The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

Post Reply New Topic

Sweet dreams, Nan.

Aspies plural do not exist, Aspie is defined as, A Culture Of One.

With a bunch of ones coming together, there will be some mis-communication.

Each has survived by making a personal space. In some it is small and hidden, but they do come out and bite, in others it is their world and it's extentions.

Learning to be social is curebi propaganda. This place works because we can take off the masks.

This is a support site, not a place to learn to be NT, and to be corrected.

Accept people for who they are, and they will do the same for you. Demand conformity, and you will be alone. Friends can be false, but a worthy adversary always speaks truth.

Some is seeking reaction, response, and it comes from many. We will not resolve our differances by hiding them. We are strong because we hold many views, not a correct narrow allowed view that limits.

The teens are in the first place where they can speak the turmoil within. What cannot be said to parents, teachers, shrinks, can be shouted here. They are so fed up, they expect a harsh reaction, and find people agree with them, suggest howling at the moon, other pastimes, and they settle down in a bit.

I am a lightning rod for girls with male issues, arrogent? The opposite of arrogent is subservent, I am arrogent. I would rather have them speak freely here than hold it within. I can agree with everything they say, but I am not going to change.

We all do what works for us. We are willing to share that, but trying to change us will not work, never has worked, never will work. Everyone here is fine, at a working distance. If you try to reach into their brain and rearrange the wires, you will get bit.

Helpful, at a respectful distance, is always welcome. Support for what they are, not for making them over in your own image. I know we are all perfect, but we are not the same perfect.

Some things I work to organize, that word causes some to explode, I like fireworks. First is greeting new people. I was alone for a long time, coming here I found others. It was hard for me to speak to people, I hate them. Always have. But I wanted to learn, and some helped me. It was the biggest event in my life.

Next is harder for me, mothers with children, it is the greatest need that comes here. They had the worry, then the medical story, who the hell are those people, troublemakers, then the propaganda sites, CAN, Autism Speaks, and welcoming them and getting them to the parents forum is cooler than Mother Teresa.
It is the greatest suffering we can end. The parents forum and Kids' Crater is the only shelter they will ever find.

Teens are hopeless, but if tolerated, good kids. They do need to learn about life skills, and yes, they did not get it where they came from, will we fail them too?

The young and older adults here have been burned, they need to speak of it. There is a rant thread for words not directed at anyone, yet words that have to come out, be seen, to get past them. Self help and support is messy.

As usual people are annoyed by people opposed to their views, and also people who share them. Conflict leads to living in a bigger world, and coming to terms with yourself.

The social order of males is different from females. Males live within a degree of agression, standing up for themselves, and short of open warfare. It has been that way for a long time. When asked why we cannot behave proper, like girls, we might just tell you. And while we are at it, might just ask some questions about girl behavior. It is not a secret, we do share notes.

Once upon a time this was a little club. It has grown to be a world event, and the rate of growth in increasing. Altogether they are about 5,000,000, and many will be here in the next few years.

ASD is for life, is untreatable, and this is the best hope for millions. Our thoughts and actions have the power to do great good. Welcome new people, be supportive of each other, and understanding of the suffering of others. We rise by bringing those around us up.

I am self centered, this is the best hope I have, and it is shared by many others. Here we find something missing in our lives, a community.

My thanks go out to krex, Graelwyn, Themachine!, and other mods who have carried the load this far, at great personal cost. Alex for emotional, technological, and economic support. They tire, the load grows, expenses rise, and a broader community support is needed.

Reaching out with understanding is the most important thing, yes, you are right and perfect, so are they, give it time and you will see it.

Inventor, I will repeat (below). Do with it what you will. Take it or leave it. Its there when you are willing to open your heart and hear it. If you don't hear it, it doesn't mean that I'm wrong

"Its all very well to claim that we don't want a cure for AS, but I do think its necessary to qualify what that means.

In my understanding, having a different way of processing information (intelligent or creative), being introverted (socially awkward), and focusing on areas of interest, for example, are all related to the way a person is wired. Of course no one should be discriminated against because of this.

There are, however, emotional problems that certainly do need to be addressed, regardless of where anyone falls on the spectrum of the human condition.

Arrogance, lack of compassion, disrespecting another human being - these are not hardwired traits and not, in my opinion, at all related to AS. If we were to embrace that, then we are inviting psychopaths, sociopaths, child molestors, criminals and anyone else with emotional problems that we can think of to stand united against a cure!

Please don't think that I am judging those with emotional problems (every single human being has them to some degree and usually as a result of pain inflicted upon them) but it is important for us as individuals and communities to grow through and overcome these problems, not to become proud of and encourage them.

I don't believe in punishment as a means of overcoming emotional problems, either. Only loving support will help. But there is a great difference between loving support of those with emotional problems and allowing them to control and bully to their heart's content in the name of avoiding a cure.

Whether AS or not, emotional problems are universal to human beings, and the willingness to grow beyond them is universal to progress - for everyone's benefit. Please don't confuse the AS traits with emotional problems. They are not one and the same thing."

OK, what the HELL were you doing in my bedroom this morning?? And why didn't the guy get up and FEED the CAT!!

Discussions like these, Inventor and Sapphix, are the reason I am here.

We are all kings and queens of our own little universes, and we come in peace to meet and treat with others as equals. Or we come to do a bit of sabre-rattling, to engage in dominance displays and battles of wits. Or we come to howl in anguish at our misfortune in life.

I'm as guilty as anyone of mistaking someone's intentions or giving false impression. But that's the Internet for you. That's words for you. Words are slippery things, especially when you can't see the expression on someone's face (and for many of us, myself included, even when you can!...).

Occasionally I read something on a website, not just this one, that strikes me in a sensitive spot. That I find offensive. At those times, it takes a conscious effort of will to remain emotionally detached and not to take it personally. I'm still not very good at this.

It's marvelous how we each come to our own awareness of what it is to be AS. I have no idea what it's like for the boys and young men who were slapped in the face with their DX at a very early age. My own experience is quite different. If I vented all my anger and pain in one go, it would look ugly, sure. But locking it up inside for decades, and only letting it out bit by bit, isn't much better.

I received this in my mail today and I really needed to hear it because I've been stumbling into the worst of my inner self recently. Someone please remind me of this when I next go off on an emotional tangent:

Attitude is everything!

Today will be what we make it. Regardless of the weather, the kinds of work to be done, the personalities crossing our paths, we'll feel joy and peace if that is our choice.

Agonizing over circumstances that aren't to our liking or dwelling on our failure to control other people, whether friends or foes, has robbed us of the happiness that is always ours to experience. Depression, anger, fear, and frustration shadowed our steps because we didn't take control of the only thing that's ever been in our control absolutely - attitude.

It's so easy to blame others for every wrinkle in our lives. But as we grow accustomed to the idea of taking full responsibility for how we think and feel, we'll be empowered. No longer will our sense of self feel diminished. And, as Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying, we will be just as happy as we make up our minds to be.

Nobody can mess with my attitude but me!

This sounds very like a Buddhist simile that says a harmful event is like two arrows shot at you. The first is the event itself. The second is your reaction to the event. You have some control over the second, and much of Buddhist practice is about giving you greater control.

Fair enough,

There is nothing about AS that needs to be cured, we are not broken, deranged, diseased, sick, ill, we just process information in a slightly different way, and have less concern with communication as a form of social bonding.

(1) Is another story. You are talking about emotions, at a Mr, Spock Convention, facinating!

This term emotions is vauge and illdefined. Like body language, facial expression, implied meanings, they seem to me be some of what AS is known for being blind to. I am not a defective NT that needs remedial classes in ape posturing, grimicing, not speaking directly, or manipulating through feelings of guilt, fear, doubt, which is how I see emotions.

As for emotional problems being universal to human beings, and and the willingness to grow beyond them being universal to progress - for everyone's benefit. And anyone who does not agree being lumped with psycopaths, scociopaths, child molesters, criminals, here defind as emotional problems, being added to the anti cure agenda. I do not share that thought, so it is not universal, progress is in the eye of the beholder, and I have no interest in everyone's benefit, I do have ASD.

A non-emotional personality is common to AS, opening my heart would cause blood to spill out, for that is what is in there. Not having approve emotional responses does not connect anyone with Al Quiada, the inmates of mental hospitals, or jails, AS folk are known for being law abiding good citizens.

Respect is not a universal debt, it is earned by being respectable. No one owes respect to all, or compassion for those who cause their own problems. Autism is being self centered, it defines it, and limits it's world view to things within view, not to univeral emotional constants, which we deny exist.

What is an emotional problem? A lack of pandering to the implied social needs of others? Feeding their insecurity, social doubts, lack of self and center? Since when is my lack of eye contact proof of willful emotional attack on anyone? I do not get implied messages.

Not even being able to define emotions, something of less subtance than face grimices, a failed attempt at manipulation, at the basest level, fear, insecurity, social rejection, does not mean I have an emotional problem, but that the person who has failed to manipulate with emotion does.

The only way I could make the approved list, is to grow through and overcome these problems? Be changed completely? Become subject to emotional manipulation? Be cured? Avoiding a cure? Why does that word keep coming up?

There are a lot of ways to bully.

Frankly my dear, I don't give a dame!

I do think that self defining is our path to understanding, not conforming to things we do not think real and never will.

We have plenty of other around here, just a few acts of logic, greeting new people, caring for mothers and children, accepting differances, not judging, will tip the balance toward growing as a community, and as people.

In the black and white thinking of AS, we have the choice between doing good, doing nothing, or doing evil.

To me it is a perfectly logical choice to chose good.

Live long and prosper!

I find it more useful to think that if I know nothing about someone, they deserve a minimum level of respect. They can lose it, they can earn more, but they start out with a minimum that depends more on my ability to offer respect than anything else.


I saw nothing in Sapphix' posting that equated ASD with a lack of pandering to the implied social needs of others or any of the other things you list. There are lots of other types of emotional problems. Excessive jealousy, dependence on always being the centre of attention, a need for power over others. These are all emotional problems which, as far as I know, have no connection with ASD, and no connection with your list.


Even if you want to ignore the shades of gray that do exist, remember that there may be more than one dimension. There are other choices besides being either manipulative or honest, other ways to harm either oneself or others. For example, you can go away from good in the direction of manipulative or, at a right angle to that, in the direction of being aggressive.

If I have understood you correctly (which may not be the case) you defend against an attack that doesn't exist.


I don't understand you here. Do you deny the existence of emotions, do you deny that some emotions are universal (except for severe pathologies), do you deny that there are universal patterns to emotional responses?

Last edited by Gromit on 02 Nov 2007, 9:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have mastered the space/time continuity, is how.

Really! All he had to do was just feed the cat. I've found that hiding under a pillow and pulling one's blankets up over one's head will work...for about six seconds. The little rotters can burrow, you know?

muahahaha, and now to unleash my evil plan....

Mandarin oranges?

You could click the Xmas link at the bottom of my post and depress the hell out of 'em, too, for good measure?

Mandarin oranges

Fresh ones are only available around here at this time of year, or we can get them canned.

I like what you have as your sig. I've watched it a few times! I dug out the decorations and Christmas tree (artificial because of the asthmatics). The kids came into the storage room, eyeballed my pile and said, "No way! You aren't setting it up already?"

Last edited by blessedmom on 02 Nov 2007, 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

I know what Mandarin oranges are, thanks. I was just wondering why they were special. I've gotten spoiled living here in the orange groves - they're available year-round here. But nobody really seems to eat them, although I see them on the salad bar at the Sizzler now and then.

Funny your kids' reactions. Mine wants to put the damned thing up in September. I hold out for the day after Thanksgiving, which has now become her little Aspie regulation - if it's the day after Thanksgiving, we must go have breakfast out, then go shopping at the mad sales, then the tree MUST be decorated and we MUST have music on and we MUST order a pizza and later have hot chocolate and reminisce about holidays past.

Not a bad thing, really. But she just comes apart at the seams if I suggest putting it all off for a few weeks.

Oh, they used to be like that and lil' girls still is. I have my decorating ritual, too, one that I had to have when I was young and I just can't seem to shake. There has to be Bing Crosby crooning and hot chocolate with spices and marshmallows, we have pizza for dinner and make a few decorations, but I guess it isn't "cool" anymore. They'll miss it when they move out.

Your concrete's cracked? Errgh.