Back...but not sure for how long

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Interests like urban planning and gardening don't give any indication as to what somebody's sex drive is like. The interests I mentioned do.

In a relationship, I expect sex after just three dates.

Hello, Tim_Tex. I'm a new member here, and therefore I haven't met you before. However, I have experienced a similar situation in my life --not the other stuff, just the (lack of) romantic part. Some one early on in the thread said that the romantic aspects of being an aspie are the hardest parts. I would really tend to agree that, for myself, this is the hardest part.

If your situation is anything like mine was, then what I have to say is:


1.) If she's more interested in what a person looks like than if they're an intellectually compatible partner... It wasn't going to work even if the boyfriend wasn't in the picture. Sorry, I know you really don't want to hear that, but there's a good chance that it couldn't of worked out not merely because of who you are, but because she is who she is. God, this is the worst part of romantic relationships, but one of the few things that I've learned about them, is that people --particularly neurotypicals-- don't decide who they date based upon anything that makes any form of sense. What I mean by this is that many times similar interests, similar emotional states, and even the ability to bond well does not ever directly imply that a romantic relationship will work for that person. I hate this fact with every ounce of my being, but it's uncompromisingly true. Everything that you're telling me about this person --other than the similar interests-- tells me that an aspie relationship probably would never work for her.

2.) Sometimes, no matter how much we want, how much we need, how much we desire for a relationship (either platonic or romantic) to happen, it's just one of those things that we don't have control over. Sometimes, it's just better to say "[Expletive] her" (or him) "It's their loss, not mine."

3.) Again, I don't know you personally so this might be totally true for me but totally untrue for you, but I have found that when I do try to remain friends with someone who I had developed very strong feelings towards, the friendship becomes incredibly toxic and eventually I just can't hold back from being bitter towards that person. Again, it depends upon how you personally react to these situations, but it may just be better that she decided to sever ties with you, even if it feels really devastating right now.

4.) This is another thing that I know I didn't want to hear/wouldn't hear from my friends after I was in a similar (but obviously not identical) situation to yours, but everything that you're saying about this woman makes me think "She's either not a good person or she's in a really unstable state right now." Honestly, I think that even if you could have a relationship with her, it would have ended up being very toxic. Again, it sounds so wonderful to have a person in your life who is of the gender that you're attracted to and has similar interests to yours. But it's not everything; the things that NT's seem to intuitively understand --or at least have a leg up on us about-- really do matter. You really do have to be emotionally compatible. She really doesn't sound like a person who'd be compatible with an aspie.


5.) Life may seem really bad right now, but it will get better. Time is the antidote here; you won't feel good over night. It'll hurt for a while and you may be very depressed, but sooner or later you'll remember that sometimes life is crappy but things will turn around. Really, it always does. Life is never as bad as you think it is (Aspies have a tendency to extremize emotional states), it will pick up, given time you will feel yourself again. And pretty assuredly, if you live in a big city or near a big city, you'll be able to one day find the right person for you, so long as you put the effort in. That last bit is quite hard (and I am basically the opposite of an expert on), but it's not like there's a shortage of married aspies or aspies in a long term relationship. Give it time, and you'll find a person who will like you for you. Trust me, I feel you, man, that last one is a heck of a lot easier said than done.


Again, this is just some advice from a situation that I had, I don't mean to offend.

Welcome to WP! I am among the more senior members on here.

I am a strong believer in the phrase "If you want a friend, be a friend", and I live up to that phrase. However, since she didn't live up to the phrase (she would say she was "too busy" to talk to me, but had plenty of time to look at pics of scantily clad male models), I feel she only accepted my FB friend request so her number of friends would go up, to boost her already severely overinflated ego.

She never thinks about how her self-absorption and actions affect others. I have already lost one friend because of my anxiety over this, and I have come close to losing two more.

Thankfully, I had virtually no reminders of her, in comparison to other failed romantic endeavors (including one who accused me of being "weak" and "unmotivated" all because I asked for advice, and expected potential partners to never need emotional support--not because she couldn't give it, but because she didn't want to.)

Hey, Tim. It's interesting to hear from you again. I had hoped to hear things were better for you, but here you are obsessing over a not right/ not available woman. I'd like to shake you, but that likely wouldn't make you STOP it. So, moving on, how is the job search going? And no, that is NOT an invitation for you to tell me more about that not right/not available woman. Tell me about the job search. Oh, and I'm sorry about the unjust firing. That happens to us a lot.

The unjust firing and the situation with that woman are connected, so it's nearly impossible to mention one without mentioning the other. She was subject to the same abuse as me by the other co-worker, but since she thought he looked like Adam Levine, she tolerated it. Last I heard, she was moved to another department.

Since she was probably my last chance to be with someone with the same interests, this definitely has me very upset.