postpaleo
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Age: 76
Gender: Male
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Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
22 Nov 2007, 4:35 am
Gobbles and struts.....oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
RIM SHOT!
Merle
Thenk Yew!
As usual my ADHD brain missed something. 
I guess this is supposed to be jabbing fun at my being a turkey or something to do with turkeys? I don't have a clue what the hell you guys are going on about.
postpaleo
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,134
Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
22 Nov 2007, 4:42 am
My brother's wife wants us to come over for a big family Christmas.
Now, a little background - back in 2000, when H had just dropped out of college, and we found out she was pregnant with Morgana, said SIL had persuaded us to move out of our duplex in what she called a "rough part" of Tacoma, WA (as far as I'm concerned, Tacoma doesn't have rough parts - I lived in Vista, CA, when Vista XIII and the Home Boys were merging. I went to sleep to the sound of gunfire), and into her house. A few months later, she told us we had to move back out again right away. The only solution that presented itself - sharing an apartment with SIL's daughter (my niece) and her husband.
It was about six months later that Niece's self-righteous, ghetto-snob attitude drove H to a suicide attempt. (Thankfully, she only had enough Vicodan on hand to get really sleepy, and the hospital was able to get the charcoal into her before liver damage set in.) Shortly afterward, we moved to CA to stay with her parents. It was about a year and a half ago that we moved back up here, along with our new mate, J (and, of course, little Iain). H has been to see SIL once since then, and it took almost a month to get her out of that depression. She's pretty sure she can handle this holiday thing, between the Paxil and the Xanax, but there's another issue. You see, SIL met my brother back when I was a geeky little undiagnosed teen - and I don't think she ever really understood what was up with me, even after the rest of us learned.
When she speaks to me, it's more speaking at me, in simple words of as few syllables as possible, with the big words always broken down into syllables. H has been concerned that she's been keeping me from "my family"; in reality, I've been happy for the excuse not to deal with SIL. I want to be the nice guy, as I've always been, but I don't know how much more I can take before I finally have to break down and scream at the woman for treating me like an idiot all these years. Sure, my first wife was hardly someone to inspire confidence in my intellect or judgment, but I'd like to think Ive gotten better since...
So, H is insisting we have to go over there. I'm already feeling stretched over this, wanting to retreat. I've no idea how I can actually handle the day in question...
Probably not much help, but this is what I have done. I explained it to those that need to know. If they understand fine, if they don't tough s**t. I don't go to those things. I don't turn anyone away from the door, but they also understand I just might leave the room and go to my cave at any given moment. I try to explain it isn't any love hate thing, I just get over whelmed. I did this a long time ago, it's just a given now. My one side of the family doesn't understand it at all, I don't really think, but, such is my life. It's nice to try and make others happy and I do try, but sometimes I need to take care of myself. They won't have long term effects from a get together, but I do.
SleepyDragon
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22 Nov 2007, 6:00 am
What does your brother make of all this, DeaconBlues? Is he saying much, or just keepin' his head down & stayin' outta trouble?
Family harmony is not well-served if all parties are grinding their teeth and longing for the event to be over. If he is at all sympathetic toward you, he will understand if you and your family graciously decline their invitation.
Ah, Christmas. Once a year. Whether we want to or not...
22 Nov 2007, 6:08 am
22 Nov 2007, 10:45 am
Deacon,
My heart goes out to you and H. I wish I could give you some sage advice. I, however, am still trying to figure out how I am going to spend Xmas day with the nasty, letter-writing brother and his wife. It is my brothers' turn to come to my parents house for the holiday. They spend every other year in Edmonton with their in-laws. I have considered telling them,"I'm sorry, my kids and I won't be there this year." That would mean that I don't get to spend the holiday with my other brother who is a wonderful person and my father, who actually glows while he's handing the Xmas presents to his grandkids. I'll put up with the jerk for them. I have also told my mother that if the jerk starts his crap, I will quietly pack up my children and she will see me again when he has gone home. She has been told that I will not say a word to him or his wife. That way she won't have some stupid idea that I'm going to be sweet and act like nothing has ever been wrong. Will it make a difference? Who knows. I'm sort of wishing I had taken up your offer on the good place to hide the body.
So, I guess you have to weigh the reasons to stay away against the reasons to go. I agree with Nannarob. If SIL just wants to live the fantasy "Oh, look how gracious I am!" Christmas, I would stay home. Is seeing your brother or other family members worth the impact the whole thing will have on H? Have you talked to her about the worst case scenario. I know that sounds pessimistic but all kinds of bizarre behaviour happens at family gatherings. I've found that if I think of the worst thing that can happen and I make a plan for if it does, I can deal with the stress alot easier.
If you really can't see yourself going, talk to your brother. Tell him thank you very much for your offer, we have to decline this year. You can give him the reason if you want, but really, you don't owe anyone an explanation. You have the well-being of your family to consider first and foremost.
22 Nov 2007, 12:57 pm
I had never heard of Ulrich Schnauss until you posted it the other morning, Richie. Thanks. 
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4LsDPdD4T4[/youtube]
And that led me to find this.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz9JmpULP3o&feature=related[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDzTKojybU4&feature=related[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siXe7bKt1q0&feature=related[/youtube]
22 Nov 2007, 3:59 pm
22 Nov 2007, 4:31 pm
22 Nov 2007, 6:25 pm
And not one extea comma!
Smelena decided about 10 years ago that she and her family would no longer go to the other side's (my husband's) Christmas lunch. She went to her in-laws for Christmas Eve, and come here for Christmas night.
It doesn't really work though. She doesn't enjoy the in-laws celebrations and her husband can't relax here. They usually stay a few days.
I think the worst thing about Christmas is the expectation that it has some holy glow about it. Relations have to be formed throughout the year, not on one special day!
Look what you did to me Nannarob! Now I can't put a comma in a sentence without questioning it. Evil woman.
Agreed - if it's not there all year, why force it at the end of the year for appearance's sake? I remember when I was younger and living alone how it seemed to upset people that I "didn't have anywhere to go" on Christmas Day. I had lots of places to go - the park was a favorite, especially if it snowed. Why people have to be so obsessive about "we have to be with others" thing on that one day is WAY beyond me.
hartzofspace
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Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
22 Nov 2007, 8:04 pm
Having read all the interesting posts about families and holidays, I am glad to report that I have had a fairly peaceful and content Thanksgiving. Having cleaned two rooms yesterday, I was exhausted and slept until afternoon. Then I roasted half a Turkey breast, and made some cranberry relish. I made one dutiful phone call to my mother, and then ate my supper while listening to Schubert, and sharing turkey bits with my cat. Christmas will probably be the same.
richie
Supporting Member
Joined: 9 Jan 2007
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,142
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
22 Nov 2007, 8:20 pm
I roasted three drumsticks this afternoon, the turkey breast I bought Tuesday night was still frozen.....It might be thawed out by
tomorrow. I think I'll give mom a call tomorrow as well. Otherwise a quiet Thanksgiving.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
22 Nov 2007, 8:58 pm
I love the drumsticks. Sometimes I buy a package of them just to roast, or cook in the slow cooker along with some veggies and cream of mushroom soup. I'm off watch some rented movies. 
(Just wanted to use one of the new emoticons).
sinsboldly
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
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Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
22 Nov 2007, 11:31 pm
Gobbles and struts.....oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
RIM SHOT!
Merle
Thenk Yew!
As usual my ADHD brain missed something. I guess this is supposed to be jabbing fun at my being a turkey or something to do with turkeys? I don't have a clue what the hell you guys are going on about.
Oh, my gawd, that is why it is so much fun!
Merle
SleepyDragon
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Age: 70
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Posts: 2,829
Location: One f?tid lair or another.
22 Nov 2007, 11:35 pm
22 Nov 2007, 11:37 pm
H is actually the one insisting we go - she's worried they'll think she's "keeping me away from my family" (which my first wife did try to do, so I can see why she's worried about that). Through the l-tryptophan haze, though, I think I'll be able to handle it - she'll be on Xanax, and I'll spend the trip there listening to Meat Loaf's "I'm Alive", Tom Petty's "Won't Back Down", and similar anthems. And if the SIL pushes, I'm going to let her know how I feel, because I've realized that I don't care if she gets offended - anymore.
23 Nov 2007, 12:13 am
we're doing our thanksgiving dinner tomorrow evening. the turkey is in the kitchen sink getting the mafia treatment to thaw it. it's a 20 pounder.
we put up our christmas tree tonight and it looks kewl.
we have to get up to be at linens and things by 5am because they are selling a limited number of turntable thingies for $49 (while supplies last) and i want to get one so i can get my records out of storage....
night, all.
