The Dino-Aspie Ex-Café (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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You guy's ain't foolin me!! I know from experience. My first wife's mother, when she looked at me with those side glances and was speaking Italian...well... I learned swear words and statements that are less then flattering to call people. Strange woman, both of them, back then I use to do all the cooking and my mother in law refused to eat when she stayed, which was often, way too often. She ate things out of a can and then didn't like to use the plates or silverware, because she was sure I didn't know how to wash dishes either. Hell, I'm KP (kitchen police) Army trained. You ain't lived till you've done that many dishes in a single day and somehow I managed to get KP a lot and I mean really a lot. They did so love me in the Army. Where was I? Oh yeah, my ex mother in law and dishes, hell I washed dishes better then my wife, I did both sides. So anyway, she wouldn't eat anything I cooked and liked to use her fingers, the animal. She got hungry in the night and there wasn't much in the way of canned food except some peppers and she ate them. They was really nasty red hot peppers, I mean the really nasty kind and she wanted to go to the hospital later, she figured I had done something to them to make her have the beginnings of a heart attack. Old witch had an acute case of indigestion, which she gave to me every time she came and I already said, was way too often. So I know you guys is talkin swear words, with side glances in my general direction. Oh and feel free to have some of the peppers, they're very tasty, trust me.

And yeah, I really liked the old witch. I don't have a clue why, other then she was stranger then I was. Still unsure what ailed her, something wasn't right. I just figured she was old when I came into the family, well as close as an outsider can get in that type and she wouldn't be around all that long to get her any real help. She sure fooled me, she damn near lived forever. Paranoid Schizophrenic maybe, it's about as close as I can come to anything. I wasn't shy about eating her cooking though, not one little bit, that was some good eating. I can't spell "eat" in Italian, but I know that word so well, I swear when I eat lasagna it still echoes in my head. It was like an insult to her if you didn't have thirds and then argue about way you couldn't eat anymore.

No swear words - Honest Injun'! Except when Lemon said " ".
That was the only time.

Can't vouch for your mom-in-law though.

Hello, all. Semi-lurking. Glad to hear you got some effective medicine for migraines, Lauri. Sorry to hear the dire possible side effects, but the medical establishment doesn't leave you much choice, do they? I have refused most medications based upon side effects that I suffered. Guess I was choosing the lesser evil.

I had good news yesterday. A few weeks ago, I applied to an organization called "Modest Needs" for monetary assistance with buying a pair of bifocals, which I've desperately needed. And they approved my application! The check arrived yesterday. The glasses I use now are ten years old, and worse than useless. I will be so glad to have glasses I can see out of, again.

I agree, about the prices. It amazes me how much they can get away with charging for the frames alone. And to get the help, I had to get a written estimate from a vendor. I called Lenscrafters, a pretty prominent eyeglass distributor, to ask for the estimate. The guy was arrogant and rude, and implied that I would have to wait a while before he got around to faxing me a written estimate. I told him that he didn't sound as if good will with a potential customer mattered to him, so I would take my business elsewhere. Pearl Vision, the other large distributor, was very professional and polite. They took the time to do everything I asked. Still, it will cost nearly three hundred dollars for a pair of glasses!

Hi everyone. I've been away - on an idyllic holiday - to the Seychelles. Here are some notes for you to taste. (Meantime, apart from a few aches and ailments, everyone here at Dino's seems well and in good spirits).

Fruity Notes from the Seychelles

The breadfruit scares me. It has too many eyes. I had become accustomed to buying fruit from a little stand on the beach in Beau Vallon, on Mahe, every morning. Each day the friendly vendor (whose name I never knew) had something new to show, offering me a taste because he had no English vocabulary with which to describe it.

Some of the fruits I recognised, although their form was slightly different. The miniature bananas were cute, no longer than my baby finger, and contained only a hint of the taste of the bananas I buy from Fruit and Veg City, in South Africa. Likewise, a fruit resembling a small pear was almost tasteless, and at first glance, appeared to be made of wax, as if it had previously decorated a bowl in a kitch kitchen. The star-shaped, sweetly-tangy green fruit, however, was a genuinely happy surprise. All of these, I assume, were wild fruits, not specifically cultivated. They were simply collected from their various trees along the lush coast of the island by this local man early in the morning and offered from his little wooden table on the beach. It was Mango season, too, and these were liberally scattered on the streets beneath their trees, ready for a brazen passer-by, such as him, to pick up and offer on his table for sale. I love Mango's - nature's ice-creams, I call them.

The day he cut open a coconut for me to drink its milky contents, right there on the beach, felt like an initiation into island living. I was wearing my hand- painted, locally-made sarong and felt sure I looked tanned, brave and beautiful as I threw my head back to drink from the coconut shell bowl. A brief moment of self-appreciation for the pure physicality of it. This was the postcard moment I held in my mind as I set off on my hiking trail adventure that day, but more about that later. The coconuts fell from the surrounding trees at random intervals, sometimes making a resounding 'clonk' on the tin rooves of cottages along the coastal road. For this reason, Peter was skitish about walking beneath the trees, having collected a random, but dubious, factoid that 150 people are killed each year by falling coconuts. My friend the vendor probably selected a few on the way to setting up his table, where he sold them to thirsty passers-by (the Mango's, not the corpses) and I felt happy to offer him a few rupees rather than simply take them myself. Perhaps I did this in genuine concern for him in making a living, or was it my English politeness and misplaced guilt that couldn’t quite accept the freeness of all this natural abundance?

The next day I was feeling brave, after my coconut milk initiation, and although the large, prickly round fruit he had on his table looked intimidating, when he cut it open it had a sweet, gentle fragrance that pacified me into a little taste. Just a tiny sliver of its pale yellow fruit. Hmm, yes, perhaps midway between a banana and a melon in texture, although I'm less able to compare the taste to anything I can name. The price for the slice was so little that I went overboard and bought the entire fruit, about the size and width of a large loaf of round bread, but much heavier. I gingerly carried my prickly prize home and set about dissecting it on the kitchen counter.

By now, that faint aroma had turned into an overpowering smell that was making me feel a little nauseaus. I kept nibbling at pieces that I rescued from the many pips that inhabited each pocket of the inside of this enormous fruit, until I started to feel physically as well as emotionally queasy. Hundreds of eyes, being popped out of their sockets, the surrounding flesh ready to be eaten. I like to think that I'm not susceptible to superstitious fears, but perhaps some atavistic memory sparked this growing unease. Frankly, it scared me, this strange fruit.

Later that night, Peter and I went out to a dinner buffet and he encouraged me to try the breadfruit, because the legend of the island states that once tasted, the traveler will always return. I happily complied. It looked and tasted nothing like the fruit I had tasted earlier that day, and only realised that is was the same, but cooked, when Peter told me that the fruit can't be eaten raw. It tends to have a purgative effect when eaten raw, but is quite tasty when deep fried like potato chips. Perhaps, if the look of all those eyes hadn't scared me so, I would have eaten more of the raw fruit and become quite ill. I like to think the breadfruit was warning me not to eat any more, so we now have an uneasy truce. But it still scares me.

Welcome back Sapphix! I think the best holidays are when we go to a culture where the food, the housing and the customs are different.

I'm so glad you are posting more, PP. No one tells a story like you do!

Hartz! Glad you are getting some new glasses! I remember the first time I got glasses - I was shocked to find out that individual leaves could be seen on trees (they had just been one big massive green-colored shape on a blurry tree trunk).
I could see individual blades of grass! Hope it's a fun first few days until the newness wears off.

I hope you had lots of fun Sapphix. I looked Seychelles up on Wikipedia - the sunset pictures are beautiful. The time probably passed quickly.

I'm getting sleepy - so off to bed. Lauri - I hope you and your family recuperate soon!

Lemon, I hope you know I have been kidding around with you today. You are a sweetie pie! (Ik hoop mijn het gekscheren u niet heeft beledigd! U bent zeer aardig!)

Hi Robyn! I agree. Love Postie's stories.

Hi Robyn, Hey Chuck.

My fruity notes on the Seychelles wouldn't be complete without a mention of the glorious, notorious
male and female Coco de Mer.

The Coco de mer is the sole member of the genus Lodoicea, a palm endemic to the islands in the
Seychelles. According to lore, the sailors who first saw the nut floating in the sea imagined that it
resembled a woman's disembodied buttocks. More amazingly, to me, is the fact that when these buttocks are turned over, the reverse side resembles a woman's vagina, complete with labia and hair!

The coco de mer holds a botanical record; the largest fruit so far recorded weighed 42kg. The size is, in fact, fairly true to the size of a slightly plump female woman's buttocks, even if the weight is a
little heavier than hers might be. It is the only dioecious species, with male and female flowers
located on different plants. Here's the rub: the male Coco de Mer looks nothing like the female of the species. It is a long, erect phallic symbol, with a slight twist in that it has burs along its length,
like a ribbed condom supposedly offering more pleasure!

It is hard not to credit nature with a sense of humour considering the context of the Coca de Mer's
environment - a lush, humid, tropical climate with breast-shaped small islands lolling in a passive
sea. Little wonder Peter exclaimed that it should be called "Fertile Island".

The coco de mer is now a rare protected species. I was privileged to see and touch these improbable works of nature's art. Fact is, indeed, stranger than fiction.

Delirium - Aria

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTJc3Kw_mlM[/youtube]

Mediaeval Baebes - Temptasyon
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz_5PexWImo&feature=related[/youtube]

Scarborough Fayre
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lTDDf9NoLg&feature=related[/youtube]

One for you, Nan.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iJwiGEZZto&feature=related[/youtube]

Here's another one:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpqq9K6MlyU[/youtube]

Check out "Blackmore's Night" on YouTube if you like that kind of stuff, Blessed. That's Ritchie Blackmore, from Deep Purple and Blackmore's Rainbow and probably a few others. I like some of his quotes too, as well as his music.

Jimmy Page plays a really old old instrument (No, cheezus, not the Gibson guitar, although he's probably had it for years. The other one is hundreds of years old (replica?).) on one of he and David Coverdale's songs. Take me a bit to find it. I had never seen one, but it's the real McCoy. I'll link it later.

Coverdale/Page "Take Me For a Little While" (<------ This is a link, push it if you dare. It might not be what you think or it might be. Be brave, be very brave and take a chance in life, we only live once, maybe. I'm going to live forever, so far, so good.)

Hello,

I am so excited - I have organised to spend a day in London with Lau in January 2008.

Perhaps I will sneak him into my luggage and get him to come to Australia for a brief holiday.

Helen