I didn't 'register' in the minds of the male students as a female, instead I came across like a genderless non-sexual weirdo (intend no offense to anyone who is asexual or androgynous, by calling myself a weirdo !)-admit I was pretty strange back then. Thankful that in college I was able to fall into some relationships without much effort (chose to attend school that had mostly male students, because I desperately wanted to be valued as a female & feel desired/"in demand").

As a grownup, I have a few friends & a wonderful boyfriend, plus getting the dx (in 2004) has helped me understand myself better, even though I still have lotsa' challenges.

I had very few friends as a child, and was picked on extensively. One of my friendships lasted into adulthood, but dissolved a few years later when my friend started being very dishonest with me about things, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I currently have one RL friend, who is an ex-boyfriend. I met him at work, and dated him for a while. He proposed to me several times, but I declined every time. We later turned out to be better at friendship than dating. We go out to eat sometimes, and I bore him with my interests sometimes (but some of my interests he likes, too), and I listen to him complain about things, and he listens to me complain about things, and we give each other advice. It works for me.

At one point when I was younger, I thought I should get married, since everybody else seemed to want to get married, so I figured maybe it was a good thing. After I read extensively about marriage, and observed the marriages of others, I realized it wasn't something I particularly need in my life, considering that I don't want children at all (can't have them anyway due to a medical condition), and I feel that I would much prefer living alone. Not having a place where I can go to get away from other people makes me crazy. Also I have intimacy issues, and the only times I ever managed to kiss anybody, I felt nothing, and the kissee admitted that it was about as exciting as kissing the wall. It's not that I don't love people, but that my feelings for them are rarely strong enough to motivate me to do things that others seem to be willing to do for the sake of love. Like compromising on things that are important to me, for instance. I suck at that.

I have several online friends with whom I play games every week. I like that, and it generally fills what needs I have for companionship.

I am acquainted with several people at church, but we're not very close, and have little in common other than religious beliefs.

OP here. Just got back from a 2-week vacation and I was so happy to see more posts here. Thank you.

I wish you all a very Happy 2008.

Update: at this time we are between doctor appointments. This is driving me nuts! I want to start moving faster than this. I was told I need to be patient. Ok.... It is all for his well being anyway but i want to see a concrete plan of action.